ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Christmas - Is Christmas ruined for me?

Updated on December 1, 2010

 Christmas is right around the corner. Wow how 2010 has just flown by. So much has happened to me this year. Things have changed so drastically. I've moved, I've bought a house, I've gotten married and I'm sure more will change before the end of 2010. But every year in December I'm haunted with memories. December has never been a good month for me. I feel like it is my "cursed" month of the year.

You see in December of 1994 I lost someone very dear to me. My father. He died while unloading his semi-truck. Crushed to death by his cargo. And only hours before that I talked to him on the phone. I was awaiting his arrival. You see, my mom and him weren't married. He would come for every holiday, every birthday. He was always there. He was my rock in a turbulent time. And when he never showed I knew something wasn't right. It wasn't like my dad to just not come. He was always there. Without fail. Of course my mom bad mouthed him and put him down. But in my little heart I just knew something wasn't right. Days went by and we never heard from him. I couldn't imagine why my dad wouldn't come. I started to hate him. Resent him even. Christmas Day came. Thoughts of my dad had passed and like any eager kid I opened presents and had a fun morning. I remember taking a nap that day. I also remember my youngest sister waking me up and informing me that my mom was crying and she needed to see me "right now". Reluctantly I walked down the stairs and indeed did find my mom in tears. Not knowing what to do or say I just sat down beside her and asked her what the problem was. I'll never forget hearing those words out of her mouth "Your dad is dead" You see my mom (like me) was never good with passing news on gently. Either way the blow was going to hurt, so she just let it out. I don't remember if I cried. Actually I don't remember much after she told me that. But the words still haunt me. And to this day I'm filled with sadness and contempt. You may ask why the contempt....

On December 21, 1994 my dad was taken from me and from this world. But no one on his side of the family bothered to call, write or anything. We had to find out via a phone call from my dad's mother. And this was on Christmas morning. He was already buried and in the ground by then. So to not be there for his funeral, and to not be informed that he had died is still stuck in my mind.

So is Christmas ruined for me? I'm not sure really. Since that day I've never really celebrated Christmas. Sure I've received presents and opened them. But Christmas, since that day, has never really been the same to me. I've learned to forgive the family that never informed me of my father's death. But somewhere in the back of my mind that thought still lingers. Would Christmas be different for me if I hadn't learned that awful news on Christmas morning? I know my dad would want me to live life to the fullest and enjoy it, but it's still hard.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Elnorarose 

      7 years ago

      It was a very sad thing to have happen to you. But Christmas is a time to rejoice that there is someone out there that was truly borned to help you. I pray you will once again be able to truly enjoy Christmas

    • ghomefitness profile image

      ghomefitness 

      7 years ago from Chicago,IL

      Sorry for your loss!

    • rkhyclak profile image

      rkhyclak 

      7 years ago from Ohio

      That's rough :( I feel the same way about December...I've come to almost dread it! My grandfather was killed on Dec 14 in '93. Now, my great uncle has brainstem cancer and is not expected to live to Christmas and my grandma is currently in the hospital battling cancer...we're not sure how long she's expected to make it, it's literally a day to day fight. Even with all of this happening, we're still celebrating Christmas the best we can. It was my grandpa's favorite holiday and if nothing else we do it in honor of him, and now to see the happiness on my daughters face. You'll be in my prayers (if you don't mind) this time of year!

    • profile image

      Ron 

      7 years ago

      Sad the way things happen sometimes.

      {HUGS} Merry Christmas

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)