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Buy Zombie Gear Online

Updated on January 15, 2011

Buy Zombie Gear Online

Your neighborhood Walgreens may be temporarily unavailable when the Zombie Apocalypse finally comes to town. Be prepared for long lines and product shortages by stocking up on crucial zombie gear. Don't wait until the lines of shuffling, moaning customers stretch out the door into the parking lot. Any first aid that you can apply yourself will go a long way toward making the deserted farmhouse that becomes your hideout a much more inviting place for other refuges.

We present a selection of important, perhaps crucial, zombie gear. Shop online and save yourself the mortal threat of going to the zombie-controlled mall.

Band-Aid Brand Adhesive Bandages, Variety Pack, 280-Count Assorted Sizes

Zombie-related injuries come in all shapes and sizes. This assortment of sterile and adhesive bandages offers protection for a wide variety of bites, abrasions, puncture wounds, and .45 caliber close-range through-and-through indignities. Don't be caught trudging down Main Street, in search of whatever it is that zombies search for, without something to cover your boo boos.

Philips Sonicare E-Series Replacement Brush Head

No one overlooks poor dental hygiene, even in the midst of an unexpected worldwide Zombie Apocalypse. Self-respecting zombie hordes often shun fellow undead hangers-on who can't find the time for brushing and flossing. Keep in mind that surviving TV news crews always seek out the most presentable zombies to feature on breaking news segments. Set yourself apart from the zombie pack through careful and frequent use of these high-tech teeth cleaning aids.

Garmin nüvi 855 4.3-Inch Widescreen Portable GPS Navigator with Speech Recognition

When the sun goes down and it's trudging time, your zombie pals depend on you for reliable directions to the nearest farmhouse or mental hospital. Don't let them down: if they get hungry enough, they may turn on you, which would be really bad. No one wants to stagger any further than absolutely necessary. When military forces take out the main road or the last bridge out of town, rely on your GPS for an alternate route to the closest cache of humans.

Superfeet® Active Blue Insoles Blue

For whatever reason, zombies simply cannot flag down cabs. Perhaps their reaction time is too slow: by the time they've raised their scabby misshapen hand in the international symbol for cab-hailing, the vehicle has long since passed them by. Perhaps cabbies harbor secret prejudices against flesh eating undead fares. Regardless of the underlying problem, zombies spend inordinate amounts of time stumbling and bumbling between meals. A set of orthopedic insoles fitted into zombie boots is sure to make the hikes more enjoyable.

Zombie Costume

It's tough being the only sentient human left alive as the Zombie Apocalypse sweeps through your hometown. Maybe you just don't taste good. Until the zombie virus kicks in, climb into an authentic zombie costume so you can feel like part of the crowd. Join the trudging hordes as they descend on terrified tourists. Remember to keep moaning!

Note: peer pressure can be overwhelming. Keep in mind that dressing like a zombie doesn't actually make you a zombie. Be true to yourself.

Hello Kitty Zombie Gear

Any product carrying the Hello Kitty logo makes the Zombie Experience much more tolerable. Despite gaping stab wounds and decaying flesh, adorable Hello Kitty shirts, bags, lip balm, night shirts, and farm implements make any weary zombie feel fresh as a daisy (a withered dried out daisy, but still a daisy).

Conclusion

When the sun goes down and it's time to leave the abandoned farmhouse in search of terrified humans, it always pays be a well-prepared zombie.

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    • profile image

      Self 5 years ago

      This is hilarious. Keep up the good work.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      nicomp - tell Tom that Zombie costume is one of a kind - it IS his last suit!

    • Robwrite profile image

      Rob 6 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

      It's a niche market but someone has to attend to the needs of the living dead.

    • Tom Whitworth profile image

      Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

      nicomp,

      The Big Bruiser Punk Zombie Children's Costume look's like the last suit I owned!!!!!!!!