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A CONFIDANT

Updated on March 14, 2019

All my life, all I ever wanted was a confidant. Someone I could just confide in, someone I'd just be sure I can trust without question. Someone to just look me in the eye and not lie to me.
.
I haven't searched for that person really cause that's just too much to ask from anybody, even my own self. Sometimes I lie to myself that am okay, that everything is gonna work out sometime, that I'll be fine. And that hurts. Hurts more than knowing that I'll have to die someday.
.
I have to say ,since you came into my life, am a little bit changed. A little bit less sad than before. With a little less on my mind. I actually can say that life's taking me well now. Like am at the place I always wanted to be at.
.
I know am not perfect, am more than a million miles from that. I know that sometime I still go back to the old me and seem like am forgetting your existence. I know sometimes, well most of the time, am a pain stronger than a heartache . I know sometimes you wish you hadn't met me. I understand how you feel.
If I were you I'd feel exactly the same.
.
I just want you to know that I love you, I appreciate everything you've been through just to make me happy, I appreciate you checking up on me though I rarely reciprocate it.
Am just overwhelmed by the fact that you still chose to stay after seeing how messed up I can be. Am still trying to convince myself that am not dreaming.
I haven't met anyone that would be willing to stand with me in a while. I haven't met someone who actually, truly, believes in me. Am still trying to accept that am not alone now. Am still adjusting . Transisting from the old times.
.
I really didn't have to try hard finding you, you've always been there. I just wasn't paying attention.
..
And I want you to know that you mean the whole world to me.
You've rekindled a sense of belonging and love in my life once again.
You strode in and gave me hope when I had none.
You actually gave me a reason to live, a reason to want to wake up everyday and be hopeful for the best.
You've awoken a part of me that was slowly dying...
And I pray that you never get tired of holding my hand and giving me hope . I pray that I don't ever do something stupid to make you walk away.

. I promise to stand by you to. I promise that I'll be at my best behaviour so you don't have to leave.
.
.
I'll do my best to make you proud. I'll do my best to make you stay. I'll do my best to reciprocate what you've done.

...
.... Inkmade. ™

© 2019 Amani Utembu

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    • Brenda Arledge profile image

      BRENDA ARLEDGE 

      12 months ago from Washington Court House

      I love it.

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