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Life After Your Life Partner Dies

Updated on March 12, 2016
JanTUB profile image

Jan T Urquhart Baillie has many sides to her personality, born out of a difficult life, and success due to her optimism and practical skills

Source

Accept help to get back to life again after loss

Your life partner has died, and you don't know which way to walk. You put one foot in front of the other, but you can't seem to get anywhere.

I was like that for a long time, then...

The best advice I got was to accept help. I am a giver, not a receiver, but I had to learn to do just that:

Accept help

You have the resources to help you - get back on the bus

Try them, you will be surprised.

  • your friends
  • your family
  • online resources
  • the library
  • your doctor
  • your church

Plant a garden, or just one plant - Watching something grow will remind you to be alive

Watch the garden grow
Watch the garden grow

We can do anything we want, as long as we stick to it long enough.

- Helen Keller

Watch the garden grow
Watch the garden grow

Take yourself to the beauty parlour

(even if you're male)

Go and have a facial, or a massage.

Try a new hairstyle.

Get your nails done. (Yes, sir, you too!)

The pampering will make you feel special again.

Life is changed

not ended!

Learn to live again...

— Unknown

Watch and be inspired - on YouTube

The book
The book

An amusing story

True!

I went to the doctor's a few weeks after Paul was killed.

She asked me if I had any problems, and I told her a few things.

She said, "Anything else worrying you?"

I said, "No. It's silly."

"Tell me."

"I'm worried I'll never have sex again."

"I know you and Paul had a very vigorous sex life. Here's a book that will help."

I tool the book and began to read.

An eighty year-old woman had exactly the same problem! I laughed out loud and decided I was normal. Got my perspective back.

A truly helpful book - get your copy at Amazon

When Your Partner Dies: Stories of Women Who Have Lost Their Husbands
When Your Partner Dies: Stories of Women Who Have Lost Their Husbands

I read and re-read this book when my last husband was killed. It is poignant and amusing and I found great solace in the pages.

 

When people told me

I'd never make it,

I listened to the one person

who said I could: me

— Shannon Sharpe

Butterflies are a symbol of new life - adopt one as your talisman

The story of a love is not important. What is important is that one is capable of love. It is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.

— Helen Hayes

Deconstructing, and Reimagining your life

make an altered book

Use the techniques in the book below to reinvent yourself.

Make an altered book to show where you've come from, and where you are headed.

You can add to it whenever you want to change direction.

Alter a book like your life is altered - Buy your copy on Amazon

Playing with Books: The Art of Upcycling, Deconstructing, and Reimagining the Book
Playing with Books: The Art of Upcycling, Deconstructing, and Reimagining the Book

Make a beautiful piece of art to work through your grief that your life is altered forever.

Rejoice in the opportunity to reimagine your life as you alter an old book.

 

Over every high mountain there is a path, though it may not be visible from the valley - Unknown

Walk in the natural world - and find yourself again

Serenity
Serenity | Source

Start wearing colourful clothes

even if you don't feel like it

You will be looking brighter and people will respond to that.

If you look drab, you'll feel drab.

Browse through the family photos

and make a scrapbook about your partner's life

This can be for you or for someone important to your partner

Let your sparks fly - get back to life - now!

fireworks
fireworks

Image: iStockphoto.com

Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly, knowing that I am with you.

This is the best book! - Get yourself or a friend a copy on Amazon

AFTER THE LIGHT: What I Discovered on the Other Side of Life That Can Change Your World
AFTER THE LIGHT: What I Discovered on the Other Side of Life That Can Change Your World

I didn't read this one early in my grieving, but it opened up the door to getting back to life.

I know you will love it.

 

Attribution

Images and graphics

Images and graphics in this lens are the property of Jan T Baillie, iStockphoto.com and Microsoft.com

Want to share - about your getting back on the bus experience?

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    • profile image

      Lilly-n-Lloyd 5 years ago

      Absolutely fantastic ideas to help people go through their grief. Wonderful lens.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @TeacherRenee: That's so nice of you to say that. Thanks.

    • TeacherRenee profile image

      TeacherRenee 5 years ago

      I hope you realize how many lives you are going to touch with this beautiful lens. :)

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @happynutritionist: Absolutely!

