All my life, all I ever wanted was a confidant. Someone I could just confide in, someone I'd just be sure I can trust without question. Someone to just look me in the eye and not lie to me.
I haven't searched for that person really cause that's just too much to ask from anybody, even my own self. Sometimes I lie to myself that am okay, that everything is gonna work out sometime, that I'll be fine. And that hurts. Hurts more than knowing that I'll have to die someday.
I have to say ,since you came into my life, am a little bit changed. A little bit less sad than before. With a little less on my mind. I actually can say that life's taking me well now. Like am at the place I always wanted to be at.
I know am not perfect, am more than a million miles from that. I know that sometime I still go back to the old me and seem like am forgetting your existence. I know sometimes, well most of the time, am a pain stronger than a heartache . I know sometimes you wish you hadn't met me. I understand how you feel.
If I were you I'd feel exactly the same.
I just want you to know that I love you, I appreciate everything you've been through just to make me happy, I appreciate you checking up on me though I rarely reciprocate it.
Am just overwhelmed by the fact that you still chose to stay after seeing how messed up I can be. Am still trying to convince myself that am not dreaming.
I haven't met anyone that would be willing to stand with me in a while. I haven't met someone who actually, truly, believes in me. Am still trying to accept that am not alone now. Am still adjusting . Transisting from the old times.
I really didn't have to try hard finding you, you've always been there. I just wasn't paying attention.
And I want you to know that you mean the whole world to me.
You've rekindled a sense of belonging and love in my life once again.
You strode in and gave me hope when I had none.
You actually gave me a reason to live, a reason to want to wake up everyday and be hopeful for the best.
You've awoken a part of me that was slowly dying...
And I pray that you never get tired of holding my hand and giving me hope . I pray that I don't ever do something stupid to make you walk away.
. I promise to stand by you to. I promise that I'll be at my best behaviour so you don't have to leave.
I'll do my best to make you proud. I'll do my best to make you stay. I'll do my best to reciprocate what you've done.
.... Inkmade. ™
© 2019 Amani Utembu