Your comfort-zone could be the death of you.

In the year 2009 I had an argument with my father. We argued about events that occurred in the past. I felt he was never there for us, and I grew up as an angry child, a very angry child. It’s a pity, because even to this day, there are still no anger management classes in schools. One of the smartest students in primary school, and yet spent most of my time getting into fights and in trouble with my school teachers. My anger was my comfort zone and fighting gave me liberty from that comfort zone, at least that’s what I thought. When we had that argument with my father; he ended up calling my mother names. I responded back and said, “If my mother was that, then what are you?” And his response was disowning me and kicking me out from his place, the place he often called our home. I stayed at his place and never moved out. He started being all nice and acting like a good loving parent. At one stage he even asked me to hop into his car so we can go do go some shopping together. I dreaded that, but he couldn’t tell because over the years he was never there for us, I developed a skill in bottling things inside while on the outside display a pretentious smile. This all happened in September 2009 and I can remember the day clearly and it was on a Saturday afternoon.

When everyone at home thought the bad blood between me and my father was over. I did some thinking of my own. Overwhelmed by my fears and doubts, afraid of what would happen if I moved out. A little voice whispered in my ears and said “Mthokozisi, the man kicked you out of his place and said you are no longer fit to be called his son, so why are you still around”? The voice continued to whisper, “Move, move, get out, go find your own place”. I started feeling like I was just like the prodigal son from the bible. And that`s when I remembered words I once read in a poem, they spoke to me and said “If you are in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out, Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt, a step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true”.One day on a weekend, my father had to work, and so he left in the morning on Saturday. He did not know that I had already found a room to rent and had my new keys. My little brother was the only one who knew my plan that day and he didn’t tell anyone because I asked him not to tell a single soul about it. I left my father’s place, walked out with my bag full of clothes, and went into an empty room with a heart full of hope.

I had just been accepted into a learnership programme and my allowance at that time was one thousand eight hundred rands. I had nothing. All I knew was that I had to spend that money very wisely, and so I did and was only left with two hundred rand. And I still had to buy my monthly train ticket, which was ninety nine rand back then and I was left with hundred and one rand. I had no food. Life forced me out of my comfort zone.

I found myself on the other side of the bridge and had to take a leap of faith and make the jump. I remember walking into my empty room. Leaning against the door, wondering how am I going to make this work? I remember friends leaving me and going to bed on an empty stomach. There were times I felt like giving up. Sometimes I cried and wished I was never born. But I loved reading books, and came across a quote by Lou Piniella which read “YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE” All of a sudden I was glad my father kicked me out of his place and disowned me. First I had to learn to be independent and then I had to learn to forgive, so I first forgave myself, realized why I was where I was and let go of what was holding me back, and I forgave him.

A comfort zone defined

A comfort zone is defined as “a place or position in which a person feels secure, comfortable or in control”

Have you ever been in a comfort-zone before and how did you manage to get out?