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Selfish is the New Selfless

Updated on October 25, 2019


lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.


concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own.

Dictionary Definitions

When we define these words, they are completely opposite. What happens if you are too selfless? Or on the other hand, too selfish? What would be a perfect combination?

The Too Selfless One

When one is selfless, we usually consider this an amazing trait. Don't get me wrong, this is still an amazing trait but on the contrary, it can be an exhausting and self-harming one.

What I mean by exhausting is that when someone is more concerned about making everyone else around them happy, it can become exhausting. It can be mentally and physically exhausting. Mentally because all you think about is others happiness (for the most part). Physically, this can include for example, letting your husband/partner/wife/spouse sit on the couch to relax, do little as possible, never asking for their help, making sure the house is clean, running the errands, and other activities like this.

Self-harming comes into play and its not the definition most may think. This can mean burn out, tie in with exhaustion, never having anything for yourself because its always for others, tiring, can cause unhappiness, can cause resentment, and sometimes even depression depending on other factors.

The Too Selfish One

When one is selfish, it is always all about them. Whatever they do is not for others but for only them. Anything they do, it benefits them whether it be in a relationship, job, friendship, or life in general. While this can make the individual themselves very happy, this can hurt others around them.

The individual who is selfish seems like they will always be or always are happy. They can get other to do things for them, which benefits them. They will make plans with friends or their partner and it be all about the selfish individual as they usually pick where they want to go, what they want to eat, what they want to do, and usually when they want to leave. As you noticed in my previous sentence the word "they" is repeated and in this case, "they" is the selfish individual.

By being selfish, this can hurt others in that individuals life. Whether it be their partner, family, or even children, if those in this persons life are CONSTANTLY doing for them but do not get anything in return, it can eventually deteriorate relationships. Being selfish and hurting others is pretty common sense and does not need a long explanation.


The Perfect Combination

There really should be a perfect combination of these two traits. It is okay to be selfless. It can also be okay to be selfish. Finding the perfect combination can create a healthy balance.

Being the right amount of selfish can be considered self-care. Too much selfishness can be considered self-centered. Too much selflessness can be considered exhausting. Just enough selflessness can be considered caring.

If you put the two together just right, it's healthy. In certain situations, it is okay to be selfish. Putting yourself first in most cases that can assist with self-care. In order to be selfless towards others, self-care is important.


Take Care of Yourself First

Be selfish, but not all the time. When it is necessary for self-care, BE SELFISH.

Be selfless, but not too much. It's always good to take care of your spouse/partner/friends/family, but in the process, do not become unhappy but do not COMPLETELY STOP BEING SELFLESS.


What do you think?

Is it okay to be selfish in some situations?

See results

© 2019 Dana Abbott


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