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Updated on January 11, 2012



Ok, ok, so I know I've been gone once again but with Good reason, our Search has ended...We have found the Condo of Our Dreams, now the FUN begins...Sounds Perfect doesn't it? Well NOT SO FAST...Here comes another Tale.

Well let me start off by saying we found a Lovely place in N. Palm Beach on a "Cul-de-Sac". It has everything on our "Check List". It's on the 4th floor, of a 5 story building, with a Beautiful view from the enclosed screened and glass "Lanai", which looks out on the Marina, and the Boats in the water. It has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, a combined Living Room, Dining Room, a Kitchen with a pass- through. When you open the front door, there is a screen door that allows you a breeze from the "InterCostal" across the way. There is also a nice pool and a quite, but stylish Club House. And we have a "Covered Parking Space"...A premium, since not all the Units have one. Can you just hear "Happy Music" playing in the background? Well NOT SO FAST, remember this is a b. Malin Hub, where ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

Of course NOTHING is PERFECT...and this particular Unit needs lots of WORK, a "Diamond in the Rough" as my mother would have said...And indeed it is! Where to start...The ceilings need to be painted. The Ceiling Fans have chain links, and to make matters worse, all the plugs have been CUT! There is a pretty "Crystal Chandelier" very "Art Deco" with a broken dimmer switch, which if not fixed could BLIND one with the Brightness of the candle look. Of course that's an Easy fix...The rugs are not Salvageable...we will probable go with a "Wood Pergo" look Flooring...with tile in the entrance-way and "Lanai". The Dish washer is BROKEN and the GarbageDisposal is Jammed...Oh I could go on, and on...Like telling you that when the Master bathroom "Commode" is Flushed, it LEAKS! And Someone is using our "Premium" PARKING SPACE! But still the View is to die for.

So yesterday, last night to be Exact, Loverman and I are reading the "Condo Documents". All seems to be normal and standard stuff, until we come to this part..."When leaving for the season";

To prevent "Sewer Rats" from entering your unit: Flush Toilet, put one cup of Clorox or Bleach in bowl. Cover Bowl TIGHTLY with Plastic Wrap, put the Seat Cover down, and place a HEAVY weight on the seat cover. I thought to myself, Like maybe the last person that the SEWER RAT KILLED!

LoverMan and I looked at one another...I SCREAMED! SEWER RATS!! And we called the Realtor, who assured us NO ONE in N. Palm Beach has ever complained about Sewer Rats, but they have to put that in, for "Snowbirds" who leave for the season, (that would be us) as a safety precaution. That night I dreamt about Sewer Rats...Not a pleasant dream.

The next day we went back to see the Condo with the View you could die for... And Hopefully we won't...It was all ours, now the fix up would begin, after closing...I walked into the Master Bedroom and went into the Bathroom and peered into the bowl...all was quite and clear and clean...

I went to find Loverman who was standing out on the "Lanai" looking at the view, the view you could DIE for when he said, "Look, look at the swirling motion in the water, I think it's a "Manatee"...Which it was, we kissed and he said, "let's eat out to Celebrate...Do you want to use the Bathroom before we go"? "Nah, I'll wait till we get to the Restaurant". I answered. He smiled down at me, "you know you'll have to use it sometime". "I know, I know", I said, and then we both looked down to see the "Manatee" heading out of the Marina. And I thought to myself, I hope they eat "Sewer Rats".


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    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Ha, we used to take old "Charles Chips" tin cans, cut two holes near the top (well, our Dad's did this), run rope through so we can hang them on our shoulders and use them to pee in when we went camping. The tins are like the popcorn tins you see nowadays. Now of course, these were to carry our "stuff" in and also to sit on around a camp fire ~ but when we went camping and were afraid to go to the "outhouse", we used our sit upons to you know . . .

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hi Sharyn, you are only hearing a Fraction of what is going on...But I am Happy to report, we will Close on Thursday, then the Real Work begins!

      No, I've never heard of a "sit upon"? and I was a Girl Scout, way back when...So if you come to visit, you'll have to bring it, but meanwhile, WHAT IS IT!

