ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Menu for a perfect Agenda 21-supportive Thanksgiving dinner

Updated on November 4, 2013

Thanksgiving Day is just around the corner for Americans, the day we celebrate our liberties and everything in life we have to be grateful for. For most of us this means gathering around a large meal with our family and friends. Of course, no Thanksgiving meal is complete without remembering in our prayers or positive vibes those less fortunate that us. And for many of us, donating food and clothing to these folks are also a part of the holiday.

To the politically correct-sensitive individual, however, all this reflecting and donating isn't always enough. For them, simply sitting down to a big meal of bird meat, rich side dishes and fatty, delicious dessert is a nutritional wrong to begin with; but to top it off, showing charity to the less fortunate without actually eating as they do is a callous act of insensitivity.

Thanks to the wisdom of the architects of Agenda 21, none of us have to celebrate yet another Thanksgiving practicing culinary decadence. By following their astute guidelines on dietary standards we can now enjoy the holiday with a menu that is at once calorie, fat and vegan conscious, and also sensitive to our Turkey and dessert-deprived neighbors.

The following menu is designed specifically for those wanting to follow the Agenda 21 example*, and one sure to help you come away from the holiday meal feeling full of it.

Appetizers

Salad

Bowlfuls of raw vegetables are a major part of any vegan diet, so don't let any nitpicky guest's expectation for tastiness get in the way of the high-fiber wholesomeness. Before serving just let your guests and family know there is NO DRESSING in your household to be found. Most guests will leave it at this and eat those veggies in polite silence. However, if you feel the need to curtail the urge of anyone to run out and buy a bottle of Hidden Valley while you're not looking, you can usually rummage through the coats piled on the bed to confiscate car keys before serving.

Insects

Mm, mm, talk about nature's bounty! Not only are insects readily obtainable from any compost heap or outdoor garbage can, they are 100% approved for human consumption by the United Nations. Edible in their own juices, if you feel that your food just has to be heated, insects can be warmed up in a variety of ways: boiled, baked, roasted, toasted, pan-fried, deep-fried or simply flame torched.

Breads

Cornbread alternative

You don't need steaming hot, yummy cornbread to celebrate Thanksgiving. Plain salt-free tortilla chips served without dips or condiments are a good source of fiber and GMO trace elements. And by substituting them for cornbread, it sends out a message you don't put in your mouth anything enjoyed by white southerners.

Yeast bread alternative

The most popular holiday breads require ingredients like flour and sugar, and who needs these things in their diet? By eating delicious yeast flakes you not only avoid the inevitable pounds, you will be a host to countless live yeast bacteria that otherwise wouldn't have a place to reproduce.


Main Course

Monsanto's GMO-enriched corn

Nothing says nature's goodness like maize; and nothing makes you feel less like blowing your diet than maize with artificially engineered carcinogenics tearing like wildfire through your blood stream. Nom, nom, eat up!

Potatoes

One of the most traditional side dishes to the American Thanksgiving dinner, the potato doesn't necessarily have to be served to guests with useless extra fat, butter, salt or flavoring. For that matter, traditional cleaning and cooking of the potato destroys any contaminants that soil and traces of animal feces leave on the potato skin. To keep these precious contaminants intact and experience the potato's natural, uncorrupted flavor and texture, just slice and serve. Or better yet, just grab and bite. Nature will thank you, and so will the dentist that gets to replace your bridgework.

"Traditional" Tofurkey

This alternative to turkey is made from tofu, which is created from curdled soy beans. Tofurkey is not only animal-friendly, but like all bean-based products, produces a lot of methane gas in the intestines. And methane gas, although usually credited by environmentalists as detrimental to the earth, can provide hours of fun for the entire family!

It is said that when the Hippies arrived to Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by a thousand singing unicorns bearing enough turkey-disguised tofu loafs to last them through the winter. Of course, the Hippies failed to take the unicorns' warning to get rid of their stash, so when a plague of munchies set in 8 days later the Hippies had to resort to cannibalism. But those that survived that hungry winter remembered to commemorate the unicorns' generosity every year by sacrificing the fattest Tofurkey they could find and washing it down with pitchers and pitchers of weed tea.

