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The Do-It Yourself, Affordable Christmas Party Kit

Updated on September 13, 2018
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

Before we know it, Christmas will be upon us, and we all know the drill. Going through the bitter winter weather bearing the crowds and traffic to buy gifts for loved ones, but soon we realize that the best gifts have already been purchased. How sad.

At least we have something to fall back on: Christmas get-together’s with families and friends and those illustrious Christmas Parties that somehow break records in watching one man see how many drinks that he can drink without breathing. Or some lady taking a challenge from some rival girl to see how many cocktail smokies that she can eat in one minute.

Ahhh . . .good times.

Old fashoned Chistmas party.
Old fashoned Chistmas party. | Source

And What About Those

care-free anxious moments prior to the Christmas Holiday Season with each party having its own special aroma—baked cookies, fruit cake, and how about those delicious perfectly-baked and basted turkeys? Yum. I am so hungry right now that I could eat my screen.

But, dear friends of the Christmas Holiday Party Season, did you stop and calculate just how much money that you are going to have to fork-out to just get to celebrate with your family and friends? I would tell you, but you might be sick. $967.13 per person, if you are still strong enough to carry on.

But Smile and Cheer up

because you have only one choice to make “this” year in 2018 when the Christmas Party Season begins. Only one. I can live with that brand of simplicity.

The choice that I am talking about is this one: if you are of good courage and bravery, you can just say no to those Christmas Party folk that you have grown to love throughout the years, and do like I am going to do: throw my wife and myself, grandkids and their dad, something that I designed called . . .The Do-It Yourself, Affordable Christmas Party Kit!

That’s right! When your former party friends are maxing-out their credit cards to afford Christmas gifts, food and parties, you will be sitting near a warm fireplace and enjoying The Best Christmas party that you have ever had. I promise.

What am I Talking About?

you say? I am going to share a few examples of my very own Do-It Yourself, Affordable Christmas Party Kit, and when you read each example, you will be able to figure out How Less you can spend this Christmas Party season and still smile when it is over.

The Parched Peanut Challenge – is made for family and friends. You can purchase a 50-pound bag of raw peanuts (available at most fruit stands) and parch yourself about 20 pounds of these delicious products then you and your guests sit in a circle with an empty coffee can at your feet. The object of this lively game is to see just how many shelled peanuts you can get in your coffee can. The winners will go to round two until there is one winner. I bet you are just itching to play.

Aqua Man is Alive – when you and your friends are ready for some Christmas Party fun. Depending on the guests, everyone is to lay down on your back and then your wife or husband will gently sit a cup of water on your stomach—but you will be instructed to hold your breath so you will not make a fool of yourself causing the cup of water wet you. This one is cut-out for loads of fun.

Candle Races – are bound to be a Christmas party hit. The simplicity of this game is what makes your family and friends want to keep playing it long after the night is over. All you have to do is ask for four volunteers who are going to race against each other with a lighted candle in their mouths with the flame on the outside in the air. The object of this game is to see how many of the racers can walk briskly across the room and make it across the finish line before their flame goes out. You will be amazed at just how much fun this game will be.

Dynamite Defusing Game – can be, with a little patience, turn into a holiday hit. Simply place about ten or so pairs of shoes that have shoelaces and tie each pair of shoelaces to the other and so on. But the contestants in this game will be participating in total darkness. To make the game more exciting, play scary music and you do the announcing as the players fumble to get four pair of shoes untied. You might say that the entrants are deep within a coal mine with no candle. This game costs little of nothing, but oh what fun.

The Pigeon Follies – is fun and yet, very educational because your youngsters can play this game. All you have to do is lay in the floor on your back and have someone pour generous amounts of birdseed onto your stomach and chest area. Then release around 40 hungry pigeons and see who can stand the birds’ pecking and walking on your body without moving. The person who remains stationary wins.

I Dare You Game – and I saved this one for last. After you and your guests have dined, draw numbers that correspond to each guest. The one with the low number is made to stand (or sit) while you place delicious graham cracker pie with whipped cream all over the person being dared. Then that person is taken to a busy part of town and told to go up to a group of Christmas shoppers, keep a straight face, and get them to sing a Christmas carol. If they do not break-up or get arrested, they win.

Note: these games are safe and should be played without the presence of alcohol. Not that I am a prude, it’s just at this time, the Christmas Holidays time, alcohol is being over-credited for causing more trouble to people who before drinking too much, would just enjoy the season and help to make those memorable memories.

