The feeling of loose after a death

What does a person do with all the time that was spent being a caregiver? I feel like there is still so much I should do for my father who has been gone for almost a year. I know he is gone but some days I feel I should call them home and see how he is.

What do I do now that I have time? I am too old to go back to school. I want to take up so much. I write about what I have been through and so many others are going through. I do my own accounting as I took that up as a career years ago. Should I become a professional caregiver? The answer is a big NO. I have been a caregiver as far back as I can remember. I had my mother who was undiagnosed Bi-Polar and then she got Dementia. She passed and then it was found that Dad had Alzheimer's. Well, caregiver again. I took a job for respite time and it was as a caregiver to a lovely, sweet, Godly woman who taught me so much. When do my feelings of having to be there for others end? I have never taken that much time for me and my health and it is beginning to show. I still need to feel active.

I want to do my beading and writing and take up Native American Studies. Will this make life more purpose-filled? How do I get over feeling so lost and lonely? I have a husband but a large part of my day and life is gone. I know I need to move on with life. My counselor said no more caregiver as it will be hard on my mental health. Now I can take time to heal myself some have said. I can take care of my Asthma, high blood pressure and other problems. What can I or that except see doctors?