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When Pregnancy Is Not All Bliss

Updated on October 17, 2014

Miscarriage, blighted ovum, imcompetent cervix- wishing they were not in our vocabulary?

Being pregnant is an absolutely fantastic, humbling experience. It should be a time of great joy and serenity, awaiting the birth of your own flesh and blood. For many women however, the pregnancy brings anxiety and problems, sometimes ending before it barely started. The symptoms and causes of miscarriages are many, especially early miscarriages. Getting pregnant after a miscarriage can be frightening. By telling my own story, I hope to help and encourage somebody else out there.

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Unexpected Pregnancy

Both my husband and I agreed on not having children. Not that we did not like children, we loved them. Children were always close with us, and my husband was known for being able to put any infant to sleep. We just felt the responsibility was great, and we also wanted to do a few things together first. We married young, and felt there was no rush. Instead we pursued other interests, including traveling.

In the fifth year of our marriage we took leave from our jobs to go on the Grand Tour of Africa. We spent two months visiting three countries in East Africa. I fell in love with Ethiopia, and we decided to move there!

That is when we found out that I was pregnant! What a disappointment, I did three tests before it really sank in. The last one I did in the clinic and when the doctor saw me crying over the result he asked me if I wanted an abortion. This immediately dried my tears!

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Happily Pregnant

Within a matter of days I had turned from unhappy to happily pregnant. True, it would change all our projects, and it was not planned. But it was a baby! I started reading books, following the development of my child with pictures and charts. I would even sing to my stomach.

Since I did not have any problem with nausea, everything was going great. Until I started bleeding in the third month. The ultrasound showed the baby, but there was no heartbeat. They told me to wait a few days. The following day I got into labor and gave birth at home. I was still admitted to hospital, but it was just routine. To them, that is.

Picture by MATATLANTICA

A miscarriage is the spontaneous loss of a fetus before the 20th week of pregnancy. (Pregnancy losses after the 20th week are called preterm deliveries.) ...Most miscarriages are caused by chromosome problems that make it impossible for the baby to develop. Usually, these problems are unrelated to the mother or father's genes. PubMedHealth

A fantastic book!

This is the book I used to visualize the pregnancy week by week.

The Reason Behind Miscarriage

When I asked why this happened, they just told me it was very common. Most likely something had been wrong with the baby, they told me. Later on I got in touch with some organizations that give support to people who have experienced miscarriage. This helped me a lot. One of the key-things I learned from them was to allow myself to grieve. This was not just a brief pregnancy, this was my child.

For different reasons we decided not to try and have another baby immediately. But having tasted pregnancy once, it was in my thoughts. So when I found myself pregnant by "mistake" again after eight years I was very happy!

(Picture by /tinypatsy)

Get help!

Help can be in professional form, or by talking to friends and family, or by reading other women's experiences. The important thing is to deal with the grief, not letting it take over your life.

Blighted Ovum

When the doctor saw how nervous I was in my second pregnancy, he sent me to do an ultrasound. This, he hoped, would calm me down a bit. How I wish. Instead the ultrasound showed that I was pregnant, but the gestational sack was empty. This is what they call a blighted ovum. The conception takes place and the pregnancy continues, but the baby does not grow. When I was ten weeks pregnant they decided I should clean out the womb, there was no point in waiting any longer. Even today it is difficult to think of the depression I experienced.

The good that came out of this was that the doctor took me seriously and sent me for loads of testing. The result- nothing wrong with me!

(Picture by jjac_31456287)

A blighted ovum (also known as "anembryonic pregnancy") happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. Cells develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. A blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant. A high level of chromosome abnormalities usually causes a woman's body to naturally miscarry.

American Pregnancy Association

Planning a Pregnancy

This time we decided to go for it. By this time I REALLY wanted a child. I started eating proper food, and doing everything to be in good health. Like the other times, I easily got pregnant. Again I started bleeding in the third month! In the hospital they gave me some medicine, some hormones I think, and the bleeding stopped.

