- Holidays and Celebrations
10 New Year's Resolutions for the Common Man
Think positive for the new year.
You know the song and dance when it comes to New Year’s resolutions:
· I promise to lose weight,
· I promise to stop smoking,
· I’ll save more,
· Pay off credit cards,
· Buy a house,
· Ad nauseam.
Well, I am sick to death over the same broken promises every year. This year I have the top 10 New Year’s resolutions for the common man. Promises I can, and will, keep. So here it is, the top 10 New Year’s resolutions you and I can both cherish:
10. Grow more hair on the top of my head than back, butt, or fingers.
9. Brush my teeth at least once per week, unless I get too busy.
8. Change my clothes after the weekend.
7. Stop picking my nose.
6. Eat fewer gassy foods.
5. Shave before a job interview.
4. Buy stock in Phillip Morris, now called Altria.
3. Learn to be happy as a big-boned man.
2. Stop cussing like a sailor, except when mad, upset, telling a joke, or other times deemed necessary.
1. Vow to never make a New Year’s resolution I plan to keep again.
There, you have it. I did say it was a list for the common MAN. If the list is too difficult to keep, swap out any you like for: Stop digging in my crotch when my underwear rides high.
Hope I made you smile. It is the best way to enter a new year. Happy New Year’s all.