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How To Avoid Halloween - 8 Ways

Updated on September 25, 2014
The Scream
The Scream | Source

Trick Or Treat?

Bah, Humbug!

Do you hate Halloween?

Do you hate dressing up in scary costumes?

Do you hate pumpkins?

Well, you've come the right place.

Some people love Halloween, but believe it or not, there are also people who can't stand it.

Some people:

  • don't like the idea of dressing up in scary costumes
  • think it's a waste of time or money
  • don't like the thought of kids going out after dark, in said scary costumes
  • hate being disturbed by people on their doorstep, expecting candy!

Confession: I'm one of those people, but that's a story for another time...

Whatever your thoughts on the subject, this article is a tongue-in-cheek look at Halloween, Trick or Treat, and those awkward moments when the doorbell rings.

Can you can escape the bogeyman on that dreaded night?

Pre Halloween Preparation

Tip 1 - Make A Decision!

Let's picture the situation.

You don't like Halloween, but you get all sorts of invitations from well meaning friends.

They invite you to parties and they invite your kids to "trick or treat" with their kids.

What do you do?

Make a choice, that's what!

Work out what it is about Halloween that you don't like (if you don't already know) and then tell 'em!

Tell your friends it's nothing personal, you just don't like them ... *cough* ...I mean you just don't like it.

If that doesn't work, or you're too chicken to talk to your friends, then I'm afraid that avoidance is going to be the only way.

However, in order to avoid Halloween you will need to put in some preparation.

Preparation means planning - and planning means a sense of purpose.

Remember that you've made a decision and your goal is to prevent the unthinkable:

  • getting invited to parties
  • dressing up
  • joining in with anything remotely resembling Trick or Treat.

It will take some work, but it is possible.

The following tips are presented in increasing order of escalation...

Just Scream

The Addams Family: an Evilution
The Addams Family: an Evilution

Charles Addams, the cartoonist who started what became known as "the Addams Family" is about as close as I ever got to liking Halloween.

My parents had a book of his cartoons, which I have fond memories of.

One of my favourites is one where a visitor to the house stands by a 4 poster bed with suspiciously spike-like things hanging down.

The lady of the house is leaving the room saying, "If you should need anything, just scream"!

 

Tip 2 - Excuses

Think up some excuses to try when the conversation turns to Halloween parties.

As an example, look at your watch or mobile phone, saying "oh my goodness, is that the time?" and then rush off.

The possibilities here are endless:

  • You have to be at home, the gym, borstal, or on a flight to Rio.
  • The cat has eaten all the fish in your pond. (Tip: just make sure you've got a pond!)
  • A sudden freak storm has levelled the shed.
  • There was an earthquake at your mother's place (it's amazing how localised they can be isn't it?).
  • A freak tidal wave just threw your/partner's car into the neighbour's house.

Note: the old classic "I've got a headache" may not work in this case.

Say this one too many times and you'll get concerned friends trying to take you to the doctors.

Look at your watch or mobile phone, saying "Oh my goodness, is that the time?" and then rush off.

"Pocket" - Hiding in plain sight
"Pocket" - Hiding in plain sight | Source

Tip 3 - Hiding

If you really can't face your friends, then it's time to hide!

It's a case of hiding and sneaking around, or possibly hiding in plain sight (see picture).

Stand on the opposite side of their car and surreptitiously move around it when they start to come round to your side.

Just be careful you don't get caught up in the game and start running around, or you'll look like a child.

If they do manage to catch up, then it's "oh hallo, I didn't see you there", which you can follow up with another look at your watch!

Alternatively, change your clothes to blend in with your surroundings and wear a balaclava so they don't recognise you.

Army style camoflage works well here...

Take The Quiz

Do you like Halloween or hate it?

See results

On The Day

So you've made it to October 31st.

You've managed to get invited to zero parties and you're not dressed up at all.

Now all you have to do is avoid answering the door...

Tip 4 - Lock The Door

Call the cat in and lock the door - preferably with a dead bolt.

Check for gaps around the door frame and then seal the letterbox with sticky tape.

Get a chair or small table and place it up against the door, but don't forget to leave an escape route out the back, in case of emergencies.

