ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

10 years old

Updated on August 10, 2017

10 years old

You dont understand my pain ..

Nights spent out in the rain

Lost and confused

Alone and dazed

My only comfort was haze

I still remember that sweet smell

The only thing to make me forget my suburban comforting like the thought of feeling at home ,

a feeling i still yearn for every day tryna take it day by day

I used to ponder profound thoughts at the age of ten.

It's not that big of a number if you really think about it...

I know I did.

And i cant refrain

from reminiscing about

Nights spent out in the rain

Trying to understand my pain

And I'm guess at this point you may be confused but you see this is very much a story of being abused , mislead and used.

And I know these things cant be undone

But it bothers me

Cause i dead think these niggas thought it was all fun...

And even though my heart was shattered like fragile thin glass

I was never done

i think I like the pain

And sitting out in the rain

Crying tears of distain

Instead of elevating my soul to a higher plain......

Or maybe its cause my sisters father used to smack me around

And punish me if i made a sound

Heavy hands like giant mallets

I can still recall the point of impact

I tried so hard not to cry

But this time i let out a sigh....

The only thing worse than not being a man and showing signs of pain is expressing relief as if it was about to end

NO !!! Not till I bend

and BREAK....

No showing signs of will just my little body lying still.

I imagine you just felt that chill...

Could you blame a child for wanting to kill....

For feeling rage and hate and always being irate

That man does not deserve a clean slate

He is the root of all this hate

The thought makes my heart beat at a fast rate like a blood lust type rage

but its time to turn the page

And maybe thats why

I sought out love

Like an addict seeks a drug

I needed my fix

Settling for guys

that brought tears to my eyes

Endless streams covering my face

Like salty diamonds

Hidden as I stand alone in the rain

Consumed by this pain

Lost and confused

I smoke my haze to the face

But the thoughts wont end

Im stuck in this place

and it fills me with dread

How bad i want this man dead

I see the knife in my hand

And I'm standing over this man

I cant stop myself

I stab with one quick jab

It feels good and i keep on going

Again and again ....again...again..again

I watch the crimson pool grow

Under his cold lifeless body

But I still feel this distain

Cause he still doesn't know my pain

Those were my thoughts as a child

He broke my spirit and bent my will

Now I'm just another BROKEN person seeking love in other BROKEN people....

Alone in the rain

I ease my pain

With thoughts of this man being slain,

I become numb ......

© 2017 Malik Sierra


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)