“Judgment” is the word everyone has heard and everyone does an act of judgment almost all the time in their daily life. Somehow we all go through some or other kind of judgmental stare or comment in our lives. What we do realize subconsciously is that we tend to judge other people as well on our basis. For those who deny are lying. Some of us think it is right to judge whereas others would think it is wrong, well everyone have their reasons. Someone is judged based on looks or someone is judged based on the brand they are wearing or even if they are wearing a simple set of goggles, some people will think he or she to be an intelligent person, some will think of them as nerd or cute, others will jump to conclusion by simply blaming them for watching too much television and thus put up a negative vibe towards them.
Feeling of Judgment
Now the problem that lies here is that how to avoid such an interaction between two people. The thing is we judge because it makes us feel better about ourselves. We feel superior and secure but what we need to realize here is that the feeling will remain only for a short term. Therefore the first and foremost thing to do is become aware of your behavior, everybody has a critical spirit, when we notice others we start criticizing. For that take a neutral route by thinking that however people are, we have to let them go and move on with our lives. On the other hand when you are being judged, never be sensitive to take other people’s opinions to heart, just carry on the way you are. Just because others don’t see the way you do doesn't mean you are wrong.
Enviousness is also one of the major reasons that feeling of judgment arises. For example it happens more than often that if someone is well versed in speaking English, there is a lot of different dimensions in which people will react to that. Some will think of it as a good quality and praise them maybe, someone might comment: “he should focus more on national language rather than a language that is not ours.” Such kind of insecurity arises from enviousness when you know that you are not that good in the same area. Always try to get inspired from some quality in preference to finding fault with them.
Understanding before assuming
The next most important thing to do is believe in your-self. You need to understand that you are special in some or the other way and have trust in it, In other words accept your-self in the way you are. Seek for understanding instead of downright concluding to something. It is better to ask questions and get to know why they are behaving the way they are. For instance, if someone is too well dressed, we think of them as a show-off. But maybe all we need is to ask and know that might be the person is going to some kind of a gathering. Also ponder over your own behavior that might be once in your life you must have dressed overly for some reason, be open-minded enough to consider various reasons of getting dressed and broaden your vision of seeing situations. Try to understand those situations, instead of judging someone by how he looks or what he or she has done, try to understand the person and put your-self in their shoes. Try to imagine their background. Everyone has one, if not than try to understand the circumstances that might have led to the person acting or looking like they do.
For example you are a fit looking person, and you pass a judgment on someone not so fit or as people call it “fat”. Than you firstly have to realize your act that maybe you sound rude or not so appropriate, secondly you need to be open- minded to think that might be the other person has thyroid problem and that’s why he or she gains weight easier than others. So that was the back ground story you did not know before passing the judgment, therefore ask questions if you are curious instead of judging and making assumptions or pose question in a way to not hurt and at the same time advising for exercise and merely saying that it is good way to pass time every day.
While judging others, we are basically detecting something that we believe we do not do, or more specifically differentiating our self from them. Like if a lady is confused and stuck in the traffic jam. We immediately pass a comment like: “women can’t drive” or say something misbehaving. Judging by the fact that she is taking too long to find a way or move faster therefore we are annoyed. We think that we would not have taken that long. So we identified difference where as if one is open- minded and think that might be the woman is a beginner or might be having a head ache, or there might be other reasons leading her to act like that. Rather than trying to prove how we are better than others or faster or looking for a difference, one should focus on similarities and relate to others as well as recognize shared humanity. Similarities are easier to look for such as, think of the first time you drove a car rather than judging them as weak. Recall your own short comings and remind yourself that you have flaws too. The day you connect between realizing consciously your own act of judging others and recognizing your own flaws, be willing to acknowledge these short comings and engage your-self in kind heartiness and friendliness.
The last but most important thing to realize is that some of us think they are serving as God’s ad visors by asking others to behave in one or other way, for that just wait for a second and ask yourself this question: Is God constantly judging others? Is that how heaven or hell will be decided? Do I know the accurate standard by which God punishes or blesses others? Because of course He has more knowledge of the situation than I. He has created the people the way they are and surely He is looking after them like no other possibly can. Thus all we need to do is “ACCEPT”. Accept that we can’t control everything and change people and maybe He is trying to teach us something out of the situation, Accept that we do not have all the answers, accept that the only person we can control is ourselves, accept that God is working to make every one’s life for better. Once we accept it, we need to think positively and determine whether we are behaving decent or not and along with accepting others for what they are, we must practice act of love, patience and tolerance for others.
© 2017 Shehryar