ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Healing: Why Is Letting Go so Hard for Many of Us?

Updated on September 20, 2019
Korresha Walker profile image

Ms. Walker has faced her own trial and tribulations with various forms of trauma and has become passionate about helping others.


The Past: Why is Letting go of the Past so Hard for Many of Us?

The past is a form of time that occurred away from this present moment. It is a period in our life where all we have left of it are the memories that continue to show up. Unfortunately, many of them are not pleasurable. In fact, most of memories that we hold from childhood are traumatic. Oftentimes, memories from the past can be so painful and dreadful that many people take on a harmful lifestyle, which normally looks like over indulging behaviors that has long-term consequences such as substance use/abuse, compulsive gambling and shopping, hyper sexuality and many others. In this article, we will discuss some long-term effects of trauma and reasons why letting go is so hard for many of us.

When trauma is not processed in a healthy way, it can have long-term damaging effects to the individual and how they adapt and function in the world. Trauma is an energy that gets stuck in our unconscious. Many people experience an insurmountable amount of sadness, anger, irritability, frustration, worry, fear, guilt and shame. Oftentimes, the inability to resolve this inner conflict often leads mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and panic attacks. Not only that, it disrupts our ability to build long-lasting meaningful relationships both socially and professionally. Most people have a desire to let go of the past bet get stuck for a couple of reasons.

First, in the Western culture, we have an obsession with the idea of "letting go” because it’s attractive and socially acceptable. We have all heard it, “you just need to let that go.” This idea is an illusion. Unfortunately, it is a very painful illusion. The reason why the idea of “letting go” is attractive is because it appears that you will be much lighter- by letting go, a weight will be lifted off of you. We assume that the weight of the past is dead weight or has no value, which is another illusion because every life event has value whether we agree with the life event or not. In order to let go of anything, you MUST heal first.

Another reason why letting go is so hard for many of us is because we have a very difficult relationship with death, endings and loss. Until one becomes comfortable with these, letting go will continue to be challenging. When an individual experiences trauma in early childhood, they suffer impairments in brain development causing them to get stuck in the fight or flight mode- in constant fear. During this time, one’s Ego is developed and serves as an emotional protector. The process of letting go involves the death or a separation from the Ego. It serves the same purpose as the amygdala in the brain that protects us from actual threat or harm. Instead, the Ego is an emotional protector and in order to let go of anything, we must change our relationship with death, endings and loss.

The good news: It is possible to heal from the past. One should be aware that it is a process that involves affirming an unequivocal commitment to healing, embracing and engaging the emotions that comes along with healing, and changing one’s relationship with death, endings and loss.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2019 Korresha Walker


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)