My doctor was really nice, each time he saw me he allowed me to listen to the baby's heartbeat. He knew how important it was to me. In the fourth month he discovered that my cervix was already open. Bed-rest, and again bed-rest. Very boring, but necessary. By the end of the pregnancy they said I could live normally, but by then I was so enormous it was hard to move around. My first daughter was born after a very short labor, sound and healthy!

My pregnancy bible! - This one really helped me

Ectopic Pregnancy

We wanted our daughter to have a little brother or sister, so we tried again. Yes! No. Another early miscarriage. I did not feel as down as the other times, but still, it was my child.

Life went on. We realized our plan and moved to Ethiopia. Three months later I was pregnant! When I went to the hospital for the first ultrasound they told me it was an ectopic pregnancy. I went home and made some research, and took the first flight to Europe. If I had had a second opinion, I would have saved a lot of money and distress. It was not an ectopic pregnancy, which can become very dangerous, it was "only" another blighted ovum. I had the D&C and went home again. The doctor said I should be careful now. I was getting on in age he said, like if 40 was ancient! But most importantly, my body had been pregnant five times, and needed a rest.

(Picture by IJsbrandtGA)

An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a pregnancy starts outside the womb (uterus)...Ectopic pregnancies cannot continue to birth (term). The developing cells must be removed to save the mother's life. You will need emergency medical help if the area of the ectopic pregnancy breaks open (ruptures).PubMedHealth

What about you?

Have you, or anybody you know, experienced anything of this?

See results

Incompetent Cervix

After a lot of serious thinking, I finally accepted the fact that I would have only one child. My wish had been to have many, but she would be fine. I loved her so dearly, and she was (is) a very affectionate child.

When I was late again, the test was negative. After a week I took another test- negative. So I went on a trip, touring Ethiopia. The last day of the vacation, when everybody went to lie by the pool, I slept. I was exhausted. Yes, I was pregnant.

Because of the negative tests, I did not get to the doctor until the third month. When he did the ultrasound there was not heartbeat. I felt numb. The next week the same. Another blighted ovum? I asked him to wait another week, and he agreed. That day we heard the heartbeat! He was as happy as we were, very nice doctor.

This time was very different from the other pregnancies. I was very sick, even lost weight. A few times I had to be admitted with drip.

What was the same was my weak cervix, this time accompanied with constant contractions. Again- bed-rest. At first it is nice to rest, but after a few months it gets very,very boring.

My second daughter was born after only two hours of labor, I almost did not make it to the clinic. Five hours later I went home!

Here are some useful links

The first one on the list is the one that helped me almost 20 years ago, I think!

Miscarriage tribute - Very emotional video

My Advice

Everybody is different in emotional and physical make-up. Find out what will make you more comfortable - or comforted.

  • Always get a second opinion. Always. Doctors can make a mistake, even with the best of intentions.
  • Trust yourself and your feelings. Do not feel you are being a nuisance by asking questions or having fears. It is your body, your child.
  • If the worst happens, ask for help or contact organizations that specialize in this field. To be able to talk to others or reading their experiences usually helps.
  • Inform yourself. Read, ask questions, make research. Then, discuss it with the doctor. Knowledge and understanding make things less scary.
  • Take care of your health. Especially if you want to try soon again to have a baby. But, in general, to be in shape helps you cope with everything much better.
  • Even if a pregnancy is difficult, it is so much worth it when you finally get to hold your baby!

Every year, in October, parents (and others) all around the world keep a special memorial for the children they have lost, whether by miscarriage, stillbirth or after birth. You can read more about this here: INFANT DEATH AWARENESS

Do you have some thoughts? - Share them with us!