September 13, 2018______________________________________

Christmas December decorations--guess how much these beauties cost?
Christmas December decorations--guess how much these beauties cost? | Source

© 2018 Kenneth Avery


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    • profile image

      Ken Avery 

      2 years ago

      Mr. Happy -- hello. And you proved my point that was way beyond fact. I was blown-away with the dialogue exchange, MH. Seriously. And I did intentionally-type CHRISTmas because He, is my savior and I am not ashamed of Him giving His sinless life on the cross for a wretch like me.

      I mean that and I will not back off of that statement.

      Write your book, I am pleading with you.

      You have way more talent than I do. Take advantage of your gifts, MH. I will support you.

      Peace and talk later . . .

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 

      2 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Do You think he's happy with us? Is he really "merry"? (You wrote: Merry CHRIST".)

      I don't have a novel. I don't write fiction, or maybe I do (I gotta cover my ass legally, You see ...). I wrote this roughly ten years ago - it is not public anywhere (except here now). So, here

      You go, if You're bored lol. Either way, I think You should delete this comment of mine after reading it. It has nothing to do with your article.

      “UNDER-GROUND”- ("A Day In The Life Of...")

      Fact or Fiction - A Dream Or Reality

      If my mother was addicted to crack, my father a drunk, or a gambler, or some shit like that, I would understand. Yet, I had a perfectly ‘normal’ childhood. We had a car, a cottage; most of my friends at the time did not have half of what I had, considering I grew up in a country with a brutal communist regime. I took piano lessons from when I was six years old until I was twelve. I went to winter ski school for years in a row. In my worst nightmares I would not have dared dreaming to get a mark lower than a seventy in school. I trained in Shoto-khan, a Japanese traditional martial art from when I was ten to about sixteen, going to tournaments, getting medals and good results overall.

      For my parents, I must have been the captain out of the kid’s ‘dream-team’. Then, when I was about twelve or so the family packed up and moved to Toronto. It all happened in a year’s time. Being twelve years old at first it all seemed like a fairy tale story, or one of those bad jokes which my sister played on me when I was like four by telling me to go dress warm because we were moving to the North Pole. My mother would find me sweating buckets with two sweaters and my winter jacket on, waiting with my teddy bear on the sofa. So, indeed by the time I figured out that we were really moving across an ocean to a country which language I had no clue of, it was all too late. I found myself at Pearson International Airport (Toronto, Canada) helping my sister off the ground when she plunged through the automatic doors as she was trying to push them.

      I did not speak a word of English. I could understand nothing and communicate nothing (except with my own family). I saw people looking. I never really understood then. Now though, I look at photos from that time and I realize they scream: “Immigrant!” That did not matter to me because I was not aware of my out-of-the-ordinary look. I did see kids my age with baseball caps (something I had never seen before – except in movies) and sweaters with what looked like teams of some sport like baseball or football, which I did not understand. I had no such cloths. Again, it did not matter as I was not aware of the importance of fitting-in. I was out to explore and exploring I did, finding myself in some dark catacombs within this city very quickly.

      Fuck! This stupid life! I can’t even take an hour to write a story. This is my life: I just got interrupted by a phone call. I recognize the young buck’s voice. He’s probably like seventeen or so (around a decade younger than I am). Music is blasting in the background and I hear him yelling as usual:

      “Yo, yo, what’s poppin’ Don?”

      I laugh and respond:

      “What’s up buddy?”

      “Yo, yo, you got them pills?”

      I laugh again.

      “Naa, none of those.”

      “Naa, ehh, none … alright man, hey I got the hash man if anybody wants.”

      “I got that too,” I quickly reply.

      “Ohh ya? You have it up too? Ahhh, how much you got?

      “I thought you have black, why you asking me for some?” I hear him laugh.

      “Yours is probably better y’ kno’!"

      “Alright, whatever - I’ll toss you a sample now and if you want more, there should be more in a couple of days.”

      “Ohh-ahh, alright man! Give me a dime of weed too man!”

      “Cool, how long you gonna be? I’ll meet you at the gas station.”

      “Five minutes.”

      I hang up. Why do I even bother with this kid? He’s such a waste of my time. Another call!! Jesus, fuck! I got to answer; I forgot I told this other guy to come by.

      The call starts the same as the one before, I hear:

      “Yo, yo!”

