ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Christmas Lights and the Average Man

Updated on November 11, 2009

Honey, Did You Check the Lights?

Putting up Christmas lights is one of the biggest holiday customs for many families. Depending on how many lights and accessories you have can make it challenging and frustrating. This is a story about a not-so successful day of hanging Christmas lights.

Some men embrace the challenge, like the one depicted here. Energetically, he set out to conquer the Christmas lighting project. Although advice was not needed, he wife reminded him to make sure to lights still worked. Silly woman, did she think he's an amateur? He'd have the job done in an hour or two, probably before lunch!

He thought he stored the Christmas ornaments, lights, and yard decorations in the attic above the garage, so it might take more than one trip up the ladder to the crawlspace. Besides, this will be a good test to find out how well those leg muscle exercises worked. Or, was that one the resolutions he never got around to doing? Either way, he was pumped for the job.

After digging through crumbling insulation and resident spiderwebs, the 10 or 20 boxes were scattered on the garage floor, with some stacked on the hood of the car. Which box contained the Christmas lights? Darn, should have labeled the boxes with content information. Oh, well, he'd probably find the right box with the first try or two. An hour later, all the boxes are opened, and no lights! Now, he remembered stashing the lights in the upper level of the work shed, back of the house.

Success! He found the box of Christmas lights, and ripped it open. What the heck? Hundreds of lights lay twisted and knotted, tangled and tossed. There's been an orgy going on in this box! Grabbing the lump of lights, a three-foot square maze of lights swung before him. The Christmas spirit took a slight nose-dive, and he thought a glimpse of the ghosts of Christmas-past stared at him for just a moment. Don't forget to test the lights, echoed through his thoughts.

Two hours later, and almost half the lights had been separated. The frustration crept into into his neck area, back muscles straining, and his patience was getting thin. Okay, so this will take a bit longer than thought, but it's Christmas, and the house will soon be ablaze with brightly twinkling lights.

By mid-afternoon, the strings were untangled and he had one strand tacked around the front door. “Did you test the lights,” he heard once again. “Hey, I'm the man around here, I know how to do this!” All he had left to do was outline the roof top and perimeter walls, yard fence, 15 shrubs, and a 20-foot pine tree. Yes, in deed, we are making progress!

The sunlight started to fade, darn this daylight savings time! Feverishly he worked, noting he had only four black and blue fingers from hammer-hits. And, at the last count, he scratched and cut his hands just eleven times, ripped the knee of his jeans and tore a hole in his sweatshirt. But, he was close to the finish line!

The reward was about to be realized, and it was only 8 o'clock in the evening! The family gathered in front of the house, as he prepared to flip the switch, unequaled only by 'instant gratification.' Anticipation filled the air, everyone poised, ready to bask in the Christmas-light glow. The countdown begins, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!

He flipped the switch! Ta-Da! His stomach flip-flopped, eyes bugged out, and his breathing became strained and ragged. Nothing happened! The house and yard remained drenched in darkness. And then he heard a screeching sound, “I told you to test the lights!”

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)