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Why do we have to wake up smelling like boiled potatoes?

Updated on March 30, 2012

Would you like parsley with those?


Roasting Time Varies

Finally, after a long day, you're able to shower and settle in with your feet propped up. There's not usually anything fabulous to watch on television but you settle for something just because it's time to unwind. It's usually mindless, a reality show or a movie you saw three times already.

Relaxation sets in, your eyeslids are starting to feel heavy. A sudden sensation comes over you, like a glass of water being filled up to the rim! It sometimes starts in the crease of your neck or maybe your forehead, sometimess even in your feet. The dreaded hot flash! You quickly jump up and open the freezer door and put your head in. An ice pack on the back of your neck might work! Sometimes you run outside the door if it's cold out. You try different remedies of fending off this heat but usually end up waiting for it to pass. You just got clean and comfortable and now your body is beading up with sweat!

Your lower back feels a powerful surge of heat. Every mole and skintag on your body has a drip of sweat hanging off it. Are you gonna lift those droopy things up and fold up a paper towel to rest under them? No, I'm not talking about your eye lids!

What soaks up the moisture?

Is it possible that you tucked your nightgown underneath those breasts to help with sopping up the river? Did you ever think that if you just keep lifting the garment up and down away from your skin the heat will go away sooner? Do your underwear feel like you just sat in a puddle? The next question...are you going to change what your wearing for dryer items? Is it worth it? Should you just wear them until the next hot flash arises? You know it will before long so why bother!

About one per hour....

If your suffering from hot flashes on a regular basis, I have no reccomendations to offer. I have not found significant results from any home remedies. I do not and would not tell you to take this or that because it's all crap! This is a normal process for women and we just have to get use to it until we get over it! Every hour or so, sometimes less, the heat comes on full force for me.

If you care, I will divulge that I am forty-nine years old and have not had a menstrual cycle for the last six months. Am I done? Who knows, I think it has to be a full year without before that determination is made. Do I need my doctor to tell me so? What did women do in years past?

How important is it for me to be officially told that I am in menopause?

Blanket on blanket off....

Just like others will tell you, your cold when you get in bed. Three to five minutes, (I've timed it out), the warmth that makes you comfortable turns to blazing fire! Covers are thrown off quickly. Hubby usually has the wrong drift and thinks this heat is just for him. Sorry hun, I'm just hot, not HOT for you! In fact, that's the last thing on my mind! Dwindling more and more as these flashes become more frequent. Do men ever relax their appetite for sex?

Mom used to say they're like roosters....always clucking around and circling for action. She and my Dad were married over 60 years before they both passed away. Another thing she said was, "They circle and cluck around even when they're 80 years old!" I guess this is what keeps a good marriage alive and thriving. This union of theirs also produced fifteen, yes 15, children!

I am the middle child. How many can say that they have seven older and seven younger siblings? Ok, maybe the Dugger family on reality TV. We certainly didn't live like that!

Learn to embrace it...

Alright, I know. Who wants to embrace being a sweaty, smelly worthog? I'm happy not to have a period but boiled potatoes belong in the kitchen! And by the way, your feet smell like straight up provolone cheese!

Have you embraced your inner boiled potatoe?

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    • Raitu Disong profile image

      Raitu Disong 4 years ago

      Funny and interesting hub!

      Voted up...

    • Silva Hayes profile image

      Silva Hayes 5 years ago from Spicewood, Texas

      Blankets on, but one leg bent and out from under the covers. Check out Estroven, a natural remedy. It helped me. Cheers!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Haha! oh you poor thing! I remember it well! we call it hot flushes over here, but I had a bad thyroid at the same time so it was a nightmare! herbal drinks were my saving grace, good luck! nell

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 5 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      One good one from NOW Foods is called "Female Balance" and it is not expensive, so give it a try if you still suffer.

    • loveofnight profile image

      loveofnight 5 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

      Great Hub, I enjoyed the read. I too have my own private summers, started in my late 30's. I do believe that there are remedies but I just chose to embrace the ride. I did try the estrogen pills but the side effects were spotting. Just the idea of going through anything that reminded me of my monthly periods was not acceptable. I have made my contribution to the population and find joy in knowing that the baby factory is down. I like the way that you presented this subject. Good job

    • jennyjenny profile image

      jennyjenny 5 years ago from Somewhere in Michigan

      I may be under 40 but I can certainly identify with everything you just said. Ugh, wonder if there is any hope. They say I have pre-menopause, as if going through it for real isn't enough. Blah! ;) Hope it gets better for you.

