Fibromyalgia & Christmas - A Good Read

 

 Let me first say this is Christmas Eve and I have spent the entire day sleeping and watching old movies.  (No, no bon bons or rocky road... just movies) I didn't think I felt sorry for myself, but by golly, I have changed my opinion - dramatically. 

I do tend to get ahead of myself sometimes, so bear with me. 

I don't have money to purchase Christmas gifts like a lot of folks do, but I have fun anyhow. I took myself to the local Penny Store, determined to get the $10 cash they promised if I would only pick out something that cost $10 or more.  I really didn't need anything, but I was bored and decided to just go and look.  Believe you me, lots of people were looking.  What a crowd of people.

It did not take me long to find something I absolutely did not need but would thoroughly enjoy, a pair of slipper boots that came above my ankles and tied with little balls on them.  They were white.  I decided to just walk around after that and look just in case there was something even more appealing to my eye. (I had $16 to spend, counting the gift certificate). 

I noticed the pain in the back and legs starting to creep up. I refused to acknowledge it. I can be a bit stubborn.

I found more than I bargained for:

There were two older ladies arguing over a gift for another.  It was such a silly argument because right behind them was a gift that fit both their desires.  I mentioned it ever so quickly and moved on.  They were delighted.

A very tired customer and her sister were looking for "tights" for their mother.  I offered to help look and the one down on the floor looking at the display said, "It's no use.  The sales clerk said they were out." 

She kept looking and I started looking also.  She explained that her momma had had a stroke a few months back and could not wear leggings, but had to have the tights to cover her feet.

I came upon a rather razzle-dazzle silver pair of tights and jokingly said - hey, your' momma would go wild in these.  Sadly she responded "Before her stroke, she surely would have. She's only 70" (Oops!  Jokes were over.)

Finally I found three different pair and she ran to her sister and they discussed the three and took the warmest pair for their momma.  And as they walked away one sister was heard to say, "And she doesn't even work here" and looked over her shoulder and said "thanks!"

I went home feeling better than in a while. Maybe I should take up a hobby of walking through stores and helping distressed folks. Nah! I’d get into some kind of trouble… I know I would. But it sounded good for a nanosecond!

Three days ago, my husband handed me $100 and told me that he could tell I was in the Christmas spirit and go and buy some gifts. I did not want to go out.  I did not feel like going out, but it seemed mean of me not to go spend his money. (Y'all know what I mean <giggle>)

It was not terribly cold and I was only going to one store, the new Books A Million up the road, so I took my loving, trusting and loyal 13 year old sheltie with me.  She loves car rides and hates staying home by herself.  Her warm blanket was in the car, thankfully.

I'm standing in the line to pay when I notice the "Spirit" around me.  One lady was holding her child in her arms and patiently explaining everything to him.  He was mesmerized. 

Then there was the woman (hard to call her a lady) who was grabbing her child's arm and between her teeth reminding her child that if she did not shut up right then, Santa was most definitely NOT going to visit her on Christmas Eve.  The child hushed, but tears remained trickling down her pretty little cheeks.  I wasn't close enough to say anything cheerful to the little girl so I sent up a prayer.

I checked out and was delighted that they put my purchases in a canvas bag.  What a nice gift for myself.  I do love my bags. 

I usually get my car keys out of my purse before leaving the store, but this time I waited until I got to the car. I had to dump my entire purse (it may look small, but it holds a lot) on top of the hood and still, no keys.

I tapped on the window of the car to tell my Snuggles that she would have to wait a bit longer I had left my keys in the store.  When she sat up, I realized I was wrong! She was sitting on them.  Oh boy! 

The only person who had a spare key was my husband and he was working until 7 o'clock that night.  I could not tell nor ask him to come and help me out as this is the busiest time of the year and his boss might not like it. 

So back into the store I went, feeling terribly guilty about my little Snuggles.  It would be two hours before we were rescued; of course neither one of us suffered.

