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Why Self discovery isn't as good as it used to be

Updated on March 30, 2016

Life is an open road


Where, Oh where, is it?

The internet is a fabulous thing isn't it? Anyone can post photos, videos and information. Yet, that's just the problem isn't it? Anyone can. When you want to find something specific, it can be a hassle trudging through the search results looking for exactly what you want. It's easy to get lost amidst the confusion. Everyone claiming to do it fastest and best. That, in and of itself, is a huge problem.

When it comes to self-help or self-discovery, it isn't fast and there is no best way. So, how can there be so many ways to find yourself? Well, the answer is easy yet complex. With every voice, every person, we all have our own way of getting in touch with ourselves. If you take every person who found themselves, you can see why there are a multitude of paths to take. There's no need to worry or be anxious about it, though.

It's the journey

There are always many ways to do something. One truth that remains clear is the journey. Self-discovery is a journey. Rushing through it trying to get to the destination will get you nowhere. Speeding through everything only assists us in missing the entire thing.

In a high paced world, where everything is on hyper speed, it's extremely important to take a breath and step back. New evidence is coming to light on why exactly it is so important to take a breath for yourself. Trying to do everything as fast as you can is not only stressful it causes anxiety for just about everyone. Imagine this.

You wake up in the morning to a wailing alarm clock jumping out of bed. The kids, or dog, are calling for attention. Jogging out of your room, you hop around slipping on your clothes. While taking the dog out, and kids to school, you drink your coffee as fast as you can. Burning yourself in the process. Now you can't taste. Great. The kids are yelling. The dog barking. Swerving into your lane, you curse at the guy cutting you off. You drop the kids off at school. Rush off to work. Boss is calling. Listen to him blabber on. You NEED to get back to work. You won't finish in time. It would only mean more yelling. He finally stops talking. You get back to work. Didn't finish. Rush to pick up kids. Screaming for fast food. You forgot the post office. Do you turn back? Give in and get that kids meal. Drive home. Rush to clean the house. Talk on the phone while juggling clothes, toys and dishes. Get ready for bed. Fall asleep wide eyed. Start again.

Feel tense yet? This is the standard day for a lot of mothers and fathers across the country. No time for a breather. No time to get things finished. No. Time. Or is there? When everyone is focused only on the destination, they can lose focus on life.


The Good

If we always know where we are going, where would our excitement go? Down the drain, that's where. When your life is so plot out for you, you feel there is nothing left in life to discovery. This is where the self-discovery movement stemmed from. Your boss, spouse, children, parents, long lost relative from yesteryear are all telling you where to go or what to do. With self-discovery, you have some ability to gain control over yourself.

With your focus on yourself, you can feel like you are indeed choosing where you go in life. You chose to listen to your spouse's needs, take care of your children and parent's advice. Which is a great positive look on what could be turned into something negative. It is good to take care of the needs of those important to us, but when you only take care of their needs. It can lead to depression, anger and anxiety. When you take time to discover more about yourself you can feel happier because you are putting more into the 'pot' for everyone to draw from.


The Not So Good

The problem with this is most people turn around and think they have more 'to spend'. When they pile in more, they find people taking more and once again. They find themselves at a loss. They 'discovered' themselves, got 'in tune', and found their inner child, yet nothing changed. What self-discovery 'masters' like to say is meditation and yoga are all you need to do. When in reality, you can 'earn more' patience, tolerance, time, but when you tolerate the behavior of giving more than you should. Everything starts all over again. In the process of finding yourself, so many forget to say one thing.

Just because you are 'earning more' doesn't mean you should give more. Self-discovery isn't about finding more to give others. It's finding more to give to yourself.


The So Much Better

While in the process of bettering yourself, and making yourself happier, you need to ensure your focus is solely on YOU. Not your spouse. Your children. Your ex-lover. Your parents. Or whoever. You don't need to prove anything to anyone but yourself. People will always demand. People will always need. They would take everything without a second thought. NOT because they are thoughtless or rude. They haven't seen who else has taken from you. No one realized you were so taxed beyond what you could handle. Or rushed to do so much. Mainly, because they themselves are taxed beyond what they think they can handle. They are rushed so much.

When someone comes for something, it isn't bad or wrong to ask for them to wait. Delayed gratification is learned but sometimes so much better. If the kids want fast food, ask them to wait until you are home so you all can make something together. The prospect of doing something together is much better than fast food, in the end. When we teach others, we aren't a vending machine dispensing whatever it is, we help ourselves along with everyone else.

Self-discovery isn't about doing more, but being. Not being more. But just. Being. Just be.

Once you are comfortable with you, life will orient itself so much more beautifully.



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    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I used to feel this way, that I had to do more and be more in order to be successful. I ended up crashing and burning as a result. Thanks to a wise counselor, I learned that doing more doesn't give me greater feelings of self-worth, rather, it is necessary to recognize that I have innate worth, and it is okay to do less so that I can be mentally and physically healthy.