The Sentiments We Leave Behind

The holidays are a time for joy and family togetherness, or at least that's what they're supposed to be. This year, especially the end, seemed like it was trying its hardest to get me to throw in the towel. My December was basically one bad thing after another. My finances were a little tapped out, my father broke his hand in a car accident being hit head-on by another driver, the accident totaled the one car we had paid off, not even two days later the alternator went out on the Mini Cooper I share with my boyfriend, and to top everything off I found out that due to a mistake I made with the DMV, my car's registration was not valid and therefore illegal to drive. As much as I wanted it to be my priority, gifts were quickly vanishing as an option for my budget. This thought plagued me the entire month and left me in a somber mood for the quickly approaching holiday. I felt as though I was trying to be joyful given the time of year, but no matter what the thought of not being able to get anyone close to me a gift left me feeling blanketed in sadness no matter how hard I tried to shake it.

Alas, Christmas morning came just like it always does, and I was left battling these thoughts of inadequacy. My boyfriend Brandon and I made our usual holiday rounds, stopping first at his parents in the morning for gifts and coffee, we went to see his father's parents and ate breakfast with them, then we continued on to his mother's parents and enjoyed a nice early dinner with more presents, and we chose to end the festivities with my own lovely parents over dinner. After our feast of tamales, my mother goes digging in her room to find the presents she has scoped out for us over the course of the year. Before I go further into my holiday, I'll tell you a bit about my amazing mom. My mother never pays full price for ANYTHING. She would be content browsing the knick-knacks of any antique store, Goodwill, or second hand shop for hours on end. Her greatest joy is finding items that "speak" to her, and she can't pass up even the silliest items so long as it reminds her of someone. My mothers Christmas shopping starts as early as June. That being said, I knew to expect a small thoughtful gift from my mom. I opened up a few little things like a notepad and a new wallet, and then I came across a gift that looked like it could be a wrapped paper back book. I carefully opened the wrapping paper and was thoroughly confused as I looked at the cover of what appeared to be a manual for a 70's sewing desk with a built in Singer. Still not quite understanding this random gift I merely shrugged, leaned in for a hug, and thanked my mom anyway. She started laughing, obviously because I didn't get it, then grabbed my shoulders and turned me around just as my boyfriend was carrying this desk looking item inside. He set down the desk and they opened up the top which folded to the side, and set up the machine that was neatly tucked inside, let me just tell you I fell in love as if this was some rare piece of art.

Instantly it's like I went into a flashback of being maybe 8 or 9 years old watching my mom pull out this giant, heavy, old looking sewing machine. I naively asked her," Mommy why don't you buy a pretty new machine?" I will never forget her response,"Because baby, a long time ago my mommy taught me how to sew and one used to be hers." Now that I'm older and understand sentimental value, it practically brought me to tears to think that one day I'll be able to share it with my kids and tell them all about my amazing, self-less woman I got to call my mom.All in all, I realized that no matter what your worries, be they money issues or personal struggles, you should always remember that memories with those we love are what will prevail. For myself personally, it also sheds light on the fact I'd spent most of the holiday season in my own little funk because I didn't allow myself to just relax and not worry about the things I could not help. I can't wait to start using this beautiful gem, and I will definitely share more journeys throughout this new year as I reinvent myself. Stay tuned and stay inspired!