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Hey B,

      I'm late :) But now I have a clear understanding of all you have going on. Best of luck with all the work. It totally sounds like it is worth it! And if I ever came to visit, I would be sure to bring my Girl Scouts "sit upon", heard of them? ha


    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Oh James, now you're Scaring me...but Hopefully, we won't see any. The Condo is in a Great location, just needs some TLC...So I'm optimistic!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hi Colin, it's been hard to keep up, we bought the Condo with the View, and are now waiting for a closing's complicated, and so I'm not on Hub Pages as much as I was...Hopefully I will get back more often, but for now it's at least once a week. Thanks for thinking of me, likewise, I always think of you, be well.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

      I would say you are blessed to have found such a lovely setting to live in. They do have rats in Florida. In fact, it is the only place I have ever actually seen a rat—and I saw lots of them down there. But it is lovely . . . with a view to die for. :-)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ...just dropped by to say hello to you my longtime friend and esteemed colleague here at the Hub - I have been thinking of you over the past winter and sincerely hope all is well for you at your winter home- I am sending warm wishes from cold Canada here by the lake - lol - at lake erie time ontario 7:45pm

      Keep in touch and please continue to write from your beautiful heart and mind ....

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Thanks TimeTraver2, of course you know I write a lot of "Tongue in Cheek Humor". But naturally I hope it stays that way...or I am so out of there! Thanks for stopping by, I'll be by to visit your hopes too.

    • TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

      Sondra Rochelle 6 years ago from USA

      Sewer rats are common in Florida, but you don't see them often. We also live in a condo and have had rats in the community. We also have an exterminator on call who quickly gets rid of them. Cute hub!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      So True Bobbi, so we are trying to change the "closing date" to the end of the week, so we can get started fixing up "Our Dream". So glad you Enjoyed my Hub and Thanks so much for wishing us Happiness.

    • BobbiRant profile image

      BobbiRant 6 years ago from New York

      Finding Anything of your dreams, these days, is a big accomplishment. Great hub, enjoyed reading it. Here's to your continued happiness.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hi Drbj, sorry to Alarm you...and if it will put your mind at rest, the Updated "Condo Docs" do NOT mention RATS either... HOWEVER, they say if you are a "Snowbird" turn off the water, close the lid, and WRAP the toilet in Plastic Wrap, when you leave for the season...

      Hi Minnetonka Twin, I'm a LAUGH a minute when it come to this subject, but seriously, I'm hoping for the Best, and no one I spoke to ever had a problem...

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

      I'm laughing with all the paranoia going on now with those in condos. I do hope your dream condo is great and you never have to deal with a rat. Your sense of humor is very uplifting and refreshing.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Hi. b. I am one of those fortunate people who already live in a condo with an ocean view and I was perfectly content and happy until I read this information. I dug out my own condo docs and there was no mention of sewer rats whatsoever. But the thought and worry persists. Is there no mention because there are none in this vicinity, or because no member of the condo administration cares to cite this problem. I worry that I may have to give the Pied Piper a call. :)

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Why Thank You Htodd, I'm so Glad you Enjoyed, and thanks for stopping by to Comment.

    • htodd profile image

      htodd 6 years ago from United States

      This is really great stuff..Thanks for writing

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hi Fiddleman, No I don't, and believe me I am HAPPY about the weather here...A cold front here is anything below 50 and sometimes 60...too much! I shall give your regards to the man.

      Mmm, The View to Die for...Hopefully not at least for the next 100 years...Hey, Mckbirdbks, I can Dream can't I? Thanks for your well wishes.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      This is funny, and then again, not. Good luck. You know a view to die for is an expression, right? lol

    • profile image

      Fiddleman 6 years ago

      Well at least you don't have to hit the trail and find a frosty seat this time of year. Great write, give my regards to loverman.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hi Lyric, No PETS allowed...However I think someone put "Rats" in the original Condo Dockets just to see if Anyone would notice or even read that far...Well I did. Now the new Condo Dockets Do not Mention who knows! Anyway thanks for your Wonderful Comments.

      Hi Leni Sands, so glad you got a Laugh or two, and I was able to Cheer your day. Thanks for the Vote as well.

      Hi Nell, It's going to be Wonderful, when the WORK is done. Thanks so much for your well wishes, and your Funny Comments...Yes, in the End, it's the VIEW that counts!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

      Hi, that sounds perfect! apart from having those things to fix, and maybe a few rats joining your for supper, who cares? lol! I have always said, its the view that counts and not the house. I have lived in so many places, and it has always had one or the other, horrible house, nice view, or nice house with horrible view! seriously though, good luck with your new place, you lucky thing!

    • leni sands profile image

      Leni Sands 6 years ago from UK

      Congrats on your condo all the best with it, don't worry about those furry fiends (lol). Another fabulously funny and interesting hub to cheer my day. Voted up funny awesome and interesting...

