Valentine's Day Disasters That Men Think Are Great Gift Ideas
After much grieving
about what to write for today, I mentally wandered from "How to Shop Wisely For a Used Car," to "Knowing Which Museum to Visit on Vacation." And after much worrying, I hit on what might be "the"perfect hub or near-perfect hub to be honest.
Another area where women excel above guys is gift-giving. Hold it, guys. Do not get offended. You see, a woman is a better gift-giver because she takes time to shop, compare, and not be satisfied with the first item she picks up in a department store or florist. Us guys are born hunters thanks to our DNA and when we see the gift that looks good, we buy it, pay for it and take it home to try our best to wrap it so our wife or girlfriend will be pleased.
And even when we do
our best to buy the perfect gift, what we are stuck with is the saying, "it's the thought that counts." But if you are like me, I personally want to be able to buy my wife the gift that I know she really loves and that she is not just saying that she loves the gift. Us guys are very sensitive, ladies with tender ego's. Just remember this on Valentine's Day, Christmas, your birthday and wedding anniversary.
And then again, we guys have to face the fact that the Valentine's Day gift we "thought"was fine, turns out to be . . .
Valentine's Day Disasters That Men Think are Great Gift Ideas
- Music mix tapes or CD's that you have made for your wife or girlfriend is a fine idea. I approve this 100%, but let me ask you a question: Are you a gifted singer? Be honest. Okay. Then buy her a tape or CD by music legend, Roy Clark.
- Giving her an 8x10 photo of you drunk with your drunk buddies on that long Labor Day weekend last year when it took all of the weekend for you to land a four-pound Bass. Your eyes aren't the old thing that is red in this photo. Your face could pass for a traffic light.
- Matching floor mats for her car may be the way to go if you are on a strict budget thanks to you almost sinking you and your wife with credit card purchases that you knew were too expensive. But if you make a decent wage, then by all means, give her a romantic gift. Do I need to remind you that Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of her life?
- Paying for a complete physical from your family doctor is okay if she is a health-addict, but guys, at least try to be romantic. Send her a dozen roses and I promise you that you will have the most romantic night of your 10 year marriage.
- Do not try to cook her a Valentine's Day dinner complete with candlelight. No woman loves to be served burned pork chops and salad that has wilted from sitting out too long. If you cannot cook, that is okay. Take her to a romantic restaurant and let someone else take the pressure for you.
- A pink paint gun with her initials carved on the handle. Is your wife or girlfriend into sports such as paintball contests? You best make sure and do not just buy something for her on a whim. Fact: Simply because you like the gift is no guarantee that she will like it.
- Giving her a "girl's day out" shopping with your mom and grandmother is not a good idea for Valentine's Day. If you are going to be hard headed about this, by all means call two of her close female friends from work (if she works) and then yes, give her a "girl's day out."
- Paying for her to take drumming lessons is not a wise gift choice, guys. It would be a very wise move if she is a member of a garage band on the weekends.
- Buying her a pretty dress or skirt with matching shoes is something daring if you ask me. But please find out her exact size in clothes and shoes before you venture out to do this. I know from experience this is not wise. I mean that.
- A pet is a good idea as long as the pet is a puppy or kitten. Not a fully-grown dog or cat that you happen to find on the side of the road on your way home from work. I will give you credit. You did not know that the poor animal was suffering from mange.
- You can forget about pythons and boa constrictors as gifts. Just because "Peter's Pet Galaxy" in the mall is going out of business and all pets are half off is not a sound reason to give your loving wife or girlfriend a snake for Valentine's Day.
- A matching bear suit so she can go with you on those rather heavy drinking nights when you dress like a bear and prank your less-than-manly friends.
- A tag for her car that says, "My Husband is A Stud." Are you that determined to get a divorce? Well, are you?
- If you are going to give your wife or girlfriend a vintage bottle of wine for her Valentine's Day gift, please consult a wine expert and do not go into this action blindfolded. No woman loves to receive a jumbo size of strawberry wine that has lost its color and taste. And that 2-liter size is not very presentable either.
- Giving your pretty wife or girlfriend a dozen frozen pizzas is probably the most ignorant gift that you could buy. Giving her a gift like this says "I do not care what I give my wife," and it shouts it from every rooftop.
- Buying two tickets for you and her to take in "Col. Dick's Trained Fleas" at the local community events building is very scary. She might scream at you and then leave you. But if you are determined to give her tickets to a night out, make it tickets to a hit Broadway play or hit film.
- Sewing her a blouse or any item of clothing is a great way to show her that you care, but do you know anything about operating a sewing machine or knowing how to read a pattern for women's blouses? No! Just whip out the cash or credit card and go to a store that carries a great selection of brand-name clothing for women.
- Pink fishing rods are a no, no. Sure, go ahead and give her a fishing rod but only if she adores Bill Dance, the Bassmaster. If she hates the smell of fish, well, you do not waste your money.
- A night out with you at the Professional Bull Riding that is holding a regional contest at your local outdoor area sucks wind, guys. Does she even know what an angry bull looks like? And I don't mean you.
- Sign you and her up for skydiving lessons. Oh, you just remembered that she is afraid of heights and cannot stand going fast. Too bad the money you blew for this gift is non-refundable.
- Take a good close look at the pretty woman below. She is enduring one of the most miserable days of her life thanks to a non-thinking husband who thought (his first mistake) that auto racing was one of her "likes." Test her Spring Car Racing IQ, guys, before you do this. Okay?
"I do take this moment to wish Every woman single, married or divorced who are among my followers, a Happy Valentine's Day. And remember, if there is a man in your life who struggles to give you just the right Valentine's Day gift, be compassionate."
© 2017 Kenneth Avery