Valentines Day - What Women Want survey answers

I thought I would write an article based on all the conversations I’d had with all my girlfriends, work partners, associates, sisters, acquaintances, mother, other people’s sisters, mothers, random women I met: people in parks, stores, planes, in lines, etc. and answer the age old question about what women want from men – really – on Valentine’s Day. I thought of course, me, being a woman, would have all of the answers.

I had the article finished, well ahead of time, as I normally do (yes, I’m laughing) – I actually was just finishing it up yesterday evening, when I was struck by lightning. (That does happen to me - often) What if that was all just “girl talk”? Would the answers really be different if women knew they were being interviewed and the article was going to be published?

As a rule, people will think twice before they speak depending on the audience. Public speakers prepare for their speeches. Politicians are briefed on who their audience is. Teachers know what grade they are teaching to and what their general background is. Celebrities, politicians, community leaders, no matter who you are – do not like to be caught on camera without your knowledge or permission, or quoted because words and images stick in our minds and they influence and carry weight. This value adds meaning even if taken out of context. And it seems in this day and age…so seldom does anyone give everything the proper context.

Well, I chose not to publish what I had written (even though I thought it was pretty good) because my mail box is overflowing already with fan letters, I didn’t want to inundate them further with hate mail. (Okay that is a lie, every word of it) I chose not to publish because I wanted to publish the truth.

So, now what was I to do? I did what any pre-menopausal woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown would do. I stayed up until 6 in the morning to email all of my FaceBook friends; posting my survey all over the world; and hoping that somehow in the next 18 hours I would have enough input to tell me if I am at least on the right track or if I need to totally revise my article for Valentine’s Day.

Luckily I did manage to squeeze in four hours of sleep and had a nice big glass of chocolate Slimfast this morning to choke down my meds before I got back to work. And I must say, I had some surprises today. I was right on the money for some things I had written previously, but you ladies really saved me today with your input. So let me say THANK YOU! , this article would not have been complete without your last minute input and openness.

So let me return the favor by (hopefully) doing you the honor of representing the feedback I received here.

First and foremost, I would like to open this Valentine’s Day tribute – and that is exactly what this has turned out to be - to two very special couples. In fact, I want to dedicate it to them.

Mr. and Mrs. Herbert and Mary Walker who will be celebrating their 50^th Valentine’s Day together this year – yes, a Golden Valentine to my parents who have been married for 50 Years this year and truly have shown me everything I have known about what it means to love through thick and thin. I love you Mom and Dad!

The Second is to my friend from high school and her husband (and I said the surveys would be anonymous so I can’t publish their names – I’m sorry) They are celebrating their first anniversary this Valentine’s Day. Happy Anniversary!

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So what do women want for Valentine’s Day?

Celebrating February 14<sup>th</sup> should be known as a celebration of Love. The common theme is that women want to honor Love in their lives; love throughout the ages, love across the miles, love lost, love found, love longed for, and unconditional love. I thought for sure that the responses would mirror all the talk I had heard about what women wanted from their spouses, changes that needed to be made, gifts and tokens, etc. But I guess I’ve been away from the mainstream for a while. Things have changed, and I loved the answers I received on my survey questions. Let me share them with you.

Women with children liked to view Valentine’s Day as a family day. Some mentioned romantic dinners and nights out with their spouse but most of them just wanted a day with the family to spend just being together. Although there was a caveat: “peaceful” time together.

Gifts didn’t have to play any part, not even cards. In fact, most women said they would rather have something hand-made than store-bought, especially from children. Sometimes a bunch of flowers picked from an outside garden or just a phone call could make all the difference. And while some still liked to receive flowers, plants are the new favorite because you don’t just “throw them out”.

Gifts FOR children included candy, cards, money and small toys. It seems that women, not just mothers, see Valentine’s Day as a big holiday for children. Maybe because we remember what Valentine’s Day was like for us as children?

In families or couples, both with and without children, the women wanted their partner’s attention and company and saw it as a precious gift. Not divided by work, emails, the blackberry texts and calls from work, etc. To quote one woman, “My present is his presence.” With some of the hardships we’ve faced this year with so many world disasters, wars, and with the record snowfall in the northeastern United States last week; for those not co-located with their significant other, that can be quite a challenge. That’s where a phone call, card, letter, email or even a text message FROM their partner can make all the difference in the world.

I asked one woman what her Valentine’s gift was, and she said it was “watching her husband prepare for a religious group”. For some women, they are most happy when they see their man giving of himself, to his children, to those less privileged, to those in need, to anything or any purpose to which he is called selflessly and responsibly without complaint or regret. Those women find their greatest happiness in supporting him so that others may benefit. In that way they believe the Love keeps growing.

When I asked women what they wanted - I used the words - “for Valentine’s Day”- to refer to any day that is known internationally by many dates revolving around this time of year to celebrate Love. I was sent stories about St. Valentine, Eros and Psyche, and a host of others. Maybe people didn’t answer my survey because they thought I was ignorant of other world cultures, but I did reach a core group. And people corrected me if they didn’t think I knew what I was asking about. I love it when anyone takes the time to explain their own tradition to me, I always consider you the experts. Thank you for all your explanations.

Women without partners wished for partners. Not ANY partners, but they were specific about the partner they knew was right for them and about who would walk into their Valentine Dream. No one answered my survey saying that they loved spending Valentine’s day alone and didn’t feel the need for a connection. This can be a very lonely day without a partner; I know that feeling all too well. But it’s ONE day a year and as one of my beautiful friends pointed out...by quoting Ru Paul I might add "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?" So first and foremost - Be your own Valentine!

The top gifts women said they got on Valentine’s Day in no particular order:

1.      Flowers

2.      Candy/Chocolate

3.      Cards

4.      Jewelry

5.      Trips/Dinner

What women want:

1.      Peaceful Quiet Family or Together Time

2.      To love and to be loved, not just on Valentine’s Day but every day. Just to be with the one you love, location is optional, and up for discussion.

3.      To know that the one person they have chosen to cherish and honor and love really listens to them, GETS them, respects them. (I would imagine the man’s answer would be the same)

4.      A gift, if they did get one that says – I know you, and I’ve thought about this.

5.      Nothing special if you make them feel special every day, and they know that is a two-way street.

Valentine Traditions:

1.      For spiritual women, lighting a candle to honor the holiday or a prayer of thanks for all the Love in their lives.

2.      For a few, Valentine’s Day is also an Anniversary!

3.      Valentine’s Day is a family day meant to be spent together, mom and/or dad and the kids just being together and being happy being together – another day to bond.

Well, that’s it. Wishing you all a wonderful Valentine’s Day or whatever Love Day you will be celebrating this month! If you have any questions or comments, Please post them and I’ll get to them as soon as we are finished celebrating!

Namaste’ (translation: I honor the spirit within you that is also within me)

Erin