Mother's Day 101

 You might be thinking, geez, I'm still paying off the credit card after Christmas, Valentine's Day cleaned out what was left in the wallet, then Easter came and you just had to buy her chocolate eggs, Mother's Day, arrrrggghhh!  Do I have to?  Yes you do.  You do have to spoil your Mother or the Mother of your children on Mother's Day.  Fullstop, period, end of story.  And you have to do it and mean it.  And the reason I am giving you a crash course on Mother's Day 101 is so that you can start your preparations now, because it will hurt your wallet.  So listen up, pay attention, and get educated.

The Greeks got it right centuries ago, when they had special celebrations in spring to honour Rhea, the mother of the gods.  Then the early Christians in England thought it would be good to have a special day to honour Mary the mother of Jesus, and this they did on the 4th Sunday of Lent.  Being such a magnanimous people, they opened it up to all mothers and even maids working in rich houses were allowed to go home to visit their families.  How kind was that?  In the US, some lady who wrote the Battle Hymn of the Republic (Julia Ward Howe) got a little bit ticked off at all the killing and carnage in the wars which were popular at the time, and in the 1870's she got this bee in her bonnet about a Mother's Day for Peace.  Of course, she never imagined gifts and fabulous lunches for mothers, but probably envisaged mothers marching and waving placards and throwing rotten tomatoes at the president.

Howe actually got the idea of Mother's Day for Peace from Ann Jarvis, the sister of that famous doctor James Reeves, who tried to get a Mother's Friendship Day going to improve sanitation.  How a special day honouring mother's will make people wash their hands after going to the bathroom, I'm not sure.  When Ann died in 1905, her daughter Anna missed her so much that she got her family and friends working on a letter writing campaign to those high up in the public sector, to have Mother's Day declared a national holiday to honour all mothers, living and dead.  She was successful in her efforts and on Sunday 10th May 1908, the very first Mother's Day as we know it was celebrated.  Anna Jarvis had imagined it to be a kind of a religious type of holiday, but 9 years later, it had attracted so much commercial hype with special cards and gift baskets, that poor Anna was disillusioned and became an opponent of Mother's Day, or the kind of day Mother's Day had become.  Unfortunately, money talks and nobody listened to poor Anna Jarvis, and the day became even more commercial.  As a mother I see nothing wrong with that.  Spend my children, spend.  But don't ask me to lend you money.  So we have the English still sticking to their Mother's day in Lent, but the rest of the world joining the US to celebrate Mother's Day and honour and pay tribute to mothers all over the world on the 2nd Sunday in May.

You have to give your wife or mother breakfast in bed.  Of course, if you don't live at home with her this might be difficult.  A phone call with you munching toast over the phone should suffice.  Make sure you set out a tray properly and give her carnations.  Roses are for Valentine's day, don't get confused.  Mother's Day is carnations.  All because the federal government officials all those years ago all wore a white carnation in their lapel on Mother's Day.  Blame them if you prefer roses as carnations have no fragrance.  Anyway, back to the tray.  Make sure you have fruit juice as well as a hot cup of coffee or tea, a bowl of cereal, and take her order for eggs and bacon.  Of course, if she's a vegan you might have to just make her baked beans on toast.  Don't sit around and watch her eat as that'll make her nervous and she'll mess crumbs on her pajamas and in the bed, which will make it very uncomfortable for her if she gets passionate in the bed later on.  After she's finished, her appetite is sated, remove her tray and run her a nice hot bath with bubbles in it.  Of course, if she only has a shower, then fill a bucket or basin with hot water and put bubbles in that and soak her feet.

While you might have given your mom (or wife) a Mother's Day card on her tray, the gifts will be presented to her after her breakfast and bubble bath.  Look at my amazon.com links for great Mother's Day gift ideas.  Your mom will love getting some good Mother's Day presents.  The more expensive, obviously the better, but show that you have put a lot of thought into the selections.  If you don't have much money because of the recession, make something.  But do not see your mother giftless.  That will make her a very unhappy mommy.  Then when it's your birthday you might luck out.  She can claim an early onset of dementia and forget your birthday completely.  Seriously, us mothers make lots of sacrifices for our children and the men in our lives.  Show some appreciation, spoil us rotten.  Be kind to us and agree with everything we say.  For once, let us watch what we want to watch on the telly.

A special Mother's Day lunch is a non-negotiable. You have to take your mom to the best restaurant you can afford, even if it is only a McDonalds Drive-thru. Let her order whatever she wants off the menu, tell her that money is no object, even if it means you have to order a slice of dry toast for yourself. Make pleasant conversation at the lunch table and don't bring up unpleasant incidents from the past, struggles at work, or anything which might upset her on this special day. Hug her, love her, and keep thanking her for all she's done for you, and all she still will do for you. Without your mother, you wouldn't be here. Don't forget that. She carried you for nine months, you gave her morning sickness and a sore back. And if she's your wife, she carried your children. You get the picture. Worship her and adore her on this special day. Pay tribute to her and make her feel special.  After lunch, you can relax until the next year.  Your deed has done.