ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

A Kitchen Mystery: What's that Smell?

Updated on August 21, 2011
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

There's something a little funky in here.

You ever come home and something is just not right? Something is a little funky in your kitchen and not in a funky-let's-dance-kinda-way. There is an ungodly odor and there is no telling what is causing it. Now an investigation must ensue. You look everywhere: in the trash, behind the fridge, in the cabinets, and anywhere else.  What's that smell?

Let's take a moment to explore all of the stinky options. Maybe we need to think outside the box on this one. And maybe I need to stop using terrible cliches like "think outside the box." That is so last decade.

A list of possible stinky sources:

1. Dead body. This is not very likely. Whenever I go on a crazed killing spree, I bury the bodies outside. It is just the right thing to do. Oh wait. Were we talking about a dead mouse? Oh yeah. That is what I meant.

2. Mutant rotten food. Sometimes those once yummy potatoes take on a life of their own. Rotten potatoes are super scary! Things start to grow from them. It is like something out of a horror movie.

3. Zombies. I figured since zombies are so popular right now, why not? Who is to say a zombie did not walk in while I was at work and somehow crumble apart in the kitchen? Of course, there should be some evidence of that, but what do I know about zombies? And why is this section full of questions?

4. A practical joke. Maybe one of the maintenance dudes in my apartment building thought it would be funny to put a rotten egg under a cabinet, and obviously, I would not be able to get to it. You never know!

5. A kitchen appliance revolution. Perhaps all the appliances in the U.S. decided they were not going to take it anymore. Maybe somehow each appliance decided to start emitting a super funky odor to get rid of humans from the kitchen. It is all part of a bigger conspiracy so electronics can take over the planet and it starts here. Is anyone else experiencing this? I will try not to panic yet.

6. Charlie Sheen. He seems to be responsible for everything else that has gone wrong recently, so why not add him to the list?

7. Garbage disposal gone wrong. Perhaps something horrible is living in the garbage disposal right now. It could totally happen. I am going to run it as soon as I tear myself away from this computer. Goodbye to whatever monster is lurking in there!

 

The end... or is it?

So, it turns out the trash just needed to go out. Also, there was some old bologna in the fridge. Both are gone and all is back to normal. Whew! I was starting to get worried. I hope you've enjoyed my kitchen odor adventure. Always remember, when it happens to you - do not panic! The kitchen will eventually smell lovely again. If not, that is why they make scented candles, Lysol, and Febreze. Good luck with that.

 

 

A Funky Poll

Is your kitchen a little smelly?

See results

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    The lemon slice in the garbage disposal sounds like a great idea. I will have to try that, too. Thanks for the advice! I've also found a lemon lavendar candle from Yankee Candle can solve a lot of odor issues, too. Thanks for the comment!

  • watergeek profile image

    watergeek 5 years ago from Pasadena CA

    My smells come from trash, garbage disposal, and fridge in that order. I catch them when they're small, cause my nose is pretty sensitive. Onions in trash always get bad quickly. I learned to wash out my canned fish cans before throwing them away, cause that smell can take over the whole house.

    For countering odors - once I've removed the culprits - I use a lemon slice in the garbage disposal and eucalyptus spray for the others. They both work well and don't cost much. Funny hub.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks so much! I still try to keep my dead bodies to a minimum. :-)

  • lambservant profile image

    Lori Colbo 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

    laughed out loud at the dead body. There was no hilarious button to click, so I had to be satisfied with funny.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for visiting my hub. And thanks to Hecate Horus! I know what you mean... potatoes can get so scary when they go bad! Thanks for the comment!

  • Civil War Bob profile image

    Civil War Bob 5 years ago from Glenside, Pennsylvania

    Good hub, Jeannie...voted up, interesting, funny, and "got here thanks to Hecate Horus"! Oh, you forgot to mention that those deteriorating potatoes HAVE EYES!!! They can see what you're going to do to them! Enjoy your day!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Oh, that sounds so disgusting. I can only imagine how bad that was. I can see how it happened though. I bought a new package of pepperoni, only used a little, and I still can't figure out where it went. The most I can figure out is I must have thrown it away by accident. I keep waiting for a terrible odor to solve the mystery for me, but it's never happened. Thanks for reading my hub!

