I Quit Smoking Journal

Today I don’t smoke. Two days ago I did. I can’t quite make my mind up whether I’ve quit for financial reasons, health reasons, a combination of both or simply because I wanted to.

I’ve decided that to analyse what underpins my decision will probably cause me to furrow my brow. When my brow furrows, I like to smoke. Therefore analysis will be done at a later date.

I decided not to make a big deal out of it. I’m not the kind of woman that’s easily swayed by others, least of all myself, therefore sneakery was called for. I slowly reduced how many I smoked, quietly, cautiously, so as not to alarm the diaphanous fronds of addictive intangibles that rampaged around my circulatory system.

I think my plan worked. So far I haven’t wanted to kick the cat, abuse a random passer by or – smoke something. Anything. So long as it constitutes a lungful of something noxious.

I can’t promise my self-ambush will be successful but I’ll sure give it a shot. It’s called quitting cold turkey. Let’s talk about that.

My quit smoking journal is supposed to help me, not you. Not that I'm selfish. If anything I write strikes a cord and you go on to quit, woot woot for us.

I just figured I'd journal my way from A to cleanlungsfatterass for two reasons:

• I love to write for the sake of writing
• Whinging my way through the process publicly seems way better than whinging through it privately

So let's talk cold turkey. Wassup with that? It's not clever, cool or even slightly halfway towards having a good time. So why am I doing it this way?

Simple: I really can't be bothered attending the quit smoking clinic. I can't abide platitudes and words from another that sound right - but aren't meant. Of course they'll want me to quit, that's the point of the clinic, the objection on which these damn places are built.

But there's marked difference between say my sister saying 'please please quit, it's killing you, you'll be so much healthier and happier!' and a faceless quit smoking nurse. Besides - my sister doesn't say none of that crap to me.

Want to know how to quit smoking cold turkey? Ya just don't smoke another cigarette!

No secret, no inside info, nothing hidden. You smoke one - you don't smoke another. You quit. Unfortunately the crux of the quitting cold turkey is the really tough part.

Because you want to have another. And another. And another. That's the addiction part. Your job is to fight the urge - regain control. Not easy I know but then - good things in life never are.

Plus like many folks, most of us quitters worry about other consequences:

• becoming more ill temporarily
• weight ... ohhhhhh the weight gain
• failing to quit

The last one tickles me. No one loves a quitter. Except when it's a reformed smoker. Generally, quitters suck, they're unrealible, never finish what they start. Yet becoming an ex-smoker is something to be proud of.

An achievement. Ohhhh the irony.

To quit ... to quit

is terribly shit but

for an ex-smoker

no longer a croaker

To quit ... to quit

Makes you a big hit!

The above is my current weight. It's somewhere just beyond nine and a half stone. Mark Knowles tells me not to worry about the weight gain. I decided I would. Being Hypothyroid is difficult enough, without gaining weight, accidentally or otherwise.

Not that I disagree with Mark. I don't. And his endeavour to regain his former svelte self is certainly upping the anti re his personal fitness level. More than anything, I admire his tenacity. I know just how much crap life threw at him, right when he needed it the least.

But he stuck it out. Mark's a quitter and proud of it! In fact - there's a few quitters among the site, all that are recent. I'd love to gather a Quitters Hall Of Fame!

• Mark Knowles - confirmed quitter
• Sandra Rinck - confirmed quitter
• Dale Mazurek - wannabe quitter
• Me! - great quitter potential

Anyway - I ain't adding to my waistline. I have had a few moments today when I coulda ... so I drank water instead. As a bonus, this gives me a certain amount of unlooked for exercise, due to the amount of time I spend dashing to the loo/john/dunny.

I will keep an eye on it and add it to the chart, whether it goes up or down. I am aiming for the same. I'm not greedy - even stevens will make me happy.

Here, some random rubbish I have discovered or felt since my last cigarette.

1. drank several litres of water. Discovered my bladder can only be stretched so far
2. I possess a natural abilty to drive like an old woman or alternatively, a demon that owns the road. Smoking is irrelevant. I always thought my driving mood swings were related to having cigarettes to hand - or not. Not sure whether I'm happy about this one. I don't like the thought that I actually drive at 20mph because I can and not because I've had a cigarette and chilled out
3. telling random strangers you're a quitter and proud of it only makes them move away from you
4. my sense of taste/smell is the same. My hearing doesn't appear to have improved this last 24 hours either
5. it's harder driving/walking past shops and not buying cigarettes - than it is not to smoke them. That revelation freaks me out
6. I found the definition on quitting smoking. It made me laugh. So damn pompous: process of discontinuing the practice of inhaling a smoked substance - and not quite so simple as that statement would suggest.

