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The Young Widow - Valentine's Day
I thought that this time of year would be another hurdle for me to face. It isn't. Not in the slightest. I don't know if it is because commercialism has successfully washed this day of its roots or if it is because I still love and believe in the root of the day. I shared the story with my daughter a few years back and every year we revisit it. When she asks me what chocolates have to do with it, I tell her the truth just as I do for Christmas and Easter.
A man long ago believed in something so much that he gave his life for it. Sounds familiar? Not these days. These days this trait is a little more illusive. The people who practice this belief are slated the minority.
A king banned marriage. Anyone who was caught providing the service of marriage would be arrested and killed. Still a man believed that the best gift we have here on earth is LOVE. The love in a marriage and a family was the greatest gift he could give to others. All he had to do was perform the ceremony. The vows, once taken, could be undone by no earthly king. I believe in the same thing. Nothing stands close to the fulfillment of a loving family. So on this day, I will reflect on the love stories that my heart was fortunate enough to have lived.
Our first Valentine's
Commercialism can be fun sometimes, don't get me wrong. February 14th 2008 - We lived in a tiny little cottage apartment right off a lake. It was a cozy place with 2 bedrooms and a fireplace. My daughter and I came home and walked into our rooms. She was greeted by a huge bouquet of heart balloons being held down on her bed by a weight. She was so happy. What more can a 5 year old want. She said Wober loves me! She was right. Robert did love her. My room had a ceiling full of balloons. There were 2 little, stuffed frogs in love on a heart pillow on my bed. There was also a cake. I had never had that before. I can't help but smile and feel the love stir up in the space in my chest where my heart is being reconstructed.
I brought the restaurant experience home so that we can bask in each others love without the interruptions of others. Thank Goodness for the Outback Steakhouse curbside service! We were together with full bellies and presents. It was Awesome!
I believe that my husband loved me in a way that no other man has ever been able to do before. I believe that his love was truly unconditional. I was his center. I believe that, given the time, it would have been the real thing for a really long time. I believe that we were able to recognize what we had because we loved before. I believe our story was so beautiful because we had other stories to draw knowledge and inspiration from and we were both mature enough to know that our accomplishments and goals were not the source of happiness.
I was asked about loving again recently. I believe that it is way to early for the topic. The decisions I make are tainted by what I feel right now. I know that they can change as I change. Just days ago I met my 5th month as my husband's widow. My honest answer is that I am not on a quest for love. Quests are for those in search of something they have never had. My heart has had 2 very different, genuine love stories. I learned from them both. If life granted more time, the second story would have been my last anyway. That was the plan anyway. I don't see a reason to change that right now. I have grown under the light of 2 stories. While I have more love to give, my heart can't bear the journey towards a new story. When I love, I love for always. It never ends. Thankfully, there are thousands of ways to live by love that don't involve another story.