Little-Known Santa No. 8
There has never been much of a following for Little-Known Santa No. 8 until recently. That’s because of — dare I say it? — blatant species bigotry. As a human race, we somehow find it far easier to subscribe to a Santa that is a humanoid, portly, white, jolly old elf that rises through narrow chimneys just by touching his nose, than to believe in a talking yellow sponge that flips crabby patties for a living!
Why, Saint Nickelodeon’s home in a pineapple under the sea is every bit as plausible as a toy factory at the North Pole! So, where is the justice? The equality? The sensitivity to diversity and inclusion? Personally, I find a sidekick star living under a submerged rock a bit more realistic and believable than a bunch of craftsmen with pituitary problems, pointed ears and shoes, all wearing color-coordinated outfits and talking in high-pitched sing-song.
Yes, it is just our anthropomorphic leanings that draw us to Saint Nick rather than Saint Nickelodeon. (And also, “Rudolph with your nose so bright!” makes a far better song lyric than “Squidward with your pendulous pale blue proboscis so bland!”.)