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You Don’t Fit In and That’s Ok!

Updated on November 17, 2017
Ethan Chandler profile image

I’m currently in nursing school, struggling to keep up with life. I like traveling, music, etc. Sounds like a dating profile but this is me!

You Have Never Fit In: Am I Right?

Have you ever felt this?

  • You’re different, you’re strange, you’re weird. You feel as though no one understands you. You feel you’re special and have much to offer but never seemed to have found your niche, group, or clique. Have you ever thought of what it would be like to be a part of that crowd of friends you see on Facebook out every Friday night? Have you spent long boring summers living vicariously through the Snapchat stories of those lucky ones doing super cool super fun things? Are you disappointed you were never part of the “im crowd?” Could you ever fit in with them and have them accept you?

Acceptance is freedom

  • Well I hate to break it to you, but it probably is not going to happen. And you know what? That is great! Thank goodness! You’re probably thinking ”the heck you taking about guy?” Hear me out. You’re in your early 20‘s struggling through college, struggling to function socially, struggling to find your identity, struggling to find your place in life, struggling to maintain your GPA, and just struggling period. You probably feel you’ll never amount to anything right? Now, after having broken your spirits, let me offer some comfort and consolation. These feelings are somewhat normal. But it is OK that you don’t fit in with the aforementioned groups of people or any people for that matter. And the sooner you accept this the happier you will be. Let me explain this further to you and share with you a few tips on how to feel more comfortable with not fitting in.


Stop Caring

But care about the right things

  • When done correctly and it’s meaning understold, NOT CARING is a beautiful thing. The liberating feeling of finally saying “I don’t care” and MEANING IT, will be one of your most life changing moments. When you TRY to “fit in” you essentially are surrendering your individuality and conforming to a fleeting ideal which constantly changes. What I mean by this is that it is impossible to keep track of and extremely exhausting to live up to an ideal or image which you have made up for yourself, and feel will bring you happiness. And because of the elusive nature of this notion, it’s something you fail to fully understand. Understand? Acting out of character in order to “fit in” may bring you a temporary feeling of confidence, some wild nights, and epic stories if you’re lucky. But that glory most likely will eventually fade and you will be left struggling to continue to adpat to that image and secure yourself into that fantasy world which you have created for yourself.

True power

  • REAL confidence comes from knowing who you are, but also accepting and owning the fact that you know who you are NOT. This brings a sense of humility into your life by which you become teachable, creating space for life to teach you the lessons it wants you to learn. What is most liberating about this is that you have opened the door to find what really makes your spirit burn and what you truly want out of life. You become self assured, unbiased, confident in your speech, your actions, and your body language becomes stable and calm. Your energy will affect every person in the room whether or not they realize they feel your influence. And THAT is sexy. When you decide to stop caring about fitting in, your spirit will burn with positive energy, your mind will be invigorated, your muscles will relax and become stronger, you will identify with more people, you will tolerate less nonsense, and you naturally receive more and more respect. How great is that?

Don’t believe me? Try it!

  • Now, I’m going to assume you know that I’m certainly NOT talking about not caring about your work or relationships and becoming apathetic and pessimistic about life. This is NOT the type of “not caring” I wish to enstill upon you. With respect to not caring as it applies to “fitting in,” what I propose is that you stop trying to impress people you don’t know or you don’t even like. Make sense? Remember this popular tip, if you’re not having fun, then you’re doing something wrong. If you remember this principle, your work, your relationships, your LIFE will improve. Indeed, those things you SHOULD care about you will care about even more. And this is how to live life, and how to avoid life living you.

Stop Comparing

Comparison kills

  • This isn’t just about not fitting in, it’s about becomomg your best self and elevating your self confidence. But this simply cannot be done when you constantly compare yourself to what you think society wants you to be or what you feel you need to be in order to impress, to be accepted or respected. Comparing yourself to others is harmful to your mind and poisonous to your self esteem. It literally can kill your self confidence. In fact, comparing yourself to others can slowly deteriorate your happiness until you are just a big ball of bitterness, anxiety and self loathing. When you compare yourself to others, you never will be enough. But you ARE enough just as you are! The less you compare yourself, the more you allow yourself to look inward and see who you really are. You essentially get to know yourself little by little. You learn and grow when you strip away those false ideas up to which you feel you must live.

So, you want respect?

  • Sometimes, the less you care about trying to earn respect, and “fit in” the more respect you will receive and the more complete comfortable you will feel in every situation. Now, you may not get respect, and that’s still ok. The less you care about not getting respect, the more confident you will become because you have learned to respect YOURSELF, which SELF RESPECT is essential to living a fulfilling life. Isn’t that right? Has your mind been blown? No? That’s ok because this is not new information. It’s just a reminder, a sign post. My aim is to perhaps change your way of thinking and the way you see the world, to improve the way you see yourself so that you can begin to improve the way you feel about yourself and how you live your life.

You Don’t Fit In And Never Will: And That’s OK!

You are OK!

  • So, if this long winded lecture has been of any help, that’s great. If not, let me offer some extra last minute “working man’s wisdom.” You’ve tried all your life to “fit in” right? Well I’m here to tell that it probably will NEVER happen and THAT'S OK. I’m also here to tell you that NOTHING is wrong with you because of it. You are an individual, you are unique with an incomparable depth of abilities and potential. Don’t be discouraged after reading this because that is not my intent. Dont get down on yourself. Keep going, and strive to be the person YOU want to be and who you ARE.

Use your pain!

  • If you’re offended, or angry after reading this, GOOD!! Use that frustration to break out of the deception that you must fit in with whatever group or image you think will being you happiness. Instead, own your weirdness, be yourself, do what makes you happy, even if you fear judgement. Be your own person. You’ll realize that other people’s opinions of tou do not mattee. You know why? One, it’s because it’s an opinion, not a fact. And two, you CANNOT be anyone other than who you are. I repeat, no matter how hard you try, you CANNOT be ANYONE other than who you are. It is impossible. Take the previous statement with a grain of salt, but also dig into it and ponder what that statement means to you, perceiving it at more than just face value. YOU are YOU and YOU are awesome!!

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