60 moons, no wiser yet

Copyright© earthenwarehaven@gmail. all rights reserved June 07, 2013

This is a work of fiction and any similarity to any living or deceased person, a place, dog, or anything else is coincidencidental.

©

“Happy Birthday Mother!”

The room was not quite to capacity, but was full of my progeny. My two sons, one daughter, six grandchildren and one great grandchild filled the couch, love seat and kitchen chairs spread throughout the living room. The group was a painting of colorful and festive clothing, tall, short, young and middle age, blond, brown and redheads.

My daughter Magda was the hostess. The few times she took a break from perfecting the buffet she arranged, she would perch on the arm of the chair of her husband; Aaron. The years Magda spent incarcerated were far behind us, her husband remained steady and faithful to her and the family she loved.

Although it had been eight years, I could not help the ‘crawling fist’ feeling in my stomach that happened as beautiful Magda; or as everyone called her, Maggie stood above me, reaching for a hug and air kiss.

It had been a rock bottom experience for both of us. Talk about “co-dependent no more”. The last night Maggie was drunk in my presence, she sent me to the hospital where they were not sure I would survive.

The incident was not a shocking surprise; it had only been a matter of time before something like this happened.

Magda was the sweetest and most loving person you could meet; unless she was drunk. Then her buried anger would come out in full force. Before that fateful evening, I had somewhat distanced myself from Magda and Aaron, only because I did not want to be a part of their Dance Macabre any longer.

I can only now remember the phone call inviting me over that night nearly nine years earlier: “Mom, you never come and see us anymore. We are grilling out, and cleaned the swimming pool. Phyllis and Craig are going to bring their kids too. Come on out, we miss you, and the poms miss you too..” The four pomeranians clung to my feet and ankles the entire time I visited, they were some of my biggest fans.

I longed for my family, and missed her and Aaron, and the others as well, but it had become an increasingly volatile atmosphere as she and her husband spent more time in the bottle.

I went ahead, stopped by the store, grabbed a bunch of hamburger and hot dogs, some chips and sodas. The excitement at spending quality time with my family was growing. This would give me a chance to wear my new one-piece granny bathing suit. I looked forward to good family time, and I did miss my ankle bitting poms as well.

The twenty minute drive brought me into the driveway, where I did not see the barbeque grill going. No one was in the yard, or at the pool. As I headed up the stairs, I could hear the dogs going crazy, as they knew the sound of my car.

I started to knock on the door, and it was opened before my hand made contact. Magda greeted me with a hug clouded with the smell of booze and cigarettes. “Hey Mom, glad you could make it.” She slurred. Aaron jumped up from the couch, gave me a hug, and said, “I am going to go mow.” He brushed by and was out the door before I knew it.

Magda stood looking at the closed door Aaron had just exited. “Mom, he is so mean to me, you don’t even know. Look at my neck! See where he choked me?” Already my level of angst was rising. Using my instincts had kept me alive all these years, and I knew it was about to be a fight or flight situation.

Hey, let’s get these patties made, and get the grill going. I am ready to have a good time, how about you? “Mom, come over here and take a shot with me.” She had the bottle of bourbon in her hand while she wavered a bit, she didn’t miss the shot glasses.

The last thing I wanted to do was drink with her. “Common Mom, don’t be an ass like Aaron! Come and have a couple of shots with me.” The red flags and sirens were going off like a tornado warning. I asked when Craig and Phyllis and the kids were going to get there. Magda honed in on me. “I thought you came to visit us! Do you hate me? Aaron told me he hates me, are you and him planning on getting together?”

I felt the blood leave my face. I said, “how about that drink you offered me?” Magda smiled, but it was not a nice smile. “You hardly even drink Mom, what changed your mind? Why do you have that look on your face? You are so judgemental” The person looking at me was no longer my daughter, but an evil relative of Jim Beam. She turned to pour my drink; straight bourbon with a water-back. Her hand was gripping the neck of the bottle as she swung at me with all she had, and I remembered no more.

Four months later, I woke up in an intensive care ward. I was alone with white sheets, a railed bed, and muted lighting. I tuned into the sounds of beeps and hums...

Waking up in a strange place was one thing; not knowing my name or what State I lived in was worse. Probably a change in the monitors indicated a change in my body’s systems alerting the nurse on duty. She was wearing pastel sea green, and wore soft soled shoes.

“You are awake! Let me check you out, okay?” I wanted to ask questions, but my receptors did not fire as they once had. I mumbled out some words that did not sound like words. “My name is Lacy, I am your nurse for the night shift, and it is so good to see you with your eyes open. The Doctor is on her way, don’t go anywhere.” She smiled as she breezed out of the room. I had no strength to move, and my head felt as if it weighed a hundred pounds. I was not going any place soon. I did begin to hear snippets of conversation drifting in from my open door. “She is awake, she is awake. Call the jail and let Maggie know, call Aaron, and let him know. Call the rest of her family.”

When I heard the name Maggie, my heart did a flip-flop. Suddenly, my daughter’s angry face was all I could see. I still did not know my name, but the child I bore; I recognized her name. I became agitated, and as the Doctor entered the room, she noticed my vital signs were showing distress.

The Doctor looked me over, put her cool hand on my head, and said, “Welcome back Loren. It is so good to find you awake. I do not know what has you upset; perhaps you are remembering some things. I am going to give you a sedative so you can get some restful sleep. I will see you in the morning.” The Doctor had given me my first clue as to what my name was, and after wondering if she had an Australian or Irish accent, I drifted off to sleep.

“Mom, you know I love you right?” She bended over to hug me, and I smelled alcohol on her breath. I could not help my reaction. Eight years earlier Maggie and I had made a pact that I would not hold the past against her, and she would never drink again. I looked over at Aaron who would not meet my gaze.

It was my 60^th birthday celebration, but I had to go, I had to get out of there asap. “Mom, what is wrong? Magda cried. “Why do you always judge Mom? Why can’t you just accept me for who I am?”

"I do baby, I do love you – Goodbye."