      I laugh.

      “Ya, yoo!”

      “You still up?”

      “Yes, I am.” I can’t contain my laughter (he must think I`ve lost it).

      “Yo, I’ll be there in five minutes, zeen?”


      “Yo, yo!”

      I think I’m going mad. I was about to hang up. I really want to finish this fucking story – that’s all!


      “Yo, that shit is bling!”

      I laugh some more:

      “Naa, I don’t need any. Shit!”

      “Okay, I’ll be there just now.”

      I hung up. Fuck, this life! C’est uncroyable! How the fuck am I supposed to do anything. ‘The mother-fucking life I chose’ - that’s a line from some hip-hop tune. But did I choose it? Did I really choose it? I gotta run to the gas station now, one minute …

      Back from the gas-station and to the story: I turned sixteen and I knew nothing still about this city, about people in general. I was a more ‘educated young boy’ than your average kid but not in any real sense. Reality was still quite innocent until to my astonishment my mother passed away beside me in the hospital a couple of months before turning seventeen. What followed was a small chapter in my life which I could probably call “My Personal Dark Ages”: two years of getting drunk, smoking weed, hash and joy-riding all through the night and all kinds of other garbage. I ingested most drugs known to mankind but I managed to stay alive and not to get arrested. That was the big accomplishment now that I think of it.

      By the time I realized what was happening I was seeing whole paychecks from my part-time job or jobs going to cover my life-style expenditures, out of which alcohol and weed became part of the daily diet. I couldn’t just work to pay for the weed I smoked and the alcohol I consumed. I knew lots of people who smoked the sensemia and I knew where to get it so I got a paycheck, put it towards an ounce of weed and divided it in twenty eight grams. I smoked some, sold some and it quickly became evident that by selling most of the weed I could make my money back for the ounce with still some to smoke.

      Fuck, the phone again - my buddy is downstairs. He owes me some cash for raping me on the last badge of shitty coke I got from him. I shall continue in a minute. This life is insane. It really is.

      Finally, he’s gone. I wouldn’t answer the phone right now, if “God” showed up on my display with fireworks in the background. That’s it for tonight. The other night I woke up at two in the morning, not really woke up since I had just gone to bed but I had to get up from the bed, put on pants and go deal with somebody. The story repeated itself at seven thirty the same morning (just over five hours later). Damn. Some people act like crack-heads in need of a ‘blast’ when they’re left without a joint. This is my story man, and “I wish it on no one” – I keep saying that.

      If somebody would’ve told that little boy who landed with his whole family at Pearson airport that beautiful calm September night that he would wake up fifteen years later, in the middle of the night to answer whatever fiend calls, he would’ve kicked them in the nuts. I am so sick of this shit. What can I do though? It sometimes feels like I teleported into this life because growing into it seems unreal. How did things change so much? How did I change so much? A mixture of personal philosophy and circumstances got me further into the underground than I could have ever dreamed. Underground is good though, I imagine – we all end-up under-ground at some point.

    • profile image

      Ken Avery 

      2 years ago

      Mr. Happy -- no fun about crackers. I am going to be civil-minded and continue to tell you about why you need to write a novel: "A Day in The Life of . . ." You put in the person and what they are like, but you can use your gift of comedy to make someone, hopefully a LOT of folks happy. Get it, Mr. Happy?

      A smart alec might say, "Got it, Mister?" Just sharing some humor that was said in the 40s.

      Merry CHRISTmas, Mister. And a Happy New Year.

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 

      2 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      "I am so hungry right now that I could eat my screen." - Don't go for those crackers. We need You in one piece. Haha!!

      "$967.13 per person" - Sounds about right. I'm roughly somewhere at $800.

      Well, You skipped Haloween and went stright for Christmas but one of your games, the "Dynamite Defusing Game" can totally work for Haloween. Maybe even the candle game.

      "If they do not break-up or get arrested, they win" - The get arrested part might be a bit of a downer lol Especially during Christmas time. Even better, resist arrest, fight back when the cops come, that way You can have a somewhat unique experience of celebrating the New Year in jail as well, not just Christmas. : )

      Well, I can't believe we're writing stuff about Christams already. This year just flew by. Swoop and gone!

      You kept talking about food now I think I gotta make my way towards the kitchen soon. Let's see if I can manage not to light it on fire this time. Or, go down with the crackers. Haha!!!

      You be well! ; )


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