ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Newest Of New Years

Updated on January 2, 2016

To my disappointment, in a matter of a day or so, our lives will go back to our normal schedules and our normal everyday lives. This would be a great thing for me if I had a “normal” to go back to. With everything that’s happened over the last few years, normal flew out the window at the beginning of high school. And as hard as I try to make a new normal for myself, something usually gets in the way. As you may have noticed in my other posts, I have been more optimistic about how the future of the world and my own future will turn out. It’ll be interesting to see how long that optimism will last.

Upon the arrival of the new year, the future of everything is even more of a mystery to me than ever before. If you’re anything like me, you have a lot of choices, opportunities and decisions coming your way. In my life, the upcoming year of 2016 brings a new opportunity to go back to college, a new chance to make new friends, a new shot at staying at home for an entire year. The key word in all of that is “new”, because a new year is typically paired with a new you. There’s a few ways I could look at this opportunity. I haven’t been home for an entire year since I was a little bit into my 15th year. I used to think of each new year as a clean slate to start over again. In technicality, it is another shot at trying to think of life in a new light and finding a different way to handle the stressors of everyday life.

After going through what has happened to me in the past few years, now I look at each new year in a different way. I just float along at this point while trying to stop keeping track of time frames and just wake up to a new day and get through it until the night approaches and it becomes time to rinse and repeat. It could be viewed as an unusual way of living life, but at this point I’m used to getting through just one day at a time. That was one of the messages a group leader taught us at least once a week during my most recent hospitalization. He would say that looking beyond today isn’t a good way of motivating yourself while recovering anything, specifically from a mental illness.

If you expect yourself to never self harm again or to never have another suicidal thought again, it adds pressure on you which then leads to an increased risk of relapsing. But as long as I get myself through one day free of self harm and other negative thoughts and behaviors, that is one more day at home than it is at a hospital. And after 30 days, abstaining from all things self injurious, it becomes a habit. And by making a habit of a lifestyle without self harming, it eventually equals a lifestyle of staying at home.

If I set a high expectation for myself to stay at home for the rest of my life, it would be even more disappointing if I was rehospitalized, a small fraction of the reasoning behind being re-admitted would correlate to the pressure I put on myself in the process of trying to stay at home for good. After this most recent discharge, I’ve decided to not count the amount of days I’ve been home for. Shockingly, I believe that by using a mindset without a sense of time, it has helped me to stay home longer now than in the past. I had to count the number of days I’ve been home since October 2015 for my mental health record and I am proud to say that it has been about 72 days.

I’m not saying that I won’t be rehospitalized ever again and I’m not saying that I will, but I’ve learned that taking things a day at a time is the way to go.

I guess in short you could describe all of the upcoming year as the year of the unexpected turns of events. I’ve learned in my 18 years of living to have high hopes and no expectations. I don’t expect anything to happen, good or bad, because in my experience, expectations usually bring you down whenever the situation doesn’t turn out the way you thought. So as it stands right now, I’m counting the moments from when I wake up to when I go to sleep and keeping myself away from excessive negativity for just one day at a time. I’m not setting any New Year’s resolutions or long term goals this year; I will be setting up small goals in the morning that will hopefully be accomplished by the end of each night. I would rather be successful and safe for one day because of the short term goals I have set for myself while letting the days add up of being at home instead of setting bigger and grander goals for an entire year, becoming overwhelmed by all of it and ending up back in a hospital. As I know that everyone has a different perspective on New Year’s resolutions, this post just describes my humble opinion. However my advice to you would be to set and maintain motivation in regards to both short term and long term goals for yourself while putting minimal pressure on yourself in the process.

Here’s to 2016.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)