She had an extremely warm blanket to snuggle under and long hair to help keep her warm.  I, on the other hand had resigned myself to walking around the book store for two hours when I happened upon a Coffee and Yogurt shop in the back of the book store. I was so delighted.

I experienced my first caramel-macchiato (or something like that).  I was very proud of myself for asking for skim milk.  However, when the clerk asked if I wanted whipped cream and caramel swirled on top I looked at her like she had lost her mind! “Of course!” She just laughed with me.

I found a table and put the very heavy book bag and my purse in a chair and pulled out the current paper back I am reading. (Let me tell you, it is truly a security blanket if you carry something with you that you enjoy doing, in case you get stuck somewhere alone.-even crosswords, knitting, etc. For me it is paperbacks.)  I used to be terrified I’d be stuck in an elevator alone. Thankfully, I never was.

 

Okay, where was I? Oh yes!

 

I casually called my man and invited him to the Yogurt Shop I had discovered.  He smiled (I swear I could hear his smile). 

 

“And is there a special reason you want me to join you?” he coyly asked.

 

“I locked my self out of the car again!” I blurted out in tears. 

 

“Okay,” he said in his most soothing voice, “I’ll see you a little after seven.” Then he had to go back to work.  I don’t usually call him at work unless it is important.

 

He was a jewel!  He met me, walked me to my car, unlocked the door, took time to fluff Snuggles head a bit and kissed me on the cheek and we parted ways.  Yes… I did say thank you - All the way to the car and later that night on the phone.  He was very nice about it.  Of course he is kind of used to me and my quirks! But he is very, extremely very nice. (NO, he is not reading this.  It’s not his thing!   His thing is learning to adjust to my having FM. 

 

Okay, here it is, now Christmas Eve, my house is dark and I am alone.  So I decided to take some soup I made over to the neighbor who lost her job.  I was a mess, so I used the biggest, warmest and nicest scarf I have to cover my head and carried the soup over to her porch.  She was not home yet, but her partner said he was going to go pick her up and she’d be right back.  So I sat it high on the porch rail and went home.

 

I got cozy in my chair, decided no one was going to see me so did not take the pain pills.  I turned the TV on to watch yet another happy family at Christmas time, when I heard a knock on my door.  Well, certain it was my neighbor I decided looking like I just landed my broom was just gonna have to do.

 

When I opened the door, there was my son and his daughter all smiles and beautiful!  I hugged them right there on the porch and realizing it was cold brought them inside and hugged them some more.

 

They were on their way to join the throng of shoppers trying to beat the closing deadline. I forgot how I looked; I forgot about my pain and I basked in the joy of the love that walked through my door.  I feel as though I have not seen them in forever, when in reality it has been but a few weeks. We chatted just a short while - hugged some more (a prerequisite if you are my child) and they went on their way.

 

I expected to be really sad they were gone…but I’m really happy they came.  They put my attitude back in perspective.  I was being selfish, feeling sorry for myself for tons of really no good reasons, and I have so much to be happy about right now I am overflowing. 

 

I’ve mulled over the events of this past week and realize that I have had the opportunity to help others.  I didn’t set out to do that, it’s just my habit.  What a blessing for me.  And at the same time I am filling myself with the true Christmas  Spirit; LOVE

 

Wow, it’s so simple.  Yet, we who suffer with a lot of physical pain forget that as others help us we are given opportunities to help others.  What a gift for everyone. We are not helpless and we are not going to die, no matter how badly we hurt. And most of us already have the “right” attitude toward others.

 

I imagine if you took a steno notebook and started writing down all of the good things in your life (be they small or large) you would fill many pages and be quite surprised.

 

I’m not writing this to say to you to be grateful for all of your blessings, I’m writing this to tell you that today, Christmas Eve 2010, I am once again reminded what Christmas is all about.  LOVE Be it to strangers or those you know. And Love is Magic.

 

My wish for each and every one of you is that you have a Lovely and Happy Day every time the opportunity presents itself.  Not just December 25th, but every day.

 

Hugs and Happiness to All!!