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The Young Widow - Valentine's Day

Updated on February 9, 2012
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I thought that this time of year would be another hurdle for me to face. It isn't. Not in the slightest. I don't know if it is because commercialism has successfully washed this day of its roots or if it is because I still love and believe in the root of the day. I shared the story with my daughter a few years back and every year we revisit it. When she asks me what chocolates have to do with it, I tell her the truth just as I do for Christmas and Easter.

A man long ago believed in something so much that he gave his life for it. Sounds familiar? Not these days. These days this trait is a little more illusive. The people who practice this belief are slated the minority.

A king banned marriage. Anyone who was caught providing the service of marriage would be arrested and killed. Still a man believed that the best gift we have here on earth is LOVE. The love in a marriage and a family was the greatest gift he could give to others. All he had to do was perform the ceremony. The vows, once taken, could be undone by no earthly king. I believe in the same thing. Nothing stands close to the fulfillment of a loving family. So on this day, I will reflect on the love stories that my heart was fortunate enough to have lived.

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Our first Valentine's

Commercialism can be fun sometimes, don't get me wrong. February 14th 2008 - We lived in a tiny little cottage apartment right off a lake. It was a cozy place with 2 bedrooms and a fireplace. My daughter and I came home and walked into our rooms. She was greeted by a huge bouquet of heart balloons being held down on her bed by a weight. She was so happy. What more can a 5 year old want. She said Wober loves me! She was right. Robert did love her. My room had a ceiling full of balloons. There were 2 little, stuffed frogs in love on a heart pillow on my bed. There was also a cake. I had never had that before. I can't help but smile and feel the love stir up in the space in my chest where my heart is being reconstructed.

I brought the restaurant experience home so that we can bask in each others love without the interruptions of others. Thank Goodness for the Outback Steakhouse curbside service! We were together with full bellies and presents. It was Awesome!

I believe that my husband loved me in a way that no other man has ever been able to do before. I believe that his love was truly unconditional. I was his center. I believe that, given the time, it would have been the real thing for a really long time. I believe that we were able to recognize what we had because we loved before. I believe our story was so beautiful because we had other stories to draw knowledge and inspiration from and we were both mature enough to know that our accomplishments and goals were not the source of happiness.

I was asked about loving again recently. I believe that it is way to early for the topic. The decisions I make are tainted by what I feel right now. I know that they can change as I change. Just days ago I met my 5th month as my husband's widow. My honest answer is that I am not on a quest for love. Quests are for those in search of something they have never had. My heart has had 2 very different, genuine love stories. I learned from them both. If life granted more time, the second story would have been my last anyway. That was the plan anyway. I don't see a reason to change that right now. I have grown under the light of 2 stories. While I have more love to give, my heart can't bear the journey towards a new story. When I love, I love for always. It never ends. Thankfully, there are thousands of ways to live by love that don't involve another story.


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    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      I guess I am even more grateful then. I was not so numb for the first set so the second set of holidays that just past were actually very well spent. Yes, there were differences but I was not challenged. :)

      I tried a group. I couldn't adapt to it. I am an empath. I felt worse for those around me than I did for myself. I was not strong enough then to balance my weight and the weight of those around me. I didn't go back. I did see the value in it tho. It was awesome to see them lean on each other. Kind and gentle, what great words. I will head them. I feel your love Vicki and appreciate it.

    • profile image

      Vickiw 

      5 years ago

      Just had another group session today, and this was a large part of the discussion. Most of the participants found that the second year was more challenging than the first, time wise. It was almost as though the first year was still a time of numbness and shock. Then the reality kicks in, and becomes another major hurdle to overcome. Time truly is your friend. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you so very much Vivkiw. Here it is almost a year later and upon re-reading it, I feel the same way. I am more open to companionship and short stories but I am still stand-off-ish about the idea of relationships.

      It really didn't seem like it in the beginning but you are right, time is a lot friendlier than it seems.

    • profile image

      Vickiw 

      5 years ago

      Hello Moms-secret, this is a beautifully written Hub. I haven't been able to go through your others, but I will. I love to see that your optimism is growing after your loss, and that the gift of acceptance is making a showing in your life. That is how it should be, I think. I have lived through your experience of loss too, and time really is our friend.

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Our heads become very crowded when grief takes over that space. I am finding the memories are coming back as the fog is clearing. It is a process and I don't think there is any way to fast track it, and as they say the greater the love, the deeper the grief. But the fog does clear and although there is always deep sadness, grief will eventually loosen its grip. Take care, Moms-Secret.

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank you Fennel. It is so nice to see you. I had to get the memory down in writing. It isn't safe in my head anymore. I have lost a lot of others.

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 

      6 years ago from Australia

      This beautiful magical moment - Valentines Day 2008,was special for a mother and just as special for a daughter. A man created this magic and his memories are bringing peace. Embrace the memories. Best wishes Moms-Secret.

    • Moms-Secret profile imageAUTHOR

      Lissette 

      6 years ago from Central Florida

      Hi Becky. Nice to see you. My 2 wk hiatus felt long. Thankfully no one is pressuring me. I think it was more of a curious thing. They thought our story was so unique and genuine they just was curious to know if having made me desire to find it again or if it fulfilled my need. It was actually an interesting conversation filled with questions whose answered gave them hope to find love.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 

      6 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      I am so glad that you are healing. You do not sound nearly as miserable now. You will know if the time is ever right for you to think on love again. For now, you need time to heal. I truly believe that the traditional year of mourning is a good thing. It allows you to heal before everyone starts bugging you. When you don't have time to heal first, the wounds are still too raw and fresh to look at things objectively. Take you time and if anyone starts to bug you, tell them you are allowed time to mourn and heal. You will be mentally healthier for it.

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