ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

It's All Geek To Me...

Updated on January 11, 2012

Techno Geek...

This is, to some degree, a confession. I am that person with the iPad, that sits in Buckstars coffee emporium, hoping that people will notice how incredibly cool I am.

I may be the overweight, over fifty, guy in the Hawaiian shirt and graying beard, and as far from cool as Death Valley, but I have the latest techno thing, and am, thus, by osmosis, as cool as Steve Jobs. Hey, it may be a little sad but it works for me.

My latest toy was a gift from an amazing group of people, which adds to its value, but I have been a computer fruit fan since Apple met Mac. Somewhere in the garage sit various iterations of personal computers, from the classic with pre-color screen, dot matrix printers, and, I am the proud owner of an original click screen iPod (which still works!) and every other version since.

I don't know if it is the image, or the store, or the packaging, but you have to admit Apple cornered the market on cute. Now if something spends as much time with you as these electronic friends, it really needs to be cute. Sure, you might be the person who deliberately picks the ugly dog at the pound, but most of us fall for the doe-eyed puppy.

Cute has power over our heartstrings. Think honestly about your purchases, you went for practical and functional? Really? It is a fact that cars are bought by people who like that they have anthropomorphic happy faces. We'd all be driving different cars if we did it completely by logic. No, we go for looks, for color, for cup holders, but mostly we go for the image we think it portrays.

Advertisers know this and feed our need for luxury brands, with the hint of a suggestion that we deserve it somehow. Practical, says you buy the top of the line Toyota Avalon, however, you accept the bottomless of pit of debt in order to own the Lexus.

I may fancy myself as the pithy observer of life, but I am hopelessly adrift in this particular area. My weakness is whatever gizmo Steve says I need. I remember going into the technology temple at the local mall, with a very clear idea that the iPad was completely unnecessary in my life. I had a great laptop, the latest iPhone, what more could one want?

Then I picked it up. It felt so right, and that bright shiny screen coyly saying "touch me you big lug", so I did. And it worked, and I could do cool stuff, and it was extraordinarily cute. Time from “not need” to “need”, about one minute.

So, I guess I'm an addict. I lacked the finances to immediately purchase the little beasty, and I lacked the courage to explain to the human love of my life, why my credit card took yet another hit. So I waited.

Yes, good things come to those who wait. At the celebration of my "retirement" from the salt mines, my team, not large by any means, clubbed together to give me this new baby. Actually, they gave me someone else's to open and play with, but the real new baby came within a week, and the bonding began immediately.

Now I opened in the manner of a confession, so full disclosure is due. I'm sitting in Buckstars at this very moment, typing, confessing and drinking a skinny vanilla latte (not working as a diet plan btw) before I head off to the temple of technological fruitiness to buy a protective jacket for the baby.

I will not check out the new iPhone

I will not check out the new iPhone

I will not...

Dear Hub Reader

If you enjoy this hub, please check out my book,

Homo Domesticus; A Life Interrupted By Housework,

A collection of my best writings woven into a narrative on a very strange year in my life.

Available directly from:



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS


    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 7 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California


      As a fellow procrastinator I understand completely. The house never gets so clean as when something important actually needs to be done.

      As to sharing my hubs with your friends, thank you and bless you. Word of mouth, or whatever the e- term would be, is the highest of compliments.

      Have a wonderful, and productive day.


    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      Naw - didn't get done - am still trudging away on it, seizing every opportunity to duck my responsibility, which is my own choice to take, as I have for the past many years, usually effectively, though frequently no more efficiently! BI (before internet) back in 1996 and before, much of my computer time was spent posting EVERY penny spent, categorized nicely so as to sort out the quarter for a chocolate bite indulged in while waiting in the check-out line from the valid tax-related expenses. I didn't let this go more than a short time after getting to the computer after being out and about getting supplies, etc.

      Soon after my reluctantly getting internet and becoming an addict, though, it was pushed further and further out of sight and regular awareness. At first, I'd try to play catchup and post every penny ( I still saved/save every receipt- lol) periodically - then early in April, pushed on to August - now to October as the extension times are extended (probably means more revenues for more interest & penalties - which, knock on wood, so far I've avoided by doing enough in April to be sure the income was paid for (easier to keep up with, too)- so that my system could still run fairly smoothly. I could sort of rest on that knowing the remainder of the chore was to ferret out expenses which would mean getting some of that back!

      Then I began to heed my spouse's advice to only post the tax-related stuff. That bothered me because it would screw up balances in accounts, on credit card records on the computer, etc. But soon I just had no choice and began to scour through receipts (which I still labeled by hand as to amount, date, means of payment and what tax forms they related to, even to noting this on mixed receipts having chocolate bites & car maintenance products on the same ticket!

      Now sometimes I organize receipts, which I almost NEVER get posted to Quicken - and sometimes I can lay hands on them in nicely labeled manilla folders. Always - well almost - the regular statements from utilities, etc go right into the appropriate folders at time I get them, but I always hesitated to file them before posting till I accepted the horrid truth that I probably never will!

      Naturally all this disorganization and fragmentation of a once-well-oiled systematic process tends to discourage me from attacking the unavoidable task of getting the taxes done! It's so much more pleasant to do things I seem to be doing pretty well, things which also fill my soul and almost justify my time here taking up space and breathing precious air, which I never truly felt bookkeeping quite filled or justified.

