Betraying my ignorance, I am a 42YO male who (I believe) has a BPD mother. How can I know for sure?
All of my life, I was "stupid", "a dummy", "would never amount to anything". Even today, I constantly doubt my self-worth and ability to do 'anything' right. As a result, I have become (what I feel) is an over achiever and a bit of an OCD neat freak. The person I'm currently seeing goes on and on about how impressed she is with me, my ''smarts'' and such but I just don't see it.
I have never had a successful relationship with another person - albeit friend or otherwise. Not that I *blame* my mother but tearing a child down never builds them up. How do I know if she's BPD vs. just a bitch?
Honestly - good question. I think there are thousands of people out there who have 'borderline' mental illness ranging from BPD to narcissism, depression and self harm. The thing about mental illness is that people are often good at hiding it.
As the child of a BPD mother, I've seen how well my mother can lie and manipulate people. There's no actual way of telling I don't think - without the help of a psychiatrist. My mum even knew how to lie to them!
It wasn't until I was about 13 that people realized I wasn't just a 'rebellious' child but actually saw the other side of my mother.
I've got a blog on the subject (very bare bones compared to the last 20 years!) and am currently writing a book on it. Good luck! Parents like that mess us up!
The only way to know for sure is for her to see a physician and get a diagnosis, but that may not happen. Next best thing is for you to do some self-study and see a qualified counselor yourself. While a counselor cannot make a diagnosis, the counseling itself will help you learn to accept her and move on.
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