10 New Year's Resolutions for the Common Man

You know the song and dance when it comes to New Year’s resolutions:

· I promise to lose weight,

· I promise to stop smoking,

· I’ll save more,

· Pay off credit cards,

· Buy a house,

· Ad nauseam.

Well, I am sick to death over the same broken promises every year. This year I have the top 10 New Year’s resolutions for the common man. Promises I can, and will, keep. So here it is, the top 10 New Year’s resolutions you and I can both cherish:

10. Grow more hair on the top of my head than back, butt, or fingers.

9. Brush my teeth at least once per week, unless I get too busy.

8. Change my clothes after the weekend.

7. Stop picking my nose.

6. Eat fewer gassy foods.

5. Shave before a job interview.

4. Buy stock in Phillip Morris, now called Altria.

3. Learn to be happy as a big-boned man.

2. Stop cussing like a sailor, except when mad, upset, telling a joke, or other times deemed necessary.

1. Vow to never make a New Year’s resolution I plan to keep again.

There, you have it. I did say it was a list for the common MAN. If the list is too difficult to keep, swap out any you like for: Stop digging in my crotch when my underwear rides high.

Hope I made you smile. It is the best way to enter a new year. Happy New Year’s all.