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 6 years ago from West Virginia

      Voted up, awesome, and funny. Well, glad you have finally found a great place b Malin. Hopefully no more worries, but then again, the rats? I give them credit though, they put it in writing. I really have heard of rats coming through toilets, but it would all depend on the size of the pipes. Perhaps you can buy a cat? Just in case. Just hope it doesn't happen when your on the pot. In this case, flush before and You have a great personality b Malin. It shines when you writer your stories. Hope everything goes your way and best wishes to you both. Take care and enjoy the weather!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      And Just when I was beginning NOT to think about it Dexter....Thanks A LOT...But seriously, another neighbor there said maybe the first set of " Condo Dockets" had it as a Joke, because the new ones did not Mention them...So Glad you Enjoyed!

      Breakfastpops, I doubt that I will Either! But Everyone there is saying, they've never had a problem...but still I keep looking before I...YOU KNOW!

      I Loved your Comments Rosemay, "Sipping Wine and watching the Manatee"...I could see us doing that...LoverMan is so Happy with the view! AW RATS to those RATS although everyone Laughed and said No I'm going to believe them!

      Oh Gail, this Condo is sure to be one Fun Hub between all that work, but so worth it! Thanks for Enjoying the Humor and of course your Vote!

      Hi "Always Exploring" The word "Lanai" also cracked me up when I first heard it, but that's what they call them here. I've always called them "Terraces or Balconies". I'm so please my Hub made you Laugh, and Yes, it's so good to be South in the Winter time!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Hi Movie Master, the View is Beautiful and I Love the Manatee's, and today's "Updated Condo Dockets" have LEFT OUT the Famous "Rat" line..Maybe it was a "test" to see if anyone really reads them! Thanks for your well wishes.

      Yes Alicia, it does need WORK, but it will be well worth the Effort. Thanks for your Comments.

      Hi Alocsin, Thank You so much for your Comments and of course your UP Vote!

      Hi Flora, yes, Money is going to be spent, but we feel we got such a Good buy that it will be worth it to fix it up. The screens on our Balcony probably need to be Replaced, not sure if the Condo Assoc. does it or we do. No one has ever seen any RATS, so I'm breathing a little easier and the new Dockets do NOT mention

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      HaHaHaHa, This cracked me up. When you mention the " Lanai " It brought back memories of 'The Golden Girls'. I envy you, you're out of the cold for the winter. Good luck with the renovation..I have this feeling we will hear all about it..I hope so..I do enjoy your witty writing..Thank you..

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 6 years ago from South Carolina

      Sounds like you'll be busy with renovations and decorating the next few months which should be fodder for many more fun hubs like this one.

      Congratulations on your new purchase. It should be fabulous by the time you're done fixing it up.

      Voted up across the board. I so love your humorous style of writing.

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 6 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      I always enjoy reading your hubs, you have a wonderful way of writing.

      Congrats of finding a condo with a great view. A lot of work but it will be worth it. Sitting sipping wine while watching the Manatee, what more could one ask for.

      As for the rats, you can get ultrasonic sound machines to keep them away, or you could just sit on the loo and sing. Lol

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Congratulations. I don't mean to laugh, but I can't help It. It's funny, you're funny, in fact, you're very funny. I don't think I will ever look at a toilet the same way again!

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image

      Dexter Yarbrough 6 years ago from United States

      Hi b. Malin! Of course, this is really funny - until you are actually staring at a rat in your toilet! Ha ha ha!!! Just think, every time you have to go - no matter where - you will think about sewer rats. Why? Because you now have me thinking about them! Ha ha ha!!

      You and "loverman" will enjoy your condo! I'm sure! Fantastic story!

    • FloraBreenRobison profile image

      FloraBreenRobison 6 years ago

      Sewer rats! Ugh. Well, if you lived in New York City you would have those and cockroaches no matter what part of the city for sure - year round.

      Location near amenities was a big issue for me when choosing a home since I do not drive. My condo needs a new balcony, but the balconies do not belong to us - they belong to the strata, so it will be paid for out of the strata funds. But there are some things that do need fixing. Oh, dear. The money required...

    • alocsin profile image

      alocsin 6 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Beautiful work, as always. I hope the manatee comes back as part of your view. Voting this Up and Beautiful.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Good luck with the condo, b. Malin. It sounds like it's going to need some work to fix its problems, but it also sounds that the work will be well worth while!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      This condo sounds perfect!!! ok so there may be sewer rats... but think view, think Manatee - WOW!

      Seriously, fingers crossed I really hope everything works out ok for you and loverman. All the best MM