    • OldRoses profile image

      Caren White 5 years ago from Franklin Park, NJ

      Oh boy do I know about blanket on, blanket off! Great hub!

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      rutley.....I realize you write about the aspects of life as a woman with tongue in cheek humor..and..I commend you..laughing at ourselves is not always easy..however does help to face facts AND you sure do ! I always used to tell my female patients in mid-life..." Welcome to Men on pause "..this is the time of life when you put all yourself first, you deserve it,,,,,

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      clever article. very imaginative! thank you

    • greeneryday profile image

      greeneryday 5 years ago from Some tropical country

      Nice article, there is nothing to shame about sweating, I get up with a lot of sweat in the morning, every single day...

    • toomuchmint profile image

      toomuchmint 5 years ago

      Great article, Rutley! You turned a topic that could be embarrassing into something women openly discuss. This thread and its comments will be a valuable addition to the Hubpages knowledgebase.

      Thanks for opening dialogue!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 6 years ago

      Hi Rutley,

      I get hot flashes but not night sweats.

      I remember my mom telling me about a friend who got here period after one year without having one. She happened to be wearing white pants too.

      Voted up across the board.

      Take care :)

    • eugbug profile image

      Eugene Brennan 6 years ago from Ireland

      God I hope the male menopause isn't like this!!!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 6 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      hello there Rutley... As a woman, I'd like to be able to tell you that I understand or can relate to the gist of your hub. But the best I can do is say I'm sorry you have to deal with the ravages of menopause. Because the reality is, you don't have to. Especially, the "hot flashes" you speak of.

      I notice you called it a "normal" process for women. Menopause is certainly a "natural occurrence" but it is NOT normal to go through suffering because of it. Statistically, only about 10% of females actually experience any uncomfortable symptoms or side effects during the life of the menopause cycle. and these symptoms should NEVER be severe or intrusive.

      I feel compelled to help you here, but realistically, it would take a hub, maybe a series of hubs to do this.

      What I can do is at least suggest to you, to do one very important thing asap. In lieu of me taking you by the hand to walk you through this (which I have done for countless friends).....get your hands on, at LEAST the first two books written by Suzanne Sommers. I don't recall the Titles at the moment. Just go to Amazon. If you don't want to purchase them...I'm sure there's a library near you. READ them and take reference notes as you do. That's a start. I can only HOPE you never become desperate enough to agree to HRT. "cloverleaffarm" has told the truth, btw.

      If you truly want to be in control, you absolutely can be. Do not accept it as yet another curse women must tolerate. And for Heaven's sake....if your Dr. is a man, don't even bring your concerns to him....I don't care HOW brilliant or degreed he is. I also don't care how much you "like" him or "trust" him. HE'S A MAN. Be real and use common sense. For your sake, please take my certainly know how to contact me and I'm happy to exchange with you. It irks me to know that women suffer needlessly. I sincerely wish you luck.

      OH.....yeah....I should say, next month I'll be 64. I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about here. Peace

    • profile image

      mcals71 6 years ago

      Hot flashes started after my hysterectomy at age 42, and lasted well over 10 years. My reaction? At first I didn't pay any attention, because I was just too young and busy, I guess. After a few years I did start paying attention and realized that, by golly, I was having hot flashes! After that realization, I settled with the situation and didn't let it bother me, consequently I barely noticed when they stopped. Oh yes, I tried estrogen pills and they made me feel so angry I could have chewed people alive. Not for me, so I quickly quit, and felt like myself, again. So sorry about your negative experience with hot flashes, dear. Look at the bright side, you wrote a very engaging hub about it, and funny too! Voted up, interesting and funny.

    • cloverleaffarm profile image

      Healing Herbalist 6 years ago from The Hamlet of Effingham

      Hate to tell you, I have been without a period for almost two years. Still have hot flashes. I disagree with that there is nothing you can do about it. I think a positive attitude goes along way. And yes, there are herbal remedies you can use if you don't want to go the HRT route.


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