Why I Took a Break: A Bile Reflux Disease Journey

My Dear Readers,

9 years ago when I wrote my very first article, "When Your Stomach Hates You, Living with Bile Reflux Disease", I did not anticipate the response it generated. I was a suffering patient with no one to talk to about this gastrointestinal problem. At that time 9 years ago, I felt I needed to write something to get the word out there. It gained so much attention, that I eventually started a website, and had high hopes that we would have a community to share thoughts and make friends. I was so ill prepared for all of this.

After the 4th or 5th year, I was exhausted. I just couldn't keep up with the emails, website, and my own medical regiment. I also could not get the flood of ads spamming my website to go away. In short, something that at first made me so happy (to find others like me), ended up having the opposite affect. No matter how much I tried to remain cheerful, the overwhelming feeling of trying to help everyone was too consuming. I miss the friendships I made, but I couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling, the dread, and depression. There were days, I would just sit there and cry. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist, and so many were asking questions I sometimes just didn't know how to answer. In short it was making me sicker. So I had to make a decision to step away for awhile.

I do not want sympathy or hate emails. This article is not about those. I am just a human being who wrote about my feelings. At some point you have to look at your life and decide what is most important at the time. When I decided to "step back", there were many other things going on in my life as well besides BRD. I had to make some gut wrenching decisions and ultimately hope I made the right choices. The key was reducing stress, which is a BRD sufferers worst nightmare. The problem with my decision was to decide which case scenario had the least stress, which the answer was neither.

I was in a world I had created with fellow BRD sufferers, and at the same time faced with loosing my grandsons into a foster care system I do not agree with. I chose my grandsons. I love them with everything in me, and have joined the ranks of so many grandparents raising their grandchildren.

This once "empty nester" was and still is, in a constant daily spin raising two toddler boys. There are days I don't even have time to think if my stomach is hurting, or if I am in full "episode." I have to get up each day and keep going no matter what. Life is quirky, because my two boys, also have learning disabilities, and that makes it even more challenging because they clash with each other all the time.

My "rock", my better half, the man who takes care of me, also has been having his own health issues. So, I have spent my time readjusting my daily living, and hoping my BRD doesn't flare up to the point I can't function (like when I first wrote the article). My life is challenging just like many of your lives have challenges. I still have to have an endoscopy, and colonoscopy in the near future. I still need to have my pancreas levels checked, and I still have to take medications. I am alive though, and I have gained my weight back (though I am sure menopause is the star of the show for that one).

I miss writing. There isn't a day that goes by I don't wish I could sit down and just type my heart out. Now that the boys started school this year, I am hoping there will be more time. I encourage anyone suffering from BRD to please join any support groups you can find on whatever social media outlet you use. I will try to answer comments and emails if I can. I hope that you will continue to read the original articles for they have seemed to help many. I also apologize to my readers. You are a great bunch of people, and I am sorry if my choice made you feel abandoned. I am human, and I had to make a choice. That choice was to spend the very needed time with my grandsons. They need me, but then again if I really think about it, I need them too.