Some Mother's Day Humor

In order to devote time to work on a new novel, I am heeding a friend's advise and taking a (temporary) break from HP's. I will be dropping by every now and then to moderate posts, but plan to otherwise stay MIA for awhile. But before leaving, I wanted to share some Mother's Day humor from my collection of greeting cards. You'll also find a Mother's Day joke I heard just the other day. But -don't kick me!- it is a clean joke, suitable to share with your friends and family.

Until I am returned from the writers holiday, I wish a very Happy Mothers Day to all my female readers whose love and guidance has nurtured the children in their lives.

This first card is nice enough, all it needed was a grammar check before going to print.

This one had a nice thought behind it..emphasis on behind.

This one passed the editing stage with flying colors: picturesque background, sweet message, grammar check, they even threw in a pretty flower and pearls..and nice bosomy mom demonstrating how she got you into that fraternity house you had your heart set on.

In all fairness, moms make impressions in many different ways. This card is obviously for the kid that will never, ever, ever forget that fact.

Here's a card that just screams affection.

And if you want to thank your mother for all your best qualities...

Just never EVER forget how many times she looked the other way.

Greeting cards for other women in your life

Stepmothers appreciate a nice greeting card on Mother's Day, too. Just don't forget to check the message for any Freudian Slips that may have got through to the production line.

I guess this one is for the religious-minded MIL on your list. Or Lucifer. Or both, if they happen to be the same person.

Nothing tells a woman she's valued like an appreciative message from the man whose seed she carried for nine long months.

The message of this to-MIL card reminds her how close she is to your heart, while the image alludes to the rest of your vital organs.

A card your circle of girlfriends may appreciate.

And one for yourself.

As promised, here is a Mother's Day joke for you.

The Mother’s Day Gifts

After Poor Hannah’s three sons left home, they worked hard to become successful. It took many years, but in time they each become very prosperous in their chosen fields.

It had been almost thirty years since they had seen each other, and near the end of May of that year they got together at one of the most exclusive clubs in the country. While there, they reminisced about their mother, who had sacrificed so much to raise them. As the night grew late they began to compare notes on the gifts they had recently given Poor Hannah for Mothers Day.

The first son said," I sent Mom a Rolls Royce with a driver."

The second son declared, "I had a mansion built for Mom!"

The third son piped up, “My gift was better than either of yours. As we all remember, Mom loves to read the Bible, but she had to sell hers in order to feed us. So this year I sent her a rare speckled parrot that was taught to recite the entire Bible. It took 25 monks from a monastery 12 years to teach the parrot to recite every single passage. And though it cost me over $50,000 a year to house the monks, and I had to pledge another $400,000 to their Order just for their services, I think the money was well spent. Now all Mom has to do is tell the parrot the chapter and verse she wants to hear and he will recite it.”

When the reunion was over and the sons returned to their homes, they found their mother had mailed letters of appreciation for the gifts she had received.

"John," she wrote to her first son, "I am too old and tired to travel. I never use the Rolls Royce, and the driver eats every morsel of food in sight!"

“Paul,” she wrote to her second son, “The mansion you built is so huge. I use only one bedroom and bath for my needs, and spend every week having to clean this place!”

"Dearest George," read the letter to her third son, "You are the only one of my sons to send a thoughtful gift your mother can use. My driver says the chicken was delicious and I made the feathers into a pretty duster!"

This Hub ©May 3, 2014 by Beth Perry