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    • profile image

      Vera 2 years ago

      I want to use this medium to tell the world how happy i am for what Dr Omar did for me with the help of his root and herbs after 6 years of marriage no child i have tried every means to get a child and i have been to may places until my colleague introduced me to Dr Omar to me how he has help others with his roots and herbs even when your tubes are tied he still have the roots to untied the tubes,i hardly believe because i have also tried some herbs before there was know good result but i just said let give a trier surprisingly i got pregnant a month after the herbs was taking as i was instructed and the exact time given to me by Dr Omar .last two weeks God bless me with a baby boy with the help of Dr Omar roots and herbs for other stander out there never you give up because there is still hope for you,the God that help me with Dr Omar herbs will also help you . thanks you once again Dr Omar for your help...(omarspiritualhome@yahoo.com +2348158429023)

      Vera

    • Elaine Chen profile image

      Elaine Chen 4 years ago

      I learn new term of "ectopic pregnancy" from this lens, thanks for sharing the description.

    • VictoriaKelley profile image

      VictoriaKelley 4 years ago

      My daughter is expecting a baby in June. So far she only has morning sickness. Her last baby was tough and we are lucky to have her little boy. Thanks for the info.

    • profile image

      Ruthi 5 years ago

      Your inner strength throughout your motherhood journey is amazing. You have my blessings and a bit o' sunshine.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      You are a strong woman Mujjen. Writing this article must have been hard to do, and many tears of healing flowed. Thank you for sharing, may this help some ladies who find it and read what you have to say. ~ Blessed!

    • GeekGirl1 profile image

      GeekGirl1 5 years ago

      Wow, stories like yours really make women be the stronger gender. Only women can handle this much and never give up!

    • profile image

      fullofshoes 5 years ago

      been down these roads, unpleasant, but everything happens for a reason. I now have 2 lovely grown children.

    • howtocurecancer profile image

      howtocurecancer 6 years ago

      Oh, my God! You suffered a lot. My sister is in 9 month, she will give birth in a few weeks, but she had some problems with the cervix, now she is fine.God bless you!

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Just added this to your devoted section of my 'Squidoo people with a good heart' lens. Sure hope it helps. Thank you Mujjen, your wise words have definitely helped keep me going. Fondly, Rose

    • tiff0315 profile image

      tiff0315 6 years ago

      My sister has had many complications in her pregnancies and she is finally able to give birth to a beautiful baby girl in a couple weeks, after trying for 6 years. This is a difficult thing that so many women go through.

    • Everyday-Miracles profile image

      Everyday-Miracles 6 years ago

      I'm lensrolling this to my birth story :)

    • cloudiosify profile image

      cloudiosify 6 years ago

      Really touching.

    • profile image

      waverly147 6 years ago

      Oh! Your story is very touching. But it happens with many women. So there is pregnancy miracle book, angel of every women who have had bad experiences about pregnancy.

      How to Get Pregnant

    • jvsper63 profile image

      jvsper63 6 years ago

      Great advise, Scary but a beautiful and touching lens!!

    • beckwong profile image

      beckwong 6 years ago

      Such a touching story...Thanks for sharing!Blessed....

    • FanfrelucheHubs profile image

      Nathalie Roy 6 years ago from France (Canadian expat)

      Beautiful and touching story.

      Last spring I had a blighted ovum. I kinda knew something was wrong from the begining, so I was not too depressed when they confirm the problem. I got pregnant again soon after and I am expecting late march.

    • jackieb99 profile image

      jackieb99 6 years ago

      Lots of stuff I didn't know before. Thank you.

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 6 years ago

      My story is complete opposite- I got pregnant 3 times on birth control, last time post-vasectomy. I had and kept my babies and have lived an interesting life of teenage parenting, single-parenting, parenting in a blended family. The last time, that was post-vasectomy, I was absolutely terrified of losing her - at first it was shock of course, the odds were quite against it happening, but when that wore off, boy did I ever want that baby!! Thanks for sharing your story, it will help many women I'm sure.

    • hayleylou lm profile image

      hayleylou lm 6 years ago

      **Blessed** by Pregnancy Squidoo Angel and featured on Squidoo Angel for Pregnancy lens

    • raegal75 profile image

      raegal75 6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your story. I haven't been through this myself, but I have family member that have, and it's impossible to know how it feels, and I'm sure each person copes differently.

