From Bank Balance Panic to Puddle-Jumping Joy: A Lesson in Trusting the Process

My patience has been tested lately as a solopreneur. I have been diligently tending to my health, routines, family, and my work with focus and tender loving care. Yet, when I check on the progress I have made, there is still a big gap between where I am and where I think I should be.

Recently, on a day when I was overwhelmed with discouragement, I forced myself to get out of the house and get to old-fashioned work to make some pocket money by delivering groceries. What was the trigger? The bank balance in my account.

I teach clients about non-food sources of nourishment for human wellbeing. Finances are only 1 out of 12 sources of nourishment. Yet, it is promoted and reinforced so much in today’s world that it is the top indicator of human success. I am not immune to this imbalance either.

I opened my banking app, and immediately my stomach started turning. My cheeks turned red with embarrassment, and feelings of shame washed over me, even though I was the only person in the room.

Then shame turned to anger. I was angry that I had to be extremely diligent. I felt deep sadness that I have to supplement my dream work with so much other work, and it’s still elusive. I felt hopeless that day. A period of many HAVE TO’s and not nearly enough WANT TO’s.

I get into my car feeling defeated and flick on the mobile app to receive orders and drive away. I allow myself a couple of bucks to get a coffee, and off I go. As I drive, my brain is ruminating and rumbling with dark, negative thoughts.

An unexpected visitor popped along my route that day. Joy showed up and had a way of rewarding me for trusting the process I am choosing to go through right now.

My first order comes through, and it’s a fairly simple one. The customer messaged if I could take their garbage out for them for an additional gratuity. I said, “Sure, no problem.”

When I arrived at their home, it was familiar to me. I had delivered to this elderly couple that lived on the second floor of a townhouse that only had stairs. Back then, the wife was bubbly and sweet but used a walker. The husband was connected to an IV on the couch. He had no hair and was very pale. He looked to be on death’s doorstep, but peacefully. I remember thinking how much she loved him and how he was able to spend this time in his home with his life partner.

I thought about the couple a lot since that first delivery. I never saw them again, until this dreary, discouraging day.

I parked the car and gathered their groceries when I realized who it was. I had some anticipation. Will they be well? Will she be on her own now? As I arrived at the door, the wife came quickly and looked just as sweet and happy as I remembered.

Then I looked at the couch. The husband was still lying there, cozy in a blanket while he slept. He had some colour in his skin, his head had short, thick hair, and he had no IV or oxygen in his nose. He looked like he was recovering. I took their garbage out for them, then climbed back into my car. I put my hands on the steering wheel and started to cry. My heart felt full of joy, relief, and gratitude. If I had stayed in my office that day, I wouldn’t have been there to celebrate healing!

I wipe my tears and collect myself as I start to drive to the next store to shop at. It was raining quite heavily, and the streets had large puddles. I saw a young boy on the right side of the road standing on the curb in front of a large puddle. He was holding a sign that I wasn’t close enough to read.

The car in front of me started to speed up as we got closer to the boy. Then the car moved to the right and drove straight through the deepest part of the puddle and jet-blasted this young boy with rainwater. My heart dropped as I slowed down, preparing to pop my hazards on, stop, and check to see if the little man was alright.

Then I saw the unexpected. The child was squealing and jumping for joy while holding his sign higher.

The sign said PLEASE SPLASH ME!! I looked around and finally noticed his mom standing with an umbrella a few feet away, smiling at her child. I thought, well, I understand the assignment now, and sped up to hit the puddle too. Perfect hit, splash! His laughter and smiles were so delightful, innocent, and beautiful that I started to cry. I was overwhelmed with emotion.

The day was turning into a spiritual roller coaster! From existential crisis to the most thoughtful, sweet, joyful surprises, I believe God had shared with me for trusting the process that day. A love letter to me, to brighten my spirits and remind me there is a whole big world out there and I belong in it.

If I had been where I wanted to be, then I wouldn’t have been where I needed to be. We have no idea what joy is waiting for us to discover it on the other side of the door we are hiding behind.