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50 Funny Christmas Card Sayings

Updated on November 6, 2014
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Who doesn’t love receiving a funny Christmas card? Sayings in these cards can really make someone’s day and Christmas bright!

Making a Christmas card is probably the best way to go about sending cards to those you love, and if you have a lot of friends and family with a good sense of humor, then you’ll probably want to write funny Christmas card sayings in there.

Here are some funny Christmas card sayings that everyone would love:

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Funny Christmas Jokes

  1. Christmas is cancelled! You told Santa you were good this year and he died laughing!
  2. Only Santa can get away with breaking into peoples' homes, leaving piles of stuff all over the floor, and eating all their cookies.
  3. What does a snow woman look for in a snowman? Carrot size.
  4. How does a sheep say “Merry Christmas”? “Fleece Navidad!”
  5. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
  6. How can you tell if you’ve been really naughty this year? Santa puts reindeer poop in your stocking. Merry Christmas, here’s to hoping the worst you’ll find in your stocking is coal!
  7. What would you get if Santa sent reindeer down the chimney instead? A venison Christmas dinner!
  8. What do you get if you light your fireplace on Christmas Eve? Coal in your stocking!
  9. If Elves were strippers, where would you find them? On the North Pole.
  10. Wanna know how snowflakes are made? Just feed frosty a can of beans! Merry Christmas, I hope it’s a white one!
  11. Why is Santa so jolly? Because Mrs. Claus is always jingling his bells! Merry Christmas, may your bells be jingled all the way!
  12. Why is Santa’s lap so warm? Because Mrs. Claus warmed it up!
  13. Why is Santa so stressed throughout the year and so happy on Christmas? Because he only comes once a year.
  14. So I tried to borrow money from an elf for Christmas, turns out he was a little short. Merry Christmas!
  15. Why does Santa Claus have three gardeners? So he can say "Ho, ho, ho!"

What's your favorite funny Christmas movie?

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Funny Christmas Movie Quotes

  1. Merry Christmas. Shitter was full! -Christmas Vacation
  2. When Santa squeezes his fat, white ass down the chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse! -Christmas Vacation
  3. Hallelujah, holy shit, where’s the Tylenol? -Christmas Vacation
  4. First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Toll House cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle. -Elf
  5. We Elves try to stick to the four main food groups: Candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup. -Elf
  6. Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins. -Elf
  7. Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra. -A Christmas Story
  8. Jinger bers, jinger bers, jinger arr the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sreigh! -A Christmas Story
  9. I know nobody likes me, why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it? -Charlie Brown Christmas Movie
  10. Aren’t we forgetting about the true meaning of Christmas...you know, the birth of Santa? -Bart, The Simpsons

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Funny Christmas Card Greetings

  1. I put so much thought into your gift that I ran out of time to get it, thus the card. Merry Christmas anyway!
  2. Wishing you love, peace, joy, happiness, and any other marketing buzzword you can think of. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
  3. Merry Christmas, don’t jingle your bells too hard!
  4. I was trying to give you something huge for Christmas but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox. Merry Christmas!
  5. I hope your Christmas jingle bell rocks your socks off! Merry Christmas!
  6. Hoping your tree is brighter than you this holiday season! Here's to a merry and bright Christmas!
  7. May you wake up skinny tomorrow with paid off credit cards and a loaded bank account! Merry Christmas!
  8. Here’s to enjoying Christmas until we receive the bills next month. Cheers and Merry Christmas!
  9. Wishing you a skinny body and a fat bank account on Christmas, and that Santa doesn’t confuse them both! Merry Christmas!
  10. I hope your Christmas is so breathtaking that it knocks the wind out of you! Merry Christmas!

Funny Christmas Sayings

  1. Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. -Andy Borowitz
  2. Thinking about you makes me touch my Elf. Merry Christmas, make it a jolly one!
  3. For Christmas, I want whatever Frosty is smoking!
  4. Christmas is so magical that it makes my savings disappear! Merry Christmas, wishing you a prosperous New Year!
  5. Christmas being in December means starting Christmas music after Halloween? I must have missed this memo! Merry Christmas.
  6. Everyone’s dreaming of a white Christmas, but I’m dreaming of a green Christmas where all of my money stays in my bank account! Merry Christmas, I hope you don’t go broke this year.
  7. There are some things that money can’t buy, for everything else, there’s Santa! Merry Christmas and ho-ho-ho!
  8. For Christmas, my wish is for Santa to get a treadmill so he can fit down my chimney! Merry Christmas.
  9. Going green this Christmas means Santa better leave me lots of cash under the tree! Merry Christmas, I hope yours is green too!
  10. I’d be lying if I said you are all I want for Christmas.. winning the lotto would be nice! Merry Christmas!
  11. Christmas: The only time of the year where it’s acceptable for someone to break into your home. Merry Christmas!
  12. My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge. -Melanie White
  13. Christmas is much like a greedy corporation: You work your buns off to make money, shop ‘til you drop, and some fat guy at the top still gets all the credit! Merry Christmas anyway.
  14. You know if you drink enough on Christmas Eve and stay up for Santa, you’ll see not one, but many Santas! Merry Christmas, I hope it’s filled with good spirits!
  15. For Christmas this year, I will be making a donation in your name to my bank account. You were very generous this year!

Send Them a Smile

Giving a Christmas card to someone you love will surely spread the Christmas cheer and give a smile from ear to ear!

Even better, send a caroling Christmas card! After all, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!

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