      Oh - if only the powers that be would understand!! Perhaps my hubber friend Vagabond has embraced the only lifestyle available which gives him that freedom. He has no home except his RV, he goes and stays at free parks for the maximum time allowed and then moves on to the next one. He sees all the wonders of this vast country as he breathes is fresh air free from pollution, earns a little enough to pay for simple needs, possibly by working as a handyman in the places where he stays. His education is not wasted because he writes of the adventures he's experiencing first-hand every day, etc.

      One could be envious. Seems that the more we "have" - the more it "has" us.

      Thank you for the invitation to read the hub - I assure you that I will!! And probably will embark on another ChrisLincoln Marathon when I do!

      With your permission I would like to refer to your site on mine, and "by word of mouth - or typeset" recommend you to a bunch of hubber folks with much intellectual and even heart-felt 'GLUE" to have kept us loosely together off and on. Some especially outstanding writers seem to meet on each others' pages and newcomers who are either invited or who stumble across any of their/our hubs are welcomed and become as active as suits them. It's not a set-up 'network' but works like one. And of course - all voluntary so if one wants to participate in discussions or not - it's ok. Some of the folks are more compatible than others as is inevitable - but "sticky-wickets" are more the exception than the rule. I think you'd be an asset and you'd possibly benefit as well.

      Think so? - Let me know. I perceive you as being quite independent and not as a "needing" person. But this is an added advantage on Hubpages - worth considering.

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 7 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California


      I just posted a new hub, about my dad, the world's greatest technophobe in his day. I think you'd enjoy it.

      Thanks for going on a ChrisLincoln Hub Marathon today, I hope you still got done what you needed to do,


    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      I surely must check those out! I do have maternal English genes, but being a native Texan most of the - er - Britishness - has been drawled out of me. Plus her family got over here in time to participate in the war with King George, so - I'm game for it! :-)

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 7 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California


      If you need a change of pace, go to the Britbats and Uquets Hubs - unless you have English genes - as I happily poke fun at my homeland and its (many) foibles. Not even slightly Texas-y, or Ford Explorer-y. Should be a total escape.

      The iPad - do I need it? Not really. Do I love it? Heck yes.


    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 7 years ago from TEXAS

      You really are a mind-reader and space traveler, right?

      Remove the testosterone, the relatively young age, the disgusting paunch in the Hawaiian shirt, the urgent need to be cool, - then shift the scenario from Buckstars to the privacy of my house - and you've got - ME! Ultimate Techno Poser Granny! LOL. Even includes 4 domains and a huge website I built from scratch. hehe

      There is NO doubt I'm an addict! I'm an incurable techno-nut. The remains and entrails of past "gotta-have" PCs (both laptops & desktops), printers (portable & desk models - and obsolete inks for all of them), digital cameras, home networks, scanners, gadgets, softwares, manuals, floppies (both 5.25" and 3.5"), SyQuest cartridges & system, CDs (both rewritable and one-way) , external hard drives (portable & desk models), flash drives, Palm, iPod, iPhone and my newest acquisition I'm still breaking in - a 13" MacBook Pro. What a dousy! Whoo hoo! A far cry from that cumbersome first-ever PC I had - with the dual floppy drive-(one port for DOS to fire it up & one for the data). When the floppies were ejected, the machine was virtually dead meat. A Zenith SuperSport laptop - (if one's lap was sturdy) - which was very expensive in 1988 and very innovative and new. Made my husband's clumsy TI Professional desktop look like a relic! And I still have it, along with its original packing!! (the TI may be out in that garage somewhere for all I know! -But he went through several metamorphoses too.) These things don't even touch on other musical & audio-visual kinds of electronic equipment strewn around! I'm so embarrassed - as I should be!

      OK so I can hardly resist getting an iPad. I'm pretty ok with my old model iPod ( it has all my great old songs on it and I don't want them replaced with others) and my iPhone (only a 3G - but I'm not a big phone nut and my only really cool thing is a little texting to my grands and great-grands and an online admirer or two). But the iPhone screens, while an improvement over the previous cells I've had, aren't really big enough to accommodate a lot of good stuff. So an iPad would be just what I need (as Steve Jobs surely anticipated!). . . . tra-la. . . #-) But - I don't really leave home all that much - and usually only with my iPhone in case my car stalls somewhere. (Neither an Avalon nor a Lexus - just a plain ole 2002 Ford Explorer with less than 12000 miles and hardly a smudge on its engine.)

      What do I NEED with an iPad? I do NOT!! And I can NOT afford one. It would be the height of folly to even consider it - though it's fun to look online at 'em. heh heh

      Since my late husband was a collector of electronic memorabilia too which adds to the debris - there is an accumulation. No surprise! - LOL. Of course - it's no simple matter to dispose of most of this stuff once one has missed the brief life-span when resale might be a viable option!

      So - What were you saying, now? hahaha!

      I'm saying that you surely must have x-ray vision or something. I'm almost afraid to read any more of your articles. They're all talking about me and my foibles! haha

      (guilt is a terrible thing!)