Why Scream to Those Loved?

C.S. Lewis quoted: "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken,it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

These are great words; I truly like them, but our human nature will not permit this to happen. If we do get away with C.S. Lewis' quote, we will succumb into depression, loneliness; and live in death. We were created by a loving God in His image. We have enabled the "love" thingamajig since the womb.

A friend is loved, a pet is loved, a spouse also; and a family member that is our same blood is loved. Martin Luther King Jr. said "Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." So then, love is an amazing thing that may transform the person who is an antagonist seeking to injure, overthrow and contend with us. If we love somebody independently of the relation, why incur in this heated hysterical speaking manner with harsh high tones, called 'screams'?

I always repeat a fact, and it is that we are all different. The debate issue will not be skipped, neither war is to be declared. Perhaps it is an unconscious habit, or a way to be the winner of a debate ... whatever the roots are and the reason, it is unnecessary to protest, demand and complain vehemently. Henry B. Adams quoted: "No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous." We definitely need to train the way we speak, since our words may become atom bombs!

It is said that love comes from the heart, so is it possible that we need to include our hearts in the training process? I believe we do by what is written in Luke 6:45 "The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."

1. Relax, it will help to balance the momentary stress.
2. Pray to remain in God's will.
3. Recognize that the debate is with a loved one, it will help to stop abuse.
4. Acknowledge that screaming damages your own cords.
5. Acknowledge individual differences, it will help to lower expectations.
6. Learn to listen, it will help to understand what is being said.
7. Learn to control your emotions, it will permit consciousness in a debate.
8. Respect other's points of view, others have the right to think.
9. Debate altruistically, because love is an action.
10. Learn to accept to win, lose and withdraw.

Matthew 24:12 says: "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold," It does not say "everybody", I suggest to stay away of being part of the "most". Look deep in your heart and take time to train your heart and mouth. Speech should flow with the correct ways when debating any theme. No, it is not easy...ask me! But, it is not impossible!

Still love when you are mad, don't get blind ... just let love see the one in front!!

Blessings to all as we train ourselves to stop screaming to those loved.

© Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill