- Mental Health»
Are You Happy......If Not......Why
Are you happy
When we say happy, we are referring to the dictionary definition that states, "Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy."
To be clear, we accept the fact that we are living in unprecedented times of sheer misery for a vast majority of the population. With the loss of employment, homes, and just instability in general. However, a measure of happiness can be found, and that's what we will be addressing in this article.
What makes you happy?
Does your happiness (pleasurable state of mind) depend largely on someone else or can you make your own happiness, independent of anyone else? To answer such questions, a bit of introspection is in order. We won't address sexual pleasure or happiness in this article, as there are a plethora of articles written on the subject and it would take an entire hub to adequately cover the topic.
Our focus will be on personal happiness. Specifically what makes you happy? Is it material possessions, family happiness, having friends, popularity, physical features, a personal relationship with a loved one?
You must know, if you've been following me, that I'll be employing my usual method of making a point.
We'll begin with Unhappy Helena, and her husband Hard Working Harry. Helena is married with 2 small children. Let's get this out of the way first, Helena does not have any emotional or health challenges, she's just unhappy with her life. Helena thought she married the "man of her dreams," but lately she seems to have been waking up to reality, at least in her words. Helena understood when she married that it would take some time to get to the point in her life that she's always dreamed of, and she was initially alright with it. However, Helena has joined a gym in a somewhat upscale area. The women at this gym have all been married a lot longer than Helena and are at the point in their lives that Helena has only aspired to. Harry preferred and Helena agreed that she would stay home for the first few years of the children's life. Now, however Helena has suddenly declared that she's unhappy with her lot in life. She wants, as she says, "to have the things that she deserves." For instance, she wants the luxury car now, she tired of the mini van, and her wedding ring set, well she's waited long enough. She's not happy with the small three bedroom house. If only she had these things, she'd be happy. You think?
We'll now focus on Embarrassed Eddie. Eddie is a member of what is considered a large family. The family consists of Mother, and six siblings. One older and five younger. Eddie's unhappiness comes from the embarrassment of belonging to such a large family, in addition no father in the home. Initially Eddie loved belonging to such a large family, because there was always someone to play with. Now, though Eddie is in High school and in the school that he attends families are not quite as large, and lots of the families have two parents at home. Let's interject here, there are no financial problems in the family. Mother is a career woman, that also manages to spend quality time with the children. Eddie's been listening to his classmates about how good it is to be either an only child or the other half of a duo. He's been coming home lately in a very foul mood and spending time alone in his room, thinking how good it would be to be an only child, or at least not have so many siblings. All of this makes for a very unhappy Eddie.
Here's one that I like Dissatisfied Daisy. Daisy was born a beautiful baby with a head full of curly hair, beautiful, long thin legs. By all accounts Daisy was destined to be a stunner. Well as Daisy grew, so did her long thin legs, and that head full of curly hair just got more curly. As Daisy went through her pre-teen years she was teased by some and admired by others. Of course the teasing dominated her disposition. No matter what her parents said she still felt that if only she had different hair, or shorter legs she'd be happier. Mother has done all she could to assure her that appearances should not be her focus in life. She's at the point now at 17, that she's contemplating cosmetic surgery, because not only is she dissatisfied with her hair and legs, she feels that her nose could be a little more pointy, and her ears could be pinned back. Even though one time a model scout approached Daisy and encouraged her to look into modeling, she was not assuaged. So Daisy continues in her unhappy life.
Well, well, now we have What About Me Melvin. Melvin has hinged his entire happiness on his wife, Self Sacrificing Sadie. Melvin told Sadie when they met, "you complete me." Initially Sadie was flattered, until she realized the full ramifications of those words. For you see, that statement applied to everything they did. When Sadie went shopping, Melvin wanted to tag along. When she cooked he was in the kitchen with her. When she went to the beauty salon, he took her and waited outside until she was finished. Sadie had no personal space. When Sadie wanted to go out with the girls, Melvin would say, "what about me, what am I going to do?" She suggested that he go out with his brother the way they used to before he met her. You just know, that fell on deaf ears. He said, "no that's okay, I'll just watch the game until you come back, speaking of coming back, about what time do you think you'll be back?" I'd like to add here, Melvin is not necessarily jealous, he just, as he said "needs to be completed." When Sadie tries to get personal space, Melvin sulks and makes her feel guilty. Poor, poor Sadie.
Oh yes, let's not forget Popular At Any Cost Patience. Don't be fooled by the name, Patience is not patient. Patience is not happy when she's not the center of attention. This fact has led to many unhappy times in her life, because she wasn't born with the attributes that would aid in getting immediate attention. So Patience had to work at getting attention, and that she did in everything. She was only happy when it was all about Patience. She has no real friends, because if anyone gets the spotlight but her she's unhappy to say the least. For instance if someone gives anyone within earshot of Patience a compliment, she wastes no time pointing out that she's better at whatever it is than anyone that she or anyone knows. Like the time when she was together with two other "friends," and one said to the other, "your sister is really nice looking, I'll bet she gets a lot of attention from the guys." Well Patience waited "patiently" until her turn to speak, then she proceeded to tell about the time she met a former boyfriend and he complimented her on how good she still looked. No reaction from the other two, and that made Patience unhappy. Patience happiness seems to be wrapped up in her popularity or lack there of. Let's add that Patience has had a few cosmetic procedures to enhance her appearance, but she still remains unhappy.
Because the article is too long for one sitting, we're going to continue it on the next hub. Follow the link and check out the results, or my idea of solutions for these characters. The follow-up hub is Are You Happy....If Not...Why II
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