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Almost 51 Terrible Jokes

Updated on June 21, 2016

Some jokes are good, some are bad, and some are just terrible. Here are some really awful jokes that may very well frustrate you with their terrible-ness. In case you for some reason want even more pitiful humor, please see 47 Things Not To Do While Driving.

When is a paper not a paper?

When it's turned into the teacher.

What do termites like for breakfast?


What does a hot dog salesman do when he is having fun?

He relishes it.

The Association for the donation of Blood will now be known as the IV league.

What do you call a cobra playright?


How do (prisoners, fish, your nasal passages) communicate across long distances?

Cell-phone, Shell-Phone, Smell Phone

Why did the skinny girl have so much Mass?

Because she was Catholic.

What do attorneys wear to work?

Law suits

Batman got run over. Now he's flatman.

Where do Sith Lords shop?

The Darth Mall.

What did the police officer say to the man who was mauled by a jacket?

You're under a-vest!

How do you make a moron think he's a paper plate?

Tell him he's a paper plate.

Doctor! Doctor! I've swallowed a roll of film!

Let's hope nothing develops.

How do you catch an angry moose?

With an angry moose trap, of course.

That florist is terrible at his job.

He's a blooming idiot.

How does a shooter write a formal letter?

A snipewriter.

Why did everyone throw hot bread at the newlywed couple?

A guest proposed a toast.

Someone said you sound like an owl...


Why don't seagulls fly over San Francisco Bay?

Then they'd be bay gulls.

Who is very specfic about their choice in bubble gum?

Those who are chew-sy.

-Doctor my husband thinks he's a refrigerator. -I can work with him on that. But what's so bad about him being a refrigerator?

He sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps my awake.

The lawyer finally decided on a name for his daughter. Sue.

The word you need to win the spelling bee is "Hippopotamus." Spell it.


Where do one legged waitresses work


What did the one hat say to the other?

Stay here. I'll go on a-head.

Person 1: I'm writing with a broken pencil.

Person 2: That's pointless!

How do Oysters clean hockey rinks?


Why did the author kill himself?

He wanted to be a ghost writer.

Person 1: Why didn't you wake up for the funeral?

Person 2: I'm not really a mourning person.

What did the cheating melon say to his angry wife?

Please Honeydew not leave me!

Why didn't Cinderella make the Softball team?

She always runs away from the ball.

Why did the idiot wear metal clothing?

He wanted to be a chick magnet.

Why do you say "bonjour" to the entrance?

When it's a French Door.

Why did the man donate to the aetheists?

They're a non-prophet organization.

Why did the jury have to close their eyes?

Justice is supposed to be blind.

What a call a fibbing light fixture?

A Chande-liar!

What did the mean whale say to the tiny fish?

I'm going to krill you!

Person 1: Why does he always wear cookware on his head?

(Version 1)Person 2: He's a pothead.

(Version 2)Person 2: He like to have a pan-oramnic view.

What beverage is made from the common cold?


Why did the customer yell at his dessert?

It was Ice-scream

What did the boy candle say to the girl candle?

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

Why did the boy get stabbed while he was making a poster?

He was using a sharpie

What do you call corn spilled in a redneck's lap?

Corn on the slob.

What do you call a non-existent Holiday Inn?

A faux-tel

What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburned penguin, a sunburned zebra, a sunburned bengal tiger, any of the afformentioned animals which have diaper a rash, are in a blender, or bleeding.

Or a newspaper.

What did I tell you? They were bad weren't they. Which was the worst? Leave a comment below and voice your opinion, or better yet, submit your own terrible joke!


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    • profile image

      mee :) 4 years ago

      those jokes were painful

    • profile image

      Garry Squire 5 years ago

      smashing wee jokes