    • pixelposy profile image

      pixelposy 6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have come to realize a lot more women than I first thought have suffered miscarriages, and like your first doctor many just brush it off as one of those things, but it affects the parents very deeply.

    • hotbrain profile image

      hotbrain 6 years ago from Tacoma, WA

      Excellent lens. I am glad that I found it. I've never been through this but you describe the experience very well.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your story, and I am so sorry for all you had to go through to have your children. I was only able to have one but for different reasons all together, and she has grown up to be very independent, confident with tons of friends, she never had a problem with being the only one thank goodness :)

    • NAIZA LM profile image

      NAIZA LM 6 years ago

      SUCH an inspiring, brave life story! It truly touches my heart thinking how mother's love can endure every pain and suffering for the sake of her previous baby. Thank you for writing and sharing your story. You are really amazing. Definitely, a fabulous five and congrats on your Purple Star! :)

    • dwnovacek profile image

      dwnovacek 6 years ago

      Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us. Angel Blessings!

    • PaulaMorgan profile image

      Paula Morgan 6 years ago from Sydney Australia

      I have a friend who has struggled with pregnancy like you have... I think it's great you shared your stories and your feelings here.

    • JanieceTobey profile image

      JanieceTobey 6 years ago

      Thanks so much for sharing your story! Blessed.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      What a beautiful story and awesome pictures! Thanks for sharing with us.

    • kougar lm profile image

      kougar lm 6 years ago

      Thank-you for your open and honest sharing of a very difficult time in your life. You and your story have touched my heart in a special way.

    • clouda9 lm profile image

      clouda9 lm 6 years ago

      Beautifully told, although I know it was very painful to write. By writing this you are helping so many other couples, bless you and your family. My Angel Blessing today is SWAH :)

    • Amy Fricano profile image

      Amy Fricano 6 years ago from WNY

      Compelling, honest, beautiful.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      The emotions are unveiled in this lens with such gravity that I could not help emphathise with you. Hope that this passionate lens full with compassion gives hope and strength to people who have similar experiences.

    • GramaBarb profile image

      GramaBarb 6 years ago from Vancouver

      Your story touched my heart so deeply. What a brave person you are and so full of love. What an honour to know you!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      My heart aches for you. I had two children with no problems so I cannot even imagine the pain of having a miscarriage. Congratulations on your Purple Star, and may God comfort you in your loss and help you rejoice in the ones you carried to term. {{{Hugs}}}

    • SandyMertens profile image

      Sandy Mertens 6 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      Congrats on your purple star. Thanks for sharing your tough experience. Glad it ended well with the baby.

    • CrossCreations profile image

      Carolan Ross 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Bless you for your courage to grow in the face such anguish. A lady I worked with went through some similar experiences years ago, and I remember still the shadows in her eyes, especially when seeing another pregnant woman or a baby. She adopted a little girl and then later even had TWINS - artificial insemination with her husband's sperm.

      I hope the expression of your story here helps relieve some of the pain and wish you well.

    • LouisaDembul profile image
      Author

      LouisaDembul 6 years ago

      Writing it was not too hard, but reading it afterwards was! We think we have put certain things behind us, but they are always there.

    • LissaKlar LM profile image

      LissaKlar LM 6 years ago

      Yes, I agree with the comment below mine, this is a painful subject. Your story was well written. Thank you for sharing, that must've been very hard!

    • profile image

      GiftsBonanza 6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this - I found it quite tough to read due to my own personal experiences, but it was beautifully written :)

    • Othercatt profile image

      Othercatt 6 years ago

      This is such a sad story (with a happy ending!). I'm still shocked that you wee sent home after only 5 hours! I can't even imagine.......

    • jmsp206 profile image

      Julia M S Pearce 6 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

      Pregnacy is a unique experience for all woman.Some have a straight forward time of it others very complicated!Thanks for sharing yours!

    • profile image

      ohcaroline 6 years ago

      You are so brave to tell your story and to go through all the events again. May this lens bring healing to your events of the past.