    • profile image

      happynutritionist 5 years ago

      These sound like great suggestions...as I read them I tend to think that these are things to do after a period of mourning...one does need to mourn. Then get on with the business of living.

    • JanTUB profile image
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      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @clouda9 lm: Thanks for saying such nice things.

    • JanTUB profile image
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      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @BunnyFabulous: I said to my daughters: He's dead, and I'm alive! So I got back to living. Thanks for visiting.

    • BunnyFabulous profile image

      BunnyFabulous 5 years ago from Central Florida

      So glad that you're sharing this positive outlook on handling life after you lose a spouse. One of my best friends lost her husband and it was a tough road, but she decided she was going to live her life and move forward. It made all the difference to her too.

    • clouda9 lm profile image

      clouda9 lm 5 years ago

      I know in my heart this page is going to help a lot of people who have lost a partner. *Blessed because it's so inspirational!

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @sousababy: Thanks for that!

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 5 years ago

      Great quotes too, came back to google +1 this. Take good care, Rose

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 5 years ago

      This is such a powerful lens. I am liking, googling +1ing it and adding it to my lens, 'Living Articles on Squidoo.' Hope it helps! Sincerely, Rose

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @Mickie Gee: I would have been so angry too! I'm sorry that happened to you. And glad you met a new life partner.

    • Mickie Gee profile image

      Mickie Goad 5 years ago

      I lost my first husband in 1994. I was 44 years old and an insurance agent sent me some brochures he thought would be helpful. One of those helpful booklets told me that "I would probably not marry again." I was 44. That statement made me feel like my life was over.

      I got so angry that I vowed that I would have a LIFE! It took me two years to feel like I was a "normal" person again. I got married to a man I met in grief group 3 years after our spouses passed away. My life did go on.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @Beaddoodler: Yes life is for living!

    • Beaddoodler profile image

      Jennie Hennesay 5 years ago from Lubbock TX

      I'm so sorry for your loss. So glad you found a way to rebuild your life and are sharing it with others.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @jmsp206: I hope they hel[ someone else, too. Thanks for dropping in

    • jmsp206 profile image

      Julia M S Pearce 5 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

      I can relate to this and it really hurts at the time. All the small positive things you can do that you suggested give you a lift.Thanks for sharing.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @seashell2: I'm glad you dropped in.

    • JanTUB profile image
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      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @SandyMertens: Yes, Sandy, and what joy there is in living.

    • seashell2 profile image

      seashell2 5 years ago

      Inspirational story, thanks for sharing!

    • SandyMertens profile image

      Sandy Mertens 5 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      A positive look on life. Knowing it goes on and we need to enjoy it to the fullness.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @MelRootsNWrites: Thank you so much.

    • Ann Hinds profile image

      Ann Hinds 5 years ago from So Cal

      Had to back and read all the lenses. What a great hope this will be to so many. Angel blessed.

    • MelRootsNWrites profile image

      Melody Lassalle 5 years ago from California

      Beautiful and inspirational.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @Ann Hinds: Thank you for saying that. Thanks for the blessing.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @anonymous: I wasn't very positive for a while, but came back to life again.

    • JanTUB profile image
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      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @bdkz: Hope springs eternal

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I love this lens with your insights and positive spirit! I am sorry for your loss, and I know you will help others with this lens.

    • profile image

      bdkz 5 years ago

      Thanks for sharing Jan.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @bead at home mom: Thanks for that! And the blessing

    • bead at home mom profile image

      Teri Hansen 5 years ago

      absolutely love the page. Very thought felt. Thanks for opening yourself and sharing with us.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @annieangel1: What a lovely comment. Thanks you.

    • annieangel1 profile image

      Ann 5 years ago from Yorkshire, England

      great start to the Rocketmoms challenge - such a heartwarming lens, thanks for sharing it.

    • JanTUB profile image
      Author

      Jan T Urquhart Baillie 5 years ago from Australia

      @HealthfulMD: yes, little steps, but you get there in the end, Life's good for me now with my new husband.

    • HealthfulMD profile image

      Kirsti A. Dyer 5 years ago from Northern California

      Lots of very good suggestions. It can be difficult to believe that life goes on for the person left behind.