Gerald (Gerry) Glenn Jones: He Wore Silver and Gold - Naked People in the Swimming Pool
After being a St. Louis County Police Officer for several years, I took on an extra job working security for the Stonegate Apartment Complex, in Valley Park, Missouri, where I lived with my wife and small daughter. I received a cut on my rent from the complex for this position. My duties there entailed dealing with loud noise complaints, walking the complex in search of possible burglars, and any other offenses.
Rules Are Rules
It was usually quite at Stonegate, so I had a fairly easy job most of the time. However, there were times when I would get a phone call or several phones calls after going to bed and would have to get up, get dressed and deal with the problem, which I could usually handle by telling people to turn their radios down or asking them to keep a party quiet or other things along that line. Another one of my duties was to make sure no one got into the apartment complex swimming pool after 10 p.m. when the pool closed. Usually, it was kids from the area that converged on the pool after hours, and I could usually tell them to leave and they would do so without causing further problems, but sometimes people wanted to be contrary, especially if they had a few beers in them and felt cocky.
If I Got in There Naked, I Would Have to Arrest Myself
Our apartment was on the third level and overlooked the pool. On a particularly hot Saturday night I was awakened by my wife, who said there were some people in the pool. I asked her why she had looked out, knowing I had to be at work at 6:30 a.m. the next morning. She snidely reminded me it was my job, and I should handle it.
Disgruntled, I got out of bed, got dressed, and headed for the pool. I had on civilian clothes but carried my gun, badge, and ID with me. As I got close to the pool, I identified myself as a police officer to the three men and three women, who were swimming. I also told them they had to get out of the pool.
I was immediately informed by one of the young ladies that she lived in the complex and had every right to be in the pool. I informed her that even though she lived there, she was violating the law by trespassing in the pool after hours. She just looked at me and said, "why don't you come in with us?" I slyly responded to this by saying, "If I got into the pool, I would have to arrest myself, and my Lt. wouldn't be happy when I didn't show up the next morning because I had hauled myself off to jail, and it's hard to drive while wearing handcuffs. They all thought this was funny.
They Forced me to be More Aggressive
When I again told them to get out of the pool, the lady who said she lived there, started swimming on her back and said, "I'll do backstrokes for you if you'll let us stay in the pool." It was at that moment I realized they were all as naked as newborn babies.
After getting my composure, I told them if they didn't get out of the pool, I would charge them with trespassing and public nudity. I also told said I was walking back to my apartment, and they could get dressed before I looked back. One of them mumbled, "okay," and I walked slowly back to the stairs leading up to my apartment. After standing there with my back turned to them for about two minutes, I turned around and saw that the three men and two of the women had gotten out of the pool and put on their swimsuits, but one female was still in the pool. "Oh boy!" It was the heard-headed tenant.
I Was a Gentleman And Scholar; Believe it or Not (Well, Gentleman Anyway)
By this time I had gotten pretty perturbed, so I walked down to the pool and told the young woman that I had given her more chances than I normally do, and if she didn't get out and get dressed immediately, she would get a trip to jail. I also told her that I would turn my back while she got out and got dressed.
This was not smart either time because they all could have been ruthless serial-pool killers, but at that time, I was more afraid of what my wife would do if I stood there and watched them get out and put their clothes on. I decided it made better sense getting six knives trust into my back than one that might cause me to talk in a higher voice for the rest of my life.
Then The "Uh Oh" Happened
As I was standing there with my back to the last girl getting out of the pool, I talked with the others As I was doing this I looked up to see my wife looking down from the balcony of our apartment. As I was looking at my wife, her stare changed to pure terror, or maybe it was rage and I waited for the kill. I knew that the girl behind me must be about to plunge a long butcher's knife into my back; then the situation went from worst to that awful place beyond worst. I felt arms around me and the naked body of the last swimmer holding me close from behind.
Now you've got to understand, I know you think, "WOW," especially if you are a man, but at that time, I would have traded places with you, even if you were alone, defenseless, and surrounded by 500 cannibals.
Even though I was under immense stress, and being the professional ("sure," you say,) I kept my composure and said, "lady you've got my attention, but you've also got my wife's attention." "She is watching me have fun, oh-oh-oh, I mean she sees what's happening." I pointed to the open curtain, where stood an enraged woman, who had already grown fangs and was waiting for me.
At that moment, my wife slung the balcony curtain closed, and the naked lady hurriedly released me and got dressed.
I Knew I Was in Trouble Even Though I'd Done Nothing Wrong
After the swimmers had left the pool area, I walked up the stairs (more like crawled). I was practicing my begging and seeking mercy before I had to face reality in my apartment. I knew I was really in trouble when I reached the door of our apartment and found it locked. My wife never locked me out; well not over two or three dozen times anyway.
After knocking and getting no response from inside, I used my key to open the door and found my wife, and her mother, who was visiting from Mississippi (add double scorn to my situation,) sitting on the couch staring at me with eyes that would cause Superman to whimper. I asked sheepishly, "what's wrong?" And no one spoke. I again asked, "what's wrong?" At which time my wife said, "I saw what happened down there!" I told her that I knew she saw what happened, but that I didn't do anything wrong.
She stared at me for what seemed like five minutes and said in a harsh voice, "Well, you didn't have to enjoy it!" Feeling my redemption, I replied with minor bravado, "Well, you didn't have to wake me up!"
Nothing else was said that night, and she was upset at me for several days. I couldn't even sleep on the couch; my mother-in-law had possession of it, and I didn't have a doghouse.
I don't ask for any sorrowful replies to what happened to me, "But, would you please pass the tissues."
© 2018 Gerry Glenn Jones