    • LouisaDembul profile image
      Author

      LouisaDembul 6 years ago

      Just want to say Thank you for all the feedback. Many women have experienced the same, or worse. The greatest help for me is the fact that I did get two wonderful children eventually, others are not as lucky.

    • Ann Hinds profile image

      Ann Hinds 6 years ago from So Cal

      I am one of those who sailed through the whole process but have friends I have cried with when they lost their children through miscarriage. The fact that you have these children is a tribute to your courage. This will be helpful for many.

    • Akitajitsu profile image

      Jen 6 years ago from California

      Even though I have my miracle baby, I still get jealous over women who have "blissful" pregnancies. I went through 6 miscarriages and a rough pregnancy with my son. The only thing that helped me get through my losses was a great group of women at a pregnancy and infancy loss forum at http://community.lamsupport.org - I hope that anyone reading this who need support of women who have been through this visits the board.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      What a gripping story...full of all the emotions life has. I was praying the Dr. was wrong for that last pregnancy, and sure enough he was. I had 2 miscarriages and there was no one to talk to, no one to share any of the emotions I was feeling. I can see this article as being very useful to others that just want to know they aren't alone, and to know how others coped.

    • Sylvestermouse profile image

      Cynthia Sylvestermouse 6 years ago from United States

      This is a very touching and personal article. I had very different pregnancy experiences with each of my children. I understand and completely empathize with a lot of what you have written. We are stronger and more grateful for what we have because of the trials, but I would not wish that for anyone. Thank you for sharing. No doubt, you will help many young mothers struggling with difficult experiences. Just knowing someone else has been there and survived, helps others cope.

    • tandemonimom lm profile image

      tandemonimom lm 6 years ago

      I'm so sorry you had to go through this pain. Thank heavens you do have your two beautiful daughters. Thank you for sharing your story for those who need to hear it.

    • profile image

      tssfacts 6 years ago

      As I was reading your story it caused me to think of some of my "patients" that went through the same things. Your story had a happy ending as you were able to have two beautiful girls. Their stories ended with no children at all. Great advice hope women will follow it.

    • SusannaDuffy profile image

      Susanna Duffy 6 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      No, pregnancy is NOT all bliss - and you've certainly had a hard time of it.

    • LouisaDembul profile image
      Author

      LouisaDembul 6 years ago

      @sousababy: Thanks for the advice, will do just that. It feels better if somebody can be helped through it.

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Lensrolled to my:

      Getting IT together...Finding Happiness

      Squidoo people with a good heart

      International Children's Day

      Helpful Tips for Raising Children

      What men should know about women

    • sousababy profile image

      sousababy 6 years ago

      Dear Mujjen,

      This is an absolute necessity...your lens. You should let those organizations know (whom you found helpful). If they have a website, perhaps they will showcase your excellent lens. (I did so on my Bullies at Work lens, I contacted the WBI - Workplace Bullying Institute and now I regularly get visits from their site). I also added their website with the 2 big arrow link module.

      A woman who has gone through these things is more effective than a therapist (for some patients), since the underlying feeling of 'you don't know how this feels' is no longer an issue.

      Beautiful lens and very healing,

      Rose

    • mariaamoroso profile image

      irenemaria 6 years ago from Sweden

      I have never read a story full of so much pain and at the same time so much joy! I know some of my friends that have been through this. A baby is a great miracle for sure! You must feel happy hugging your children now!

    • WindyWintersHubs profile image

      WindyWintersHubs 6 years ago from Vancouver Island, BC

      Thank you for telling your heartfelt story. I hope you are enjoying life with a beautiful daughter and husband!

    • hayleylou lm profile image

      hayleylou lm 6 years ago

      Such an emotional journey that you went through. A gripping lens. **Blessed** and featured on My Time as a Squid Angel

    • Elle-Dee-Esse profile image

      Lynne Schroeder 6 years ago from Blue Mountains Australia

      Thank you for sharing these heart wrenching experiences. I can relate to some of what have gone through.