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The Taking of Innocence

Updated on June 16, 2011

No Longer A Victim

I had a traumatic experience happen to me when I was 9 years old. I was raped by an older boy that lived in my neighborhood. I did not tell my parents about this until I was an adult. I was afraid and ashamed. I thought it was my fault. He told everyone. It ruined my childhood. It caused me to be sexually active before my time.

I was teased and tormented by the other kids. It caused me to hate myself. I was depressed. I felt like I was all alone. I did real good job of hiding it from my parents. I hid it so much that I suppressed all of my feelings and was in denial.

It was not until this year that something triggered my memory and all of those emotions and feelings came out. I started having nightmares and flashbacks. I finally got the help I needed. I was told that I have post traumatic stress disorder because of what happened to me as a child.

Therapy has done wonders for me. It made me realize that I am no longer a victim but I am a survivor.

I just wanted to share a poem about what I experienced on that day.


The Taking of Innocense

Shhh....be quiet no one has to know.

How he took you and hurt you years ago.

Come on he said it will be okay.

It's like a game we both can play.

Your not developed yet so it won't matter

In my mind I started getting sadder and sadder.

I followed him on my bike to a place near my house.

We creeped into the weeds being as quiet as a mouse.

Damn the grass! Damn the trees!

My bike dropped as he made me get down on my knees.

All I can remember is going home.

Feeling empty and all alone.

I was only nine.

And my innocence was no longer mine.

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    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

      I'm so sorry this happened to you Sassy. You're right-there is no telling how many children walk around with this terrible experience they are ashamed of, blaming themselves and keeping it a secret-it is what the bully perpetrator counts on. That is part of the victimization process. It is sad, but I see you have survived and are coming to grips with this. Good for you. Many Blessings.

    • sassyk73 profile image
      Author

      Karen A. Harris 6 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      Thank you Woman Of Courage :) God Bless You.

    • Woman Of Courage profile image

      Woman Of Courage 6 years ago

      Sassy, You are a strong person. Only the strong survive. What happened to you was not your fault. I pray that God will heal you completely.

    • MysteriousOne profile image

      MysteriousOne 6 years ago

      Congratulations,sassyk...this was a very courageous write!

      Writing is very cathartic,in situations like this. Great job! voted up!

    • sassyk73 profile image
      Author

      Karen A. Harris 6 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      Thank you Karanda and ahostagesituation. I appreciate your beautiful encouraging words. It is hard knowing that so many children are carrying this burden. It took me 28 years to get to where I am at now. God bless you.

    • ahostagesituation profile image

      SJ 6 years ago

      Hi--As a random stranger there's not much I can contribute, but I do want to tell you how brave I think you are. It was in no way your fault. I want to say I'm sorry to you, and it comes from a place of hating what was done to you, hating that not more is done to prevent it from happening to other children. I hate that some idiot boy's actions clouds part of your life as an adult. You're obviously a strong person, and thanks for sharing.

    • Karanda profile image

      Karen Wilton 6 years ago from Australia

      Congratulations on the first step along a tough road. I hope that by acknowledging your pain and traumatic experience here, in words, will go a long way to help you heal. Keep writing, it is great therapy.