If you are truly insistent, you could post a sign on the door saying "trick or treaters will be shot on sight"

...or something like that... er...

Make sure you wear ear plugs so you can't hear knocking or ringing on the door.

Tip 5 - Hide In The Lounge

You don't want anyone to know you're at home, so put up black-out curtains, then close them and turn off the lights.

If you're now scared, turn the lights back on and move your TV into the back room, so you can watch it from there!

Make sure you wear ear plugs so you can't hear knocking or ringing on the door.

Bonus Tip: Don't forget to switch on subtitles on the TV.

Tip 6 - Escalation

If you have a group of persistent trick or treat kids, then you can escalate as appropriate.

Try placing a bucket of water next to an upstairs window.

Then the next time they call, they'll get a cold shower.

Nothing quite beats soggy clothes to dampen the spirits!

Let 'em have it!
Let 'em have it! | Source

Tip 7 - Reverse Psychology

Of course, if escalation doesn't work, you could have a real problem on your hands.

So, how about a bit of reverse psychology?

Dress up in the scariest Halloween costume you can think of and when they ring the doorbell, jump out at them from a nearby bush.

Better still, round up all the kids in the area and invite them into your house.

When they are all assembled, turn off the lights and at the right moment, shout "boo!".

- You will only have to do this once.

Warning: may result in prosecution and court appearances, due to 'traumatic experiences'.

This means war!
This means war! | Source

Tip 8 - Declare War!

Finally of course, there is nothing else for it but to declare all out war on the entire neighbourhood.

Turn your house into a bunker:

  • Place wooden planks across all entrances and hammer them into place.
  • Place barbed wire all round your house and sandbags against your windows.
  • Arm mines in your garden (depth charges in your swimming pool, if you have one) and set up a sniper position on the roof.
  • Hotwire your doorbell to administer an electric shock when pressed - if they make it that far.

Warning: will almost certainly result in no friends and a long prison sentence, but hey, you won't ever receive trick or treat visits again.

In fact, you probably won't receive visits of any kind at all...

Comments please!

Do you hate Halloween as much as I do?

Do you love Halloween?

Is all this just a bit unfair, or did you laugh?

Then let me know!

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    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      4 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @Heartily: Thank you, glad you liked it.

    • Heartily profile image

      Lucy Bieri 

      4 years ago from Switzerland

      Halloween is ok as long its fun, the kids love it.. Nice lense with interesting topic.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      4 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @AlanJC321: You're welcome.

      Glad you liked it. :)

    • AlanJC321 profile image

      AlanJC321 

      4 years ago

      LOL thanks for the funny lens!

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      4 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @AmyLOrr: Don't worry, you're not alone!

      Thanks for reading.

    • profile image

      AmyLOrr 

      4 years ago

      I thought I was the only one who didn't like Halloween! Hocus Pocus however is one of my favourite films.. I feel I may be a small hypocrite... great lens :)

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      4 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @WinWriter: Glad you liked it :)

      Thanks for reading.

    • profile image

      WinWriter 

      4 years ago

      This lens was a fun read. I have thought about these tips myself ;) I don't like Halloween either.

    • goldenrulecomics profile image

      goldenrulecomics 

      4 years ago from New Jersey

      fun stuff. thanks for sharing.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      4 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @rainykua: Hm, I hadn't thought about that - perhaps you can scare off your cell mates?!

    • rainykua profile image

      rainykua 

      4 years ago

      Great tips! LOL. I have a question though. What if prisoners celebrate Halloween too?

    • lesliesinclair profile image

      lesliesinclair 

      5 years ago

      I'm with ya, except for the idea that threatens a lawsuit afterwards. Lots of creativity here.

    • ThreeQuarters2Day profile image

      Dawn Romine 

      5 years ago from Nebraska

      @LiteraryMind: I love trick or treaters, even the high schoolers if they put effort into dressing up

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @anonymous: WWWWWoooooooowwwwwwwwoooooo!

      Do you think that did the trick? :)

      Thanks for reading.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      5 years ago

      uhhh.. why don't we just scare them all away?

