- Holidays and Celebrations
7 Funny Christmas Poems
Under the Mistletoe
I DID not know she'd take it so,
Or else I'd never dared;
Although the bliss was worth the blow,
I did not know she'd take it so.
She stood beneath the mistletoe
So long I thought she cared;
I did not know she'd take it so,
Or else I'd never dared.
The tempting gifts are tantalizing;
About opening them, we are fantasizing.
The holiday foods are appetizing;
Our excitement and joy are growing and rising;
Our hearts and minds are harmonizing;
Jolly Christmas fun we're maximizing!
The Little Elf-man
I met a little Elf-man once,
Down where the lillies blow.
I asked him why he was so small,
And why he didn't grow.
He slightly frowned, and with his eye
He looked mr through and through.
"I'm quite as big for me," said he,
"As you are big for you."
John Kendrick Bangs
A Santa Claus Pretender
So I pretend to believe
In Santa Clause you see,
The more I pretend,
The more I pretend,
The more gifts there are for me.
Grandma's such an easy one.
She asks, "Have you been good all year, so Santa wil come?"
With teeth held tight and fingers crossed,
behind my back,
I lie like so many a kid must,
"Yeah I've been,
I've been really good,
So I can get even more stuff.
I don't see my daddy too much,
But when, and if, I do,
I don't pretend to beleive in Santa Claus,
'Cause if my dad happens to come by,
Santa has already made my wish come true.
The Snowball Fight
Mom and I shoveled the walk,
Late Christmas Eve that night,
So when the relatives arrived in the morning,
No ice would be in sight.
We slipped and slid and had some fun
While salting to melt away,
What could be a dangerous spot for adults,
But oh, what fun for a kid at play.
Well, little did we know,
Some folks arrived too early,
They piled out of 2 SUV's, 1 van and 1 4x4,
Something about not getting caught up
In a storm on the holiday no more.
To all of our surprise, they started slipping and sliding,
"Oops don't drop those pies".
And the snow ball fight began,
Whoose! Right past my eyes.
I thought it was my cousin,
He's the same age as I,
But it was Big Mamma, my grandma,
To my surprise.
I reached to pack my ammunition,
To lightly tap her back.
Then before I knew it,
All my uncles, cousins and aunts
Were in the act.
"Good packing snow", one said.
"Yeah man. Watch your head"
"Grab that pot of greens"
"Get that turkey in that door"
I'm not going to show your mamma,
No mercy any more",
"Watch out mama!"
"I got him, she yelled!"
Then she pulled me and my cousin down,
And we all laughed and laughed, as we fell
On the snowy, less icy ground.
I'll never forget that Christmas Eve!
Boy, what fun we had!
Peppermint oatmeal cookies,
Chocolate Santa Clause,
Hot apple cider,
Assorted popcorn in a tin.
How many candy canes
Will it take,
To give me a tummy ache again?
CHRISTMAS At 10 DEGREES Below ZERO
It's 10 below here in Michigan,
I need to be on a tropical island.
Our heater is busted,
It kicks, then it's stuck.
I won't get disgusted.
This holiday sucks.
By Lil Z (Age 12)