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So Starving I Could Eat a Potted Plant

Updated on October 22, 2013
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for over 7 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

It's That Time Again

It's that time of year again. I am on a diet. Again. Everyone I know is on a diet right now. Since I am totally low-budget, I am not stepping foot into a gym. I've bought two new workout DVDs. I also purchased Slim Fast for the first time ever. I've already given up on using Slim Fast for the first time ever, too. I determined Slim Fast is perfect for the dieter that is too lazy to chew. Since a delicious drink is obviously not filling, I am not making that mistake again.

I am starving. I am unhappy. I am starting to wonder why I do this to myself? I used to be able to drop weight easily, but as I get older, it has become more difficult.

Work is Not Helping

Whenever I am at work, there is always temptation. People are constantly bringing in food. Have you ever noticed there is a holiday for every damn thing? What is that? The Valentine's Day food is finally gone, but it is neverending. It's always someone's birthday or some celebration. If someone brings in food for President's Day next week, I am throwing a stapler at their head!

The worst part is seeing or hearing or smelling everyone else around you eating great food when I'm sitting at a desk starving. Here is something else - don't ever approach anyone and say, "Why are you dieting? You are not fat." Exactly. That is why I am dieting. I am heading down Chubby Lane at 100 miles per hour. I need to put the brakes on before I make it to Fat Land.

I Fear For Other's Safety

I am starting to fear for the safety of those around me. Please don't walk by me with food. If you just went to McDonald's, keep your distance. I might just attack you. I would practically kill for some fries right now. I would love cake or ice cream or something, as well. What would I do for a Klondike Bar? Oh, you don't even want to know. Sometimes when food is not available, I am so starving I could eat a potted plant. A plant would probably taste like salad, right? I mean, it sure can't taste much worse.

For now, I am trying to behave. I have apples, bananas, salad, skim milk, etc. I must make it over this hump. I will make it over this hump. I just need to picture the summer and going to the pool. Ah, yes, the pool. I need to picture going to the beach. That is right.

There sure is a lot of good food at the beach though...

What Works Better?

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Comments

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  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie InABottle 

    8 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    You are so right. Most people would appreciate a $25 gift card more than cake. I know I would. Companies have traditions and just refuse to stop them. Go figure.

  • imatellmuva profile image

    imatellmuva 

    8 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

    I was also considered the party pooper. Many people complained about the cake thing, but no one would speak up. In some months there were birthdays every week! My suggestion was if $25.00 can be spent per cake, why not buy a gift card for the birthday person, so he/she can spend it how they choose. The cake thing continued because of...feelings, of all things.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie InABottle 

    8 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    It is impossible to get people to stop bringing in that birthday cake at work. I've tried that myself. I was known as a party pooper after that. I don't discourage the cake anymore.

  • imatellmuva profile image

    imatellmuva 

    8 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

    On my last job I tried to discourage the birthday cake thing. It's an old office tradition that not only packs on the pounds, but sends everyone over 40 to the baffroom!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile imageAUTHOR

    Jeannie InABottle 

    8 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I totally understand, Neville. Food is just so delicious. Thanks for reading my hub!

  • profile image

    Neville Walk 

    8 years ago

    I keep meaning to go on a diet, but it never lasts more than two days, because dieting always makes me hungry, so after two days I start eating again, and end up eating more than I did before. I just enjoy food too much.

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