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @smine27: Thanks, glad you enjoyed reading.

    • smine27 profile image

      Shinichi Mine 

      5 years ago from Tokyo, Japan

      I used to live for Halloween but these days it's more about intimate dinners with friends on this night. I love this different and unique view on Halloween.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @LiteraryMind: Yes, hopefully it was a joke!

      It's sad when you get all ready for something and then it doesn't happen.

      Thanks for dropping by.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @ColettaTeske: You're welcome!

      Thanks for reading.

    • Elsie Hagley profile image

      Elsie Hagley 

      5 years ago from New Zealand

      We don't celebrated halloween in New Zealand, all though it is getting more popular with people shifting here.

      But If it was popular I would feel the same as you, make out I am not home.

      Sorry Halloween lovers.

    • LiteraryMind profile image

      Ellen Gregory 

      5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      The first Halloween with my significant other, he said "don't tell me you are buying candy for the little beggars". He was joking (I think). Maybe not. I get disappointed when I only get a few trick or treaters.

    • profile image

      ColettaTeske 

      5 years ago

      Hi Tim! I'm with you. I'll do anything to get out of a Halloween party and those pesky trick or treaters. Thanks for the humorous look at fright night avoidance.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @David Stone1: Thanks Dave,

      I've never trusted children myself (despite having my own), so I sympathise with your cat!

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @adragast24: Well, thank you for letting me be a member! lol

      Thanks for reading.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @Susan Zutautas: Funny - I said the same thing last night, before saying "only joking"

      ...but perhaps there's something in it?

      Thanks for dropping by.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @Margaret Schindel: You're welcome!

      Glad you enjoyed it.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @Lorelei Cohen: Wow, I can imagine that was a really scary experience for you.

      Must have been a real relief to realise it was ok after all.

      Thanks for reading.

    • Tim Bader profile imageAUTHOR

      Tim Bader 

      5 years ago from Surrey, UK

      @Nancy Hardin: Hi Nancy,

      Thanks for reading and for sharing your story too!

    • David Stone1 profile image

      David Stone 

      5 years ago from New York City

      My problem with Halloween is that the noisy kids scare the beejesus out of my cats, especially my black cat who believes that children bring bad luck,

    • adragast24 profile image

      adragast24 

      5 years ago

      Interesting, I thought I was the only one to write articles for people who do not like Halloween. welcome to the club!

    • Susan Zutautas profile image

      Susan Zutautas 

      5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I laughed all the way through! Thanks! Are you going to do one of these for Christmas too? LOL!

    • Margaret Schindel profile image

      Margaret Schindel 

      5 years ago from Massachusetts

      Tim, thanks for this fun guide on how to avoid the scary perils of participating in Halloween celebrations. When I lived in Manhattan a few decades ago, I used to LOVE the famous Halloween parade in Greenwich Village, which was some of the most fun you could have in NYC at the time for free. But these days I'm just as happy having a quiet evening in with my husband. We do buy candy and even dress up sometimes to greet young trick or treaters, but that's mostly because I'd hate to disappoint the kids. Thanks again for the chuckles! :D

    • Lorelei Cohen profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 

      5 years ago from Canada

      These really is cute but I do love Halloween. Oh except for one year when a group of mentally disabled men from the center up the street from me scared the living heck right out of me. Seeing a 6 foot 4 man at your door with a group of other men all in costume behind him can be extremely scary till you catch on to who they are. I thought I was a goner.

    • Nancy Hardin profile image

      Nancy Carol Brown Hardin 

      5 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      I laughed! Years ago when I still had kids at home, I bought into the entire holiday. We decorated our outside with the appropriate webs, spiders and hanging bats. We even had a stuffed, homemade old man sitting in a chair....kids would approach timidly, thinking he was real. But as my kids grew up and left home, Halloween became sort of a nothing day. Now we lock our gate, turn out our outside lights, and pretend it isn't happening! So far, it's worked! I don't even write lenses about Halloween...I've been here 3-plus years, and I have two, count 'em, 2 lenses that are Halloween oriented. Just isn't my thing any more. Fun lens, thanks for sharing your methods for eliminating Halloween from your life!

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