Why do we have to wake up smelling like boiled potatoes?

Finally, after a long day, you're able to shower and settle in with your feet propped up. There's not usually anything fabulous to watch on television but you settle for something just because it's time to unwind. It's usually mindless, a reality show or a movie you saw three times already.

Relaxation sets in, your eyeslids are starting to feel heavy. A sudden sensation comes over you, like a glass of water being filled up to the rim! It sometimes starts in the crease of your neck or maybe your forehead, sometimess even in your feet. The dreaded hot flash! You quickly jump up and open the freezer door and put your head in. An ice pack on the back of your neck might work! Sometimes you run outside the door if it's cold out. You try different remedies of fending off this heat but usually end up waiting for it to pass. You just got clean and comfortable and now your body is beading up with sweat!

Your lower back feels a powerful surge of heat. Every mole and skintag on your body has a drip of sweat hanging off it. Are you gonna lift those droopy things up and fold up a paper towel to rest under them? No, I'm not talking about your eye lids!

Is it possible that you tucked your nightgown underneath those breasts to help with sopping up the river? Did you ever think that if you just keep lifting the garment up and down away from your skin the heat will go away sooner? Do your underwear feel like you just sat in a puddle? The next question...are you going to change what your wearing for dryer items? Is it worth it? Should you just wear them until the next hot flash arises? You know it will before long so why bother!

If your suffering from hot flashes on a regular basis, I have no reccomendations to offer. I have not found significant results from any home remedies. I do not and would not tell you to take this or that because it's all crap! This is a normal process for women and we just have to get use to it until we get over it! Every hour or so, sometimes less, the heat comes on full force for me.

If you care, I will divulge that I am forty-nine years old and have not had a menstrual cycle for the last six months. Am I done? Who knows, I think it has to be a full year without before that determination is made. Do I need my doctor to tell me so? What did women do in years past?

How important is it for me to be officially told that I am in menopause?

Just like others will tell you, your cold when you get in bed. Three to five minutes, (I've timed it out), the warmth that makes you comfortable turns to blazing fire! Covers are thrown off quickly. Hubby usually has the wrong drift and thinks this heat is just for him. Sorry hun, I'm just hot, not HOT for you! In fact, that's the last thing on my mind! Dwindling more and more as these flashes become more frequent. Do men ever relax their appetite for sex?

Mom used to say they're like roosters....always clucking around and circling for action. She and my Dad were married over 60 years before they both passed away. Another thing she said was, "They circle and cluck around even when they're 80 years old!" I guess this is what keeps a good marriage alive and thriving. This union of theirs also produced fifteen, yes 15, children!

I am the middle child. How many can say that they have seven older and seven younger siblings? Ok, maybe the Dugger family on reality TV. We certainly didn't live like that!

Alright, I know. Who wants to embrace being a sweaty, smelly worthog? I'm happy not to have a period but boiled potatoes belong in the kitchen! And by the way, your feet smell like straight up provolone cheese!