No fuss, no fat, no meat gravy

Made from low-fat and flavorful faux Bouillion cubes. Not only does this gravy go a long way at any family table, it is brimming with plenty of laboratory created chemicals guaranteed to shorten the life span of most human consumers, thus helping bring our undesirable species ever closer to extinction!

Dessert

Rice cakes

Looking to bring out an attractive dessert that will have your guests drooling? Well then, you'll probably have to bake something with milk, sugar and eggs in it. But if you want to serve a tasteless dessert that will provide a good bowel movement to your every guest, then there is nothing better than the noble, bland rice cake. And crumbled, rice cakes can doubly serve as a stuffing substitute to complement your no fat, no fuss, no meat gravy!

Pumpkin guts

While pumpkin pie has become staple Thanksgiving dessert in a lot of homes, making the pies involve having to use the pumpkin meat. Likewise, the pies are generally prepared with sugar, flour, milk and eggs. Now some people like having to an excuse to eat any kind of meat, just as they like sugar and they like stealing the milk from mommy cows and the eggs of expectant mother chickens. Now if you are one of these deviants, have your pumpkin pie. Otherwise, indulge your love of pumpkin the way nature intended, slimy a-la naturale. Pumpkin shells can also be eaten, and are recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists for breaking dentures!

And don't forget

to wash down your Thanksgiving meal with a delicious glass of artificially sweetened Kool-Aid*. One glass of this satisfying beverage, and just like the late Reverend Jim Jones, you'll be saying OH, YEAH!








*Content is satire and not intended to be taken seriously.


©November 4, 2013 by Beth Perry

Hank Williams, Sr.: "A Mansion On The Hill"

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • bethperry profile imageAUTHOR

    Beth Perry 

    4 years ago from Tennesee

    Peggy W, so happy you enjoyed it, and thank you very much :)

  • bethperry profile imageAUTHOR

    Beth Perry 

    4 years ago from Tennesee

    Alastar, wow I can imagine it must have been!

  • Peggy W profile image

    Peggy Woods 

    4 years ago from Houston, Texas

    This was a hoot to read! I am still smiling. We can all use more levity in our lives. Sharing and tweeting this very funny hub.

  • Alastar Packer profile image

    Alastar Packer 

    4 years ago from North Carolina

    Aha! Beth, it was never actually recorded but attempted with veterans over 100 yeas old to little success for obvious reasons. According to descriptions in the histories though it was a sound you didn't want coming at you in any way, shape, or form! Superb write, Beth.

  • bethperry profile imageAUTHOR

    Beth Perry 

    4 years ago from Tennesee

    P.S. yes, I think the Southern soldiers did!

  • bethperry profile imageAUTHOR

    Beth Perry 

    4 years ago from Tennesee

    Aw, thank you Alastar :) I think sometimes we all need a brain vacation from the depressing heavy issues and just have a little laugh at them.

    Thanks much for reading!!

  • Alastar Packer profile image

    Alastar Packer 

    4 years ago from North Carolina

    It's hard to find anything funny about the dystopian Agenda 21 but your a master craftslady and prove it with lines like "...it sends out a message you don't put anything in your mouth enjoyed by white southerners." You've pulled it off marvelously, Beth! Btw, didn't Southern soldiers invent the chilling Rebel Yell? Oops, I digress, pardon the bad. Your a pro at satire and oh so talented, even with a subject like this. We may be an overpopulated planet but their is a right way and there is a wrong way for everything under the sun. It helps to laugh to keep one's sanity amidst the insanity sometimes, thank you my friend.

  • bethperry profile imageAUTHOR

    Beth Perry 

    4 years ago from Tennesee

    lol Nell! And thanks much

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 

    4 years ago from England

    Hi beth, I will have the...erm tofu turkey, with a side salad and a spider to go please....! LOL! funny stuff! voted up and shared! nell

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)