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Sometimes We Have to Be Able to Forgive and To Let Go Ourselves Included

Updated on April 7, 2011

Life With Trauma and Regret

Sometimes life brings us such tragedy and trauma that it mortifies us to being unable to let go or forgive. The thoughts of revenge to be so horrific we find ourselves in aw that it was something we could’ve even imagined. It consumes us with rage and anger, just trying to give way to those who could have caused such pain.  Although knowing deep down inside these acts will never take place we still are consumed with why, and how this nightmare is even possible.

Then there are the things that we ourselves regret in life, and wish we could take back.  What may appear to be small in nature for most, for us it’s like the walls have crashed in leaving us buried in regret and guilt.


What Most Don’t Realize Until Later

What we often don’t realize until months, maybe even years later is that the victims of such traumas would never have wanted us to live in such peril. Whether it was a family member whose life was taken to soon, or a loved one who was worshiped like we never deemed possible, they would have hoped and dreamed we would move on.  As they watch over us trying to find a way to convey the message of wanting to bring joy and happiness back into our lives, we all to often are so consumed with the thoughts of anger and revenge that we never hear the message.

When the act was committed against ourselves we seem to let the one who inflicted such horror go on to torture us for years.  We dwell on the devastation and allow the persecutor to finish that which he intended. We begin living in a state of depression, with a lack of self worth and reliving the event causing such turmoil not only for ourselves, but those that love us the most.

 Although forgiveness in it’s entirety is not always possible, being able to let go and get on with our lives is a necessity. This not only holds true for ourselves, but those we care about and need us as we once were to survive. They are the ones who are so desperately trying with everything humanly possible to help, but just can’t seem to find the answer. Being able to see what was intended and how it is not only consuming our lives but others, is sometimes is half the battle.  It allows us to begin to change the thoughts of revenge to that which doesn’t allow the completion of his/her intentions.  Being able to stand up and shout to the world that you and your family have let go and refuse to be a victim any longer, is often revenge in it’s greatest form.

Forgiving oneself is often the hardest task of all, for who can crucify us more than ourselves.  What we need to understand is that being able to ask for forgiveness is usually harder than giving it.  Being able to admit when we have made the most horrific (for us, a mole hill for others) or smallest of mistakes in life is a part of being human.  We learn through experience which builds strength and hope not the other way around.  Life’s filled with trials and tribulations that make us grow stronger and allow us to share so that others may not go on to make the same mistakes.  The funny part about it is when we finally develop enough courage to face the one we thought was so devastated by our actions and ask for forgiveness, the response is to often “Oh, it’s no big deal. I new you were sorry, it’s OK.” and we wish we had done it sooner.  Being able to admit our faults and mistakes and ask for forgiveness requires a far bigger man, or woman than trying to deny or defend the action.

How Is This Possible

Making it all possible requires different goals and responsibilities. Being able to work through tragedy and trauma often requires soul searching and coming to believe that it is possible to regain that happiness we once knew.

Sometimes this is done through reading, or writing about the experience and the feelings it brought in depth. Having someone to confide in is crucial at this point. Whether it be a professional therapist, counselor, or family friend, working through such traumas requires letting go of all that anger in some form of positive release. Giving it to God or your spiritual higher power is also a way of letting go.

There are victim rights groups who have counseling and groups available where knowing your not alone is a form of relief. Being able to share with those who have dealt with something similar is a part of giving back that brings a form of peace and strength inside.

So no matter how you choose to let go, forgive, and move on, it is what the other victims of this tragedy or trauma not only need, but deserve.


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    • Charlu profile image

      Charlu 6 years ago from Florida

      Hi Eiddwen Thank you for the comments and the votes. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my hubs more than you will ever know. It gives me a sense of pride when I read your comments. Thanks again and have an incredible day.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

      This is a great hub Charlu, I cannot believe that I haven't come accross it before now, plus quite a few others as well.

      I push all the buttons for this one and on I go to read some more.

      Take care my friend,


    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 6 years ago

      Charlu Many times in life I have made the wrong choice and I think I am hoping others will forgive me.They don't and life goes on.I have too many things to accomplish.I am sure I have changed for the better but letting go takes time.On both ends.I love your hubs they are very helpful and can be put to good use.Thanx.

    • Charlu profile image

      Charlu 6 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Dream On Sometimes it's seems so hard in the beginning and so exhilarating and life changing once we've let it go. Thank you again for your time and for your wonderful comments and votes.

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 6 years ago

      I am honored to be the first to comment.Life happens and so many things good and bad take place.We have little or no control over some things.We must find a way to forgive and move on.Great hub rated up up up!!!!Then through it all we will find a love greater than all the sadness we have experienced.Thanks for helping us find out way when we are lost.