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10 New Year's Resolutions for the Common Man

Updated on April 12, 2011
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Keith Schroeder writes The Wealthy Accountant blog with 30 years experience in the tax field. He is the tax adviser of Mr. Money Mustache.

Think positive for the new year.

You know the song and dance when it comes to New Year’s resolutions:

· I promise to lose weight,

· I promise to stop smoking,

· I’ll save more,

· Pay off credit cards,

· Buy a house,

· Ad nauseam.

Well, I am sick to death over the same broken promises every year. This year I have the top 10 New Year’s resolutions for the common man. Promises I can, and will, keep. So here it is, the top 10 New Year’s resolutions you and I can both cherish:

10. Grow more hair on the top of my head than back, butt, or fingers.

9. Brush my teeth at least once per week, unless I get too busy.

8. Change my clothes after the weekend.

7. Stop picking my nose.

6. Eat fewer gassy foods.

5. Shave before a job interview.

4. Buy stock in Phillip Morris, now called Altria.

3. Learn to be happy as a big-boned man.

2. Stop cussing like a sailor, except when mad, upset, telling a joke, or other times deemed necessary.

1. Vow to never make a New Year’s resolution I plan to keep again.

There, you have it. I did say it was a list for the common MAN. If the list is too difficult to keep, swap out any you like for: Stop digging in my crotch when my underwear rides high.

Hope I made you smile. It is the best way to enter a new year. Happy New Year’s all.


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