  • Gemini Fox profile image

    Gemini Fox 5 years ago

    Lol - reminds of a time when we had a kitchen smell and couldn't figure out what it was either. Turns out that apparently one night my Mother was putting leftovers away after dinner, wasn't thinking, and put the left over zucchini and potatoes dish in the cupboard instead of the fridge. Days later . . . WOW! - no words for that smell!!!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Hahaha... yes, buried outside is the best way to go. ;-) My kitchen actually was pretty stinky today. Turns out, it was the trash can. Thanks for reading my hub and thanks for the comment!

  • Turtlewoman profile image

    Kim Lam 5 years ago from California

    We have something in common...I usually bury the dead bodies outside too lol. JK?

    My kitchen does smell sometimes, and it's usually my cooking!

    Nice hub!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I know what you mean. I've got a few stashed under my futon. Febreze isn't really helping anymore. ;-)

    Thanks for dropping by my hub!

  • Just Ask Susan profile image

    Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Funny hub! I love your sense of humor. I try to keep all my dead bodies in the freezer, but sometimes it gets pretty full :)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    If I ever have the opportunity visit you for some reason, I will remember never to open the refrigerator door. Hehe. My garbage disposal gives me problems. It is evil. Thanks for reading and for the comment!

  • imatellmuva profile image

    imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

    The refrigerator is the culprit in my house. It's the only way I can keep food in the house...the crap that know one will eat, cause' it's gone bad.

    The house smells fine...just don't open the refrigerator!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Garbage disposals are often the problem. Mine has its own set of issues sometimes. I bought a garbage disposal deodorizer once. I think it is time to find a new one. :-)

    Thanks for reading and thanks for sharing!!!

  • James Halpin profile image

    James Halpin 5 years ago from York, Pennsylvania

    Great Hub! When I was a kid we had a nasty smell in the kitchen. My mom had us clean the kitchen from top to bottom to no avail the smell remained. It did however make it easier to pinpoint the smell. It was the garbage disposal. There was an unknown substance growing new life in there. LOL! Great Hub as always.

  • Wolf lover14 profile image

    Wolf lover14 5 years ago from AR

    hahahahaha!!!!!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Yes, I always see the forensic guys using Vick's Vapor rub under their noses on TV. Guess it is pretty good to have that handy in an emergency situation. I will keep that in mind the next time I have some weird kitchen odors.

  • Kris Heeter profile image

    Kris Heeter 6 years ago from Indiana

    Jeannieinthebottle - at least I can chuckle about it now:) Now I can see why forensic specialists use Vick's Vapor rub under the nose! That was the only thing that got us through that night as we cleaned it out:)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    That sounds so awful! I can only imagine how terrible that smell must have been. At least it makes for an interesting story now though. Thanks for sharing!

  • Kris Heeter profile image

    Kris Heeter 6 years ago from Indiana

    Very entertaining:) I once came home from a wonderful and relaxing vacation (around midnight) to find this wretched smell in the kitchen that had spread to the rest of the house.

    It turns out that we had lost power to just part of the house, but it had included the kitchen. Everything in the 'fridge had gone bad (it was August with 90 degree weather).

    Ironically my cat could sense/smell it from outside - she started howling right before we opened the door to take her in that night.

    That's the closest thing to a dead body that I hope to ever experience! We ended up having to replace the whole 'fridge!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Yes, it is perfect to make the neighbors smell the bad odors rather than you. You can always try to blame it on them as well if the authorities arrive. Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment!

  • lambservant profile image

    Lori Colbo 6 years ago from Pacific Northwest

    I quit recycling a while back so I stuff my dead body's in the huge recycling container from the garbage Company. That way, the odor wafts over to my neighbors house. I am glad you reminded me about the possiblity of Charlie Sheen. He could be a culprit. But I usually like to blame the ex first. Thanks for the tips. You are a fun girl.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you so much for the compliment and the votes! That must have been a tough time when you could not find the mouse. I've had to solve mysteries like that and it is no fun. Plus, it is a challenge finding a candle or room spray strong enough to kill the odor.

