5 Hilarious Jokes - Just For Fun!
5 Funny Jokes
In a (so-far) vain attempt to break through my writer's block, I've decided to put down some of my favorite jokes!
These are jokes that I've heard from friends or read on the Internet, and every one made me laugh my a** off! Hope you have the same reaction!
The Pregnant Blond
blond woman comes running up to her best friend and begins jumping up
and down in
excitement. Not knowing what else to do, her friend starts jumping up
and down with her.
"Why are you so excited?" the friend asks.
"I just found out I'm pregnant!"
Knowing that she had been trying for a long time, the friend congratulates her.
"And it's not only one baby, it's twins!" the blond exclaims.
"Twins? That's great!" her friend says. "But how do you know so soon that it's going to be twins?"
"I bought a pregnancy test twin-pack at the drug store, and they both came back positive!"
A man walks into a bar with a six foot alligator in his arms. He places
it onto a table and proceeds to drop his pants and underwear.
"Who wants to see a trick?" he asks the people in the bar.
Everyone cheers and the man pries the gator's jaws open, revealing its long, sharp teeth.
"I'm going to place my 'gentleman's equipment' into this gator's mouth. He'll chomp down with his jaws and open them again without hurting me!"
The man proceeds to place his genitals into the gator's mouth. The gator chomps down and everyone gasps. After a moment the man takes a small billy club from his pocket and whacks the alligator hard on the head. The animal opens it mouth and the man shows off his unharmed junk.
"Anybody else want to try it?" he asks the amazed crowd.
A woman in the back of the bar comes forward and says, "I'll do it, but only if you promise not to hit me so hard on the head."
A prostitute walks up to a man in a bar and tells him, in her sexiest voice, "For $300 I'll do anything you want."
"Really?" the man responds. "Anything I want for $300?"
"Oh, yeah, baby. Anything!"
The man pulls three $100 bills from his wallet and slams them onto the bar.
"Deal! Here's $300 - go paint my house."
Three boys, aged 12, 8, and 5, sit down at the kitchen table for
breakfast. Their mom asks the oldest son, "What would you like for
"Not that f*cking French toast," the boy answers.
The mother reaches across the table and slaps his face.
"You go straight upstairs and wash your mouth out with soap, young man!"
As the oldest son leaves, the middle son exclaims, "Great, that's more f*ckin' French toast for me!"
The mother reaches over and slaps him in the face, even harder than the first boy.
"Go upstairs and join your brother!" she screams at him, then plops down into her chair, exasperated.
She looks to her youngest son and asks, "What would you like for breakfast, little guy?"
"Definitely not the f*cking French toast."
The Last One!
A man walks into a bar and sullenly takes a seat on one of the stools.
He tiredly asks the bartender for a pint.
The bartender places a cold pint of beer in front of the man. Before he can reach for the glass, a little foot-tall man jumps up onto the bar, grabs the man's beer and downs it in one gulp, then jumps back off the bar.
The man dejectedly asks for another pint, and the bartender brings it to him. Just as the man's hand is about to grasp the glass, the little guy jumps back up on the bar and chugs that beer, too.
"Okay, what's the deal?" the bartender asks them man as he brings him another beer.
As the little guy drinks that beer, too, the man answers.
"I was walking through the woods the other day and a leprechaun appeared. He told me he would grant me one wish. I wished for a twelve inch prick."
He points to the little guy finishing up the beer and says, "And this is what I got."
I hope you got a laugh from these!