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A Cold Decision

Updated on December 13, 2011

The background story of this poem is that I was in foster care from the age of 3 to 18. For the most of that time I was in the same foster home with the same family for a little more than 12 years. My sister and I had grown up there with them, they were literally our family. What happened was that my foster parent's license, to do foster care, was needing to be renewed, as they do annually. But since they were getting old and my younger sister and I were "becoming too much to handle" they chose to discontinue their license and let me and her go. My sister and i were split up to different houses for the first time in our lives. This was a couple months before school started as I recall. But this big change didn't really hit me until around Christmas time that year. I felt like I was abandoned by my family. Now that Christmas is coming around again I am reflecting upon everything that's happened since then. This poem is my depiction of what happened last year and how i feel about it...

I remember that time
A little more that a year ago
When my foster mom made that choice
To give up, and let us go
She says it wasn't like that
But she doesn't know
How cold it was
To leave us out in the snow
My sister struggled the years before that
And I did so too
But my sister struggled more
And my foster mom knew.
But she couldn't take it any longer
So she chose to say bye
Now my heart is rock when it comes to this.
I feel so many emotions
Yet I can't even cry.
I still wonder why.
Why she didn't wait a couple months
Just a little longer.
Instead she showed us out
Without a whisper or a shout.
Just me and my sister.
My silence, her tears.
My foster mom's choice.
The greatest of our fears.
She doesn't know how hard it was.
Such a big change for us two.
No longer together
When it comes to miles
It's a lot more than a few.
Me and and my sister split up.
For once in our lives.
We missed each other
And something was missing.
Like a butcher without his knives.
Yes, us two, partners in crime.
But together we were better.
I couldn't be the big brother I wanted to be.
Not fufilling my role as the eldest Lee.
All these changes so soon in our lives.
All because if that decision.
Made by my old foster mom.
And no, I don't blame her just one bit.
I know my sister and I were more than a fit.
But we needed more than they gave us.
A better father. A more attentive mother.
But who has the best parents nowadays?
None of them are perfect
A flaw in each of their ways.
So I know I couldn't have asked for more,
But if it was up to me...
I would have made the same decision
My foster mom made before.

Because my life is what it is now...
Everything happens for a reason.
So I just go with the flow.
And embrace every season.


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    • ilymsvicky profile image

      ilymsvicky 5 years ago from Long Beach

      Such a moving poem. I can't even imagine how hard it was must have been for you and your sister to be separated from each other. Did you and your sister ever reunited? I hope so. I know that blaming your foster parent's isn't the answer but I think they could have definitely handled the situation better.

    • rjsadowski profile image

      rjsadowski 5 years ago

      A beautiful but sad story. It reminds me of my own two daughters, both Russian orphans and what they went through. I write about it in "A Tale of Two Sisters". I hope that you and your sister have found a better home too.

    • Irell VL profile image

      Irell VL 5 years ago

      Thanks boo ;) I love you too

    • sssuuunnnyyy profile image

      Sydney J 5 years ago

      Irell, this is simply amazing. I could feel what you are feeling/felt. I felt like I was in your shoes. It was like I was taken out of my own world for just a little bit and it opened my eyes more. Very nice, I love you :-)

    • Irell VL profile image

      Irell VL 5 years ago

      Instead of thinking about how different my life would be if I would've made this choice or not have made that mistake in the past, I think about what choices I can make and things I can do to make my future better. Using my past to propel me to perservere to fufill my goals until the end. #livingmylife