A Kitchen Mystery: What's that Smell?

You ever come home and something is just not right? Something is a little funky in your kitchen and not in a funky-let's-dance-kinda-way. There is an ungodly odor and there is no telling what is causing it. Now an investigation must ensue. You look everywhere: in the trash, behind the fridge, in the cabinets, and anywhere else.  What's that smell?

Let's take a moment to explore all of the stinky options. Maybe we need to think outside the box on this one. And maybe I need to stop using terrible cliches like "think outside the box." That is so last decade.

1. Dead body. This is not very likely. Whenever I go on a crazed killing spree, I bury the bodies outside. It is just the right thing to do. Oh wait. Were we talking about a dead mouse? Oh yeah. That is what I meant.

2. Mutant rotten food. Sometimes those once yummy potatoes take on a life of their own. Rotten potatoes are super scary! Things start to grow from them. It is like something out of a horror movie.

3. Zombies. I figured since zombies are so popular right now, why not? Who is to say a zombie did not walk in while I was at work and somehow crumble apart in the kitchen? Of course, there should be some evidence of that, but what do I know about zombies? And why is this section full of questions?

4. A practical joke. Maybe one of the maintenance dudes in my apartment building thought it would be funny to put a rotten egg under a cabinet, and obviously, I would not be able to get to it. You never know!

5. A kitchen appliance revolution. Perhaps all the appliances in the U.S. decided they were not going to take it anymore. Maybe somehow each appliance decided to start emitting a super funky odor to get rid of humans from the kitchen. It is all part of a bigger conspiracy so electronics can take over the planet and it starts here. Is anyone else experiencing this? I will try not to panic yet.

6. Charlie Sheen. He seems to be responsible for everything else that has gone wrong recently, so why not add him to the list?

7. Garbage disposal gone wrong. Perhaps something horrible is living in the garbage disposal right now. It could totally happen. I am going to run it as soon as I tear myself away from this computer. Goodbye to whatever monster is lurking in there!

So, it turns out the trash just needed to go out. Also, there was some old bologna in the fridge. Both are gone and all is back to normal. Whew! I was starting to get worried. I hope you've enjoyed my kitchen odor adventure. Always remember, when it happens to you - do not panic! The kitchen will eventually smell lovely again. If not, that is why they make scented candles, Lysol, and Febreze. Good luck with that.