  • Stephanie Henkel profile image

    Stephanie Henkel 6 years ago from USA

    I laughed at this hub, especially the part about a dead body being unlikely -- not for us! We had a mouse die under the fridge and for a week it drove us crazy trying to figure out the smell. Ick! Love your sense of humor - voted up and funny!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Hahaha... I am glad you enjoyed this. I know what you mean about the cat. I have a hamster that gets into trouble when I'm not looking. Thanks for the comment!

  • Melovy profile image

    Yvonne Spence 6 years ago from UK

    I laughed out loud at this. I’d like to say I only laughed at your Charlie Sheen joke, but I also laughed in recognition of trying to work out what that smell is. In our house it’s usually that the cat has been doing something somewhere she shouldn’t.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Oh, I know that smell! Fettucine alfredo leftovers are the worst. Thanks for the comment!

  • kenziegreeneyes profile image

    Holly Mackenzie Cupp 6 years ago from United States

    the grossest kitchen odor ever aside from stinky diapers in the trash has got to be the fettucine alfredo dinner dishes from the night before. HORRIBLE!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you for reading and for your comment. The photos are from a CD-ROM full of stock photos. My kitchen is nice, but not quite as nice (or as clean) as these. :-)

  • profile image

    skye 6 years ago

    Thank you love your humor and writing. I am faned. The kitchen pix is pretty nice as well. I wish. Many blessings jeanieinabottle. Hugs Galore

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I know what you mean. Sometimes all hope is lost and the containers just have to be thrown out with the mystery food still inside. Thankfully, I have not encountered a family of mice either. Every now and then, a tiny baby mouse appears out of nowhere, but I am in an apartment and consider myself lucky since that is all I've ever seen. Thank you for the comment!

  • Weekend Reader profile image

    Cindy D Whipany 6 years ago

    I use the occasional biology experiment (i.e. "what might be growing on last Wednesday's supper?") as a good excuse to replace plastic storage containers.

    So far, I haven't encountered the mouse family in the oven that ruined a friend's afternoon of baking cookies ...

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you so much. Sometimes you just have to write about what you know, and sadly, I know about weird kitchen smells.

  • Cloverleaf profile image

    Cloverleaf 6 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

    Haha Jeannie this hub had me laughing from start to finish. I love your style of writing. It very much appeals to my sense of humour :-)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Yes, typically it is the garbage. But every now and then... who knows? I live in an apartment building, so sometimes I think it is coming through the ventilation system from another apartment. Thanks for the comment!

  • SueShepard profile image

    SueShepard 6 years ago from USA

    LOL!! OK this Hub is awesome! Charlie Sheen? LMAO! The culprit of my bad smells, is always...the garbage! :)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you so much! You know, I think your hubs are hilarious, too.

    Yes, it was quite a bad odor that day. Even the strongest candle ever could not cover it up. I am glad the odor is gone, but I still have this hub from the experience.

  • What Is Q profile image

    Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

    Awesome, hilarious, and entertaining. I think I've been in my kitchen twice so far, mostly because I eat so much fast food. But I know what it looks like, and if it looked like one of the kitchens in the photos above, then I'd probably sleep in there, because those kitchens look amazing. I love how a foul odor inspired such an awesome hub. Sometimes it's the other way around with mine. But this was hilarious. Can I keep saying how funny this was? It was awesome. Sorry for gushing. It's just that I enjoyed it. This hub had everything. Humor, information, and pictures of kitchens. Even zombies and Charlie Sheen. Best hub I've read in a while. :) Thanks.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I can imagine that was really unpleasant. Egg salad is not the best smelling stuff even on a good day. Thanks for reading my hub!

  • Sinea Pies profile image

    Sinea Pies 6 years ago from Northeastern United States

    Wow, I discovered some egg salad that went defunct a few days before, stuffed way back in the frig where nobody looks. The smell is what found it out! Yuck!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you! I was "inspired" this weekend by an odd odor. I think it was the trash and the candle I was burning. It made a terrible combo!

  • Cogerson profile image

    Cogerson 6 years ago from Virginia

    Another excellent hub...great humor......the Southpark guys are writing a new song...which is a sequel to their Oscar nominated song, Blame Canada.....it is going to be called Blame Charlie Sheen. Voted up

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks, Carolyn!

  • Carolyn2008 profile image

    Carolyn Gibson 6 years ago from Boston

    Love this hub!