A Comical Letter From Santa
From The Desk of Santa Claus, Elf City, North Pole Express, Reindeer Run, 12345-3456
To all of my loyal followers:
This has been a very rough year for all of us. Even my workshop was working at half-staff and with limited supplies. However, I know that I was able to come through for all of you hopeful and well-behaved believers and even several of those who had doubts. Not that I am complaining or anything, but it has been rough. Today is a much needed vacation day for the entire North Pole Community, but tomorrow starts a whole new year of working, planning, assigning, and creating.
Right now the elves are sledding, skating, enjoying snow ball fights, and sitting on benches near a large fire pit with S'mores. They built so many snowmen that I can't see my candy cane lights at the end of my driveway. My wife is enjoying cooking regular food today, usually she is baking all the time to keep the elves happy. She is also wearing a purple dress with a violet ribbon. I didn't believe it either, but she said she needed a break. She even tried to get me to wear something different. I must say it is tempting, maybe a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. Sorry, I got carried away with that one.
Post Note: My elves work very hard for you all year so that none of you are disappointed, but they aren’t machines and sometimes they make mistakes. I hope none of you received a mistake; however, if you did, I am always willing to replace items that haven’t lived up to my usual standards. Just send a letter to my Complaint Department Attn: Ralph. He will make it right with no hassles at all. (Please do not send the item, just a picture, thank you.) I try to keep up with everything that they are working on, but sometimes. I just get tired and leave it all up to them. Sorry for that.
The Reason For My Letter
I have been feeling a bit, well, let down these past few years. I have felt that my loyal followers have been dwindling over the years and this year it was especially low. Without your support and belief in our existence, we lose our magical strength and our ability to come through for you. Therefore, I would like everyone who feels that I do not exist to please send a letter to The North Pole Express, Attn: George. He will be happy to send you all the proof you require. That way I will be able to fully staff my workshop and the toys next year will be the best ever! Make sure you send a return address.
Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind sending a bit of holiday cheer along with your letter, it would make my elves so very happy that they would ensure your gift is the best you have ever received. What could you send? Well, small blankets (regular sized ones are just way too big); hot cocoa is always a big hit; red felt material (and any other color felt you find) would be helpful since the clothes that the elves are wearing have become a bit worn lately; wood that they could use for building toys; wiring for all those electrical gadgets that everyone is talking about now-a-days; maybe a few new Christmas Mugs, ours are chipped and cracked now; and, oh yes, how about a few Christmas Tree Seeds, you see a large portion of our supply was destroyed in a bad storm last year and we are running a bit low.
What? Santa Needs Help?
Do you think we should send Santa gifts for his elves?
Finally, But Not Less Important
My reindeer are getting a bit restless and would like a bit of cheer for all of their efforts. They work hard all year keeping in shape for that all important run and they feel that they have been completely forgotten. They don’t need much, you see, but something nice would be welcome. Perhaps some hay for their bedding, or some corn for their feed (they like the sugar and butter kind best). You could also send them some new harnesses with bright sparkly bells, theirs are getting a bit dull and the tinkling has become, well, worn out I guess you could say. Oh, I almost forgot, the reindeer have needed mittens for their ears. Flying up high in the winter season gets mighty cold sometimes.
Thank you so much for helping us out this year. I know Santa is supposed to help you, but, well, times change constantly, don’t they? So if you could help me out just a bit this year; well, I’m sure I can make it up to you next Christmas. Don't forget to send that non-believer letter as soon as possible.
aka Santa Claus
North Pole Express
Attn: Cathy, My Loyal Secretary
© 2011 Cheryl Simonds