2011 New Year's Resolutions

It’s that time of year again…to sit back and reflect on the old, celebrate the present in the presence of those you love (if you can, and that in itself is such a blessing), and then to look to the future. Looking ahead brings such a cornucopia of feelings to surface depending on where you are in this wheel of life, stages we all go through, fortunes and fates, and sometimes simply the mood that strikes us at a particular time.

I’m a little bit melancholy, or maybe not. Excited for what lies ahead and scared at the same time. I am old enough not to want any time to pass quickly, and young enough to still know the passing of a day, week and month.

I forget exactly the years, but I remember celebrating New Year’s Eve with my family when I was young. When I was old enough, my parent’s would let my brother and I stay up until midnight in our pajamas. They would invite some relatives and friends over for a party. There was always drinking and laughing and much reminiscing. People always shared their “New year’s resolutions” like losing weight, quitting smoking, refraining from bad habits, and joining gyms. Then we would all turn on the television about two hours before midnight and watch the festivities in Times Square, waiting for the ball to drop. When the final moments came, the champagne would be poured, (fruit punch for us); then yelling “Happy New Year!” My brother and I would run out to the porch with my older sister, (and I would carry out my little sister after she was born), clanging pots and pans, still yelling, blowing those horns, and wearing our little glittering hats bearing the numbers of the New Year. Within an hour we were in bed fast asleep.

I remember when I was fifteen, wanting so much to be sixteen. That New Year, I had four months to wish away quickly – I had an April birthday. I often wished away the first four months of the year. It’s funny now how much I treasure them now. The falling of the snow, the first signs of spring, how the light of the sun comes back slowly and strongly to brighten each day, and how wonderful Valentine’s Day has become now that I’ve been old enough to know the infatuation of an admirer.

I remember being twenty nine, a beautiful New Year. I was living in Colorado on my own. I had a beautiful condo in the foothills of Pike’s Peak. I spent that New Year alone because I had just finished working the night before. I didn’t plan anything but I was content and happy, thinking about my parents and siblings and the rest of my family and friends back east. My brother was in California, he planted himself there when he was twenty and lives there happily to this day. I loved my job, my life, but I was having a hard time facing thirty. I thought I should have my own family, be married, and not such a life on the move all the time. But it was my life…I wanted to see the world. I wanted to see how everyone else in the world lived, I wanted to see beautiful mountains, deserts, ancient places, old cities, other countries and feel the energy. My soul needed to wander – I didn’t know exactly where home was for me. I did spend my thirtieth birthday home alone, surrounded by presents my family had sent me and beautiful cards and flowers…I cried most of the day though.

Now, here we are, at the threshold of 2011. This year I will be 43, my spirit feels young and my soul feels a thousand years old. And I like it that way, I am comfortable in my skin, but I’m learning new things every day. How do I face this New Year’s Eve? With the Heart of a Child, the Eyes of a Sage, and the Arms of a Mother. I am amazed at all I’ve learned in the past few years by being forced to physically slow down and accept the kindness and love of others when I could not do things for myself. I’ve learned compassion on a level that I think I never could have learned otherwise. I want to embrace each moment like it is a new gift, given to me by the creator of time – I will be given time to spend with those I love, time to do projects I’ve been meaning to work on, time to be useful to my world and others, time to be present when I am needed. I want to delve deep inside my heart and pull out those words that I know I have at just the right moment when they are needed. If I can write them, I would be able to say them to those I love, even to strangers that happen to cross my path – I do believe everything happens for a reason. I pray that I may be wise in my language and my words and always say the right things at the right time. I know I have the ability within me to be strong and supportive and I have the capacity to love in a deep and meaningful way. I pray that all of that shows on the outside the way I feel it inside. I want to be there physically to cheer on successes of those I love, help when I can, listen when that support is needed and be able to act when action is the only support that can make things better. I want to show that I am alive in this world and not just a bystander. I am an active participant in the whole and not just locked in my world.

For myself, I have consequently many dreams and wishes for this year – I couldn’t begin to count them here. I am filled with excitement for my family, my love, my friends and those I have just a passing connection with but I know their stories. This is going to be a wonderful year, not without its bumps and spills, but it will not be insurmountable. When I gaze into my crystal ball, I don’t see dark clouds; I see bright blue skies, lush green fields and a rainbow of promise. When I shake it, there is fairy dust inside that rains down on all the land and suddenly it becomes animated with forest creatures. And once they dig themselves out of the fairy dust, I think they may just play in it for a while.

So much for New Year’s Resolutions. Actually, I never make them. Instead I make themes for my years. For example: one year was my year for “Reclaiming”(you can reclaim whatever it is within yourself you think you need to reclaim – your passion for doing something, your space, your hobby – but it should be something personal)

Last year was my year of “Compassion for myself and others”

This year is my year to “Learn about all kinds of Love” – this is a big one for me, receiving has always been a challenge for me. So last year with compassion was hard, but I’ve done it.

Happy New Year and Brightest Blessings! Namaste’