I guess some quit smoking tips are called for. Not sure I'll be using them - I just tend to ignore smoking urges because I'm stubborn, than because it's greatly beneficial.

Still, most folks don't think like I do and for their benefit, a few handy hints may well make all the difference:

• invest in playdoh - or nab some from your kids. Great for when you just have to have something in your hand. Tastes vile too and absolutley can not be smoked - no matter what shape you roll it into
• avoid trigger beverages ... you know, coffee, tea, alcohol. Drink lots of water instead. It's really very boring taste wise, more so if you don't normally drink it. And the taste will piss you off. You'll sit musing on why anyone ever bothers drinking it and forget about smoking. If you're lucky, you could start an interesting debate about why water is shit - further diverting your attention away from your cravings
• top tip - you will want to eat stuff. It's the natural alternative to smoking. Throw out anything that tastes great. Honest - if it tastes good then it's bad for you. Think of it like this: great = weight. Simple. And you will eat crap. You'll chew your fingers if there's nothing else you can get your hands on. That said - if eating takes your mind away from sucking on a cigarette like a hoover sucks carpet - knock yourself out.
• the craving for a cigarette lasts ... three to five minutes. Lock yourself in the bathroom. Count to 100 slowly. Occupy yourself - the urge to smoke will pass. If you can't occupy yourself, perhaps you have deeper issues, going back to your childhood, none of which are helpful to discover right around the time you decide to quit smoking. Think about that one ;)
• don't hang around with your smoky-joe mates. Right now, they're gonna smell so damn good. Two or three days in you're likely end up hanging round them ... breathing them in.
• As and when I think of any further, practical and altogether useful quit smoking tips, I'll come back and add them. I suppose I'll have a little spare time on my hands now. No trips to the shop for a packet of Malboro' ... yep, I'm a fan of cowboys and dirty tobacco ;)

I'm going to go have dinner now. I am genuinely hungry. So is my daughter. I will let you know if anything strange comes over me or if I end up buying a tub of playdoh whilst out.

I will also be adding to it as the days pass. How I am or aren't doing, that kind of thing :)

27th May - No more smoking. That's it. My relationship with cigarettes is done. All that's left is the grieving. I suppose I could go outside and have a burial or some such, to give it some closure.

I won't bother. A) I'm not a shrink, interested in closing doors behind me, bringing closure, drawing a line etc etc and B) I don't think my friends want me burying packets of Marlboro under their lawn.

I also suspect my good friend Kieron will dig them up again - and cremate them properly by smoking them.

28th May - Day two. This is the day that I wrote this no fog frog log. I've discovered at least one thing ... I'm managing to write without filling an eashtray full of ash and tab ends. Oh and I'm ever so slightly contributing to a greener lifestyle. Cool. I'm fairly sure I've contributed a fair amount of non bio-degradable trash to the dump for the last few years.

Now I'm paying back :) Does it feel good? No, not really. I quite liked smoking.

29th May - Day three. I doubt I'll do this day after day. Partly because writing about not smoking kinda makes me want to smoke. Other than that, I've had an ok non-smoking day. No bruised cats and my daughter is still happy in my company. She's yet to notice though ;)

30th May - Day four. Uneventful I did have a moment where I wanted one but I started wondering what the trigger was. I hadn't had a coffee (something else I've weaned myself off), I hadn't eaten. No one had annoyed me, I wasn't on the phone or socializing. In the end I was a little pissed at the urge for taking me by surprise when there was no real need. I thought it sneaky so was evem less inlcined to gibe in than I may have usually been.

31st May - Day five. Spent a few hours with my friend Carol. She was smoking. We were indoors. She smelt soooooo good. I had a half litre bottle of water with me so I steadfastly kept drinking from it. After two hours I'd filled it three more times and emptied it. Consequently I semi-distracted myself by having to dash off to her bathroom every 15 minutes. Anyway, I survuved, unscathed. As did Carol. I don't think I'm above a snatch, light and run. An urge is an urge, after all :)