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Why do we self abuse mentally?

Updated on April 18, 2013
SaraGardner profile image

Sara lives in Finland creating a new lifestyle after stage 3 cancer, and is now researching alternative approaches to recovery from trauma

Growing up
Growing up

Growing up to emulate

It was the little child in me that was searching for that self assurance that she saw out there in the big wide world, the confident pretty ladies who tossed their hair and smiled, the seasoned travellers who marched through airports without looking nervously for departure times or asking for help…..that was the kind of person she wanted to emulate.

Little Sara didn’t recognise that the outside confidence she saw is the effect of inner peace and not its creator. Little Sara didn’t recognise that these people are sometimes grand masters at wearing the same kind of masks that she wore in public to hide all of her fears and doubts.

How many people have been surprised or shocked over the years to learn that adult Sara has no self confidence, berates herself constantly and cannot stand to look in a mirror because any sense of joy and peace is then shattered by the ugly image staring back at her and mocking her for daring to believe even for one moment that she was a likeable and acceptable person.

It is testament to the enduring human spirit that Sara climbed out of that self created pit and indeed then reached out to help others with her self healing retreats, workshops and courses drawn from her own self abusing and self healing experiences.


Frameworks of Perception

When we look at another and see their light we can only interpret/perceive that light using the awareness framework that we are using for ourselves. For example: if we see ourselves as just a physical being then our level of awareness extends only to the physical body and even though we may be sub-consciously responding to seeing deep inner peace in someone we consciously recognise and register it through our own usual perceptions i.e. physical ones. We see the relaxed muscles and the effortless gait.

If we then decide that we would like to also have this inner peace, this certain something which this other person is radiating then we tend to assume that if we take on the symbolic perceptions of the radiated peace then we too will have the inner peace.

It seems to have a certain logic to it but in reality takes us further away from peace. We create relaxation regimes and fitness programmes to achieve the type of body style that we have now supposed will bring us the kind of self assured presence we recognised in the other person. The message in our minds reads “If I do this then I will achieve that” which effectively means that the message in our heads is constantly reading “You’re not good enough the way you are right now” or “You don’t have peace”

Natural Flow Patterns
Natural Flow Patterns | Source

Mind Says....

Imagine expecting to achieve deep inner peace and self assurance whilst constantly bombarding yourself with that kind of message!! And yet we continually do it.

Why? Because the mind works in that dualistic way that we either have something or we don’t.

The mind thinks “I don’t have that and I would like to so I need to get it”

Instead of thinking “If that person has deep inner peace and we are of the same flesh and blood then I have it too, I wonder how it manifests within me, let me sit quietly and observe”

Choosing Beliefs?

When we have allowed ourselves to conceive/believe of the notion that we ourselves have deep inner peace then we have opened up and consciously inhabited the ability to perceive the deep inner peace which was always there.

Believe it to be there and it will be there. We always have the choice whether to believe or not.

And each and every time your mind argues back that this isn’t true, that inner peace is not within you and you don’t have a choice about that, imagine just for a moment that you really do have a choice about what to believe and then ask yourself the question: What do you have to gain by not believing you have a choice? What do you gain by not believing that you perceive and live in the world which you conceive/believe in?

Just ask the question, there is no harm in that.

Sit With Yourself
Sit With Yourself | Source

Ask Yourself.....

If we find it hard to sit quiet and still whilst the answer unfolds within us then start writing, just let everything flow out, all of the jumbled thoughts, the garbled sentences and the unspeakable truths. Let it all flow out onto paper, or screen, let them be seen and allow them to be there without need for judgement. ***

Remember: when you ask someone for their opinion you don’t have to get caught up in thoughts of right or wrong, after all you have asked for an opinion and they have given it. You can decide if that opinion has given you insight into a new perspective that you feel drawn to and would perhaps like to adopt into your life, or maybe it’s an opinion which doesn’t resonate with you at all.

If the opinion doesn’t resonate at all with you, remember that you are the one holding this opinion/belief and simply choose to focus on the opinion/belief which better suits and serves you in who you are and who you believe yourself to be.

Emerging Leaves
Emerging Leaves | Source

Intention IS Everything!

Notice how pure intention is required. If you ask an opinion of someone and you ask with pure intent then you are genuinely interested to know what beliefs they hold about a certain subject. This is not the same as asking for someone’s opinion in order to berate it or argue with it or judge it or label it as right or wrong.

Recognise each and every time what it is that you are really asking; recognise your intention behind your words because a heart of pure intent will heal everything, guaranteed.

***Do not go back and read what you have written and never ever show it to somebody else, ceremoniously burn the paper or delete the file to symbolise the letting go of that which no longer serves you, leaving room for the new beliefs and choices to occupy the space of your newly expanded conscious awareness.

Springtime is the most perfect and powerful time of year for doing this as you can ride along on